QuadJunkies
03-04-2004, 02:02 PM
Barbie Dolls Inc. Announces The Release Today of Models of Limited
Edition
Barbie Dolls for the Idaho Market:
Sun Valley Barbie: This princess Barbie is only sold at Dillards. She
comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus, a lapdog and
a cookie cutter house. Options include tummy tuck, face lift, greenhouse
and a workaholic Ken.
Park Center Barbie: This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with the
Lexus SUV or Ford Windstar minivan, gets lost easily, and has no full
time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold
separately. Optional matching gym outfit. Often Mormon or Catholic.
Nampa Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9 mm handgun,
a Ray Lewis knife, a low-rider Chevrolet with oversized wheels and
tinted windows and a Meth Lab Ken. Also available in a Mexican version.
East Boise Barbie: This yuppie Barbie comes with choice of a BMW
sports car or a souped up Hummer 2, Starbucks cup, credit card and shallow
Ken.
Kuna Barbie: This white-trash model comes in Wrangler jeans two sizes
too small, a NASCAR shirt, big hair, a six pack of Coors Light and a Hank
Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and she can kick Ken's
*** when she's drunk. A pickup is available with Confederate flag bumper
stickers.
North End Barbie: This Barbie actually comes in two variations. One
has long gray hair and archless feet, sandals with white socks, no makeup
and a mutt. The other version has frizzy hair, a dingy white tanktop, low
cut jeans and scratch-n-sniff armpits.
Garden City Barbie: This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie still
has not learned that you can't wear high-heeled sandals from Payless with
no pedicure and without breaking a heel and falling while you chase your
beer-gutted, hollow gold-chain-wearing boyfriend. Her make-up is dark
red lip liner with lips covered in a sparkly pink color or no fill-in at
all. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans with assorted colored
G-strings that stick out the back of her jeans, a white barely-there
see-through shirt. Her long, layered hair is bleached/highlighted and
BIG. Accessories include: CD-player equipped with Bon Jovi, rusty old Ford
pick up.
They are working on developing a "Caldwell Barbie", but she keeps
getting shot.
Warm Springs Barbie: This True Blonde shops exclusively in Saks Fifth
Avenue. She drives her Land Rover (sold separately). She has an MBA
from Stanford but has never worked outside the home. Her child stroller is
bigger than your house and her tennis trophies are discreetly hidden
behind CEO Ken's golf trophies. She knows enough Spanish to talk with
the nanny; Tagalog to speak to the cook; and Chinese, Vietnamese and
Korean, to talk with the gardener, house painter, and housekeeper
respectively. She is a lifelong member of the Junior League and her home is
featured
in Architectural Digest. Her family owns a winery in Napa, but she buys
cases of "2-Buck Chuck" at Trader Joe's. Hence the need for the
rear-loading
Land Rover. Her dirty little secret?? She's a closet Democrat.
:p
Edition
Barbie Dolls for the Idaho Market:
Sun Valley Barbie: This princess Barbie is only sold at Dillards. She
comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus, a lapdog and
a cookie cutter house. Options include tummy tuck, face lift, greenhouse
and a workaholic Ken.
Park Center Barbie: This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with the
Lexus SUV or Ford Windstar minivan, gets lost easily, and has no full
time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold
separately. Optional matching gym outfit. Often Mormon or Catholic.
Nampa Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9 mm handgun,
a Ray Lewis knife, a low-rider Chevrolet with oversized wheels and
tinted windows and a Meth Lab Ken. Also available in a Mexican version.
East Boise Barbie: This yuppie Barbie comes with choice of a BMW
sports car or a souped up Hummer 2, Starbucks cup, credit card and shallow
Ken.
Kuna Barbie: This white-trash model comes in Wrangler jeans two sizes
too small, a NASCAR shirt, big hair, a six pack of Coors Light and a Hank
Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and she can kick Ken's
*** when she's drunk. A pickup is available with Confederate flag bumper
stickers.
North End Barbie: This Barbie actually comes in two variations. One
has long gray hair and archless feet, sandals with white socks, no makeup
and a mutt. The other version has frizzy hair, a dingy white tanktop, low
cut jeans and scratch-n-sniff armpits.
Garden City Barbie: This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie still
has not learned that you can't wear high-heeled sandals from Payless with
no pedicure and without breaking a heel and falling while you chase your
beer-gutted, hollow gold-chain-wearing boyfriend. Her make-up is dark
red lip liner with lips covered in a sparkly pink color or no fill-in at
all. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans with assorted colored
G-strings that stick out the back of her jeans, a white barely-there
see-through shirt. Her long, layered hair is bleached/highlighted and
BIG. Accessories include: CD-player equipped with Bon Jovi, rusty old Ford
pick up.
They are working on developing a "Caldwell Barbie", but she keeps
getting shot.
Warm Springs Barbie: This True Blonde shops exclusively in Saks Fifth
Avenue. She drives her Land Rover (sold separately). She has an MBA
from Stanford but has never worked outside the home. Her child stroller is
bigger than your house and her tennis trophies are discreetly hidden
behind CEO Ken's golf trophies. She knows enough Spanish to talk with
the nanny; Tagalog to speak to the cook; and Chinese, Vietnamese and
Korean, to talk with the gardener, house painter, and housekeeper
respectively. She is a lifelong member of the Junior League and her home is
featured
in Architectural Digest. Her family owns a winery in Napa, but she buys
cases of "2-Buck Chuck" at Trader Joe's. Hence the need for the
rear-loading
Land Rover. Her dirty little secret?? She's a closet Democrat.
:p