LTandRaptorider
02-09-2004, 09:43 AM
A man comes into the ER and yells,
> "My wife's going to have her baby in the
> cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab,
> lifted the lady's-Dress, and began to take off her
> underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were
> several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
>
> --Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
>
> At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on
> an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's
> anterior chest wall. Big breaths," I
> instructed. Yes, they used to be,"
> remorsefully replied the patient.
>
> --Dr.. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
>
>
> One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told
> a wife that her husband had died of a massive
> myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes
> later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family
> that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
>
> --Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
>
>
>
> I was performing a complete physical, including the
> visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart
> and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20
> line perfectly. Now your left." Again, a flawless read. Now both," I
> requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the
> top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had
> asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was
> laughing too hard to finish the exam.
>
> --Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
>
> During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with
> his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor,
> that he was having trouble with one of his medications. Which one?" I
> asked. The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six
> hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly
> undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had
> over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal
> of the old patch before applying a new one.-Dr. Rebecca St. Clair,
> Norfolk, VA
>
> While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I
> asked, "How long have you been bed-ridden?"
> After a look of complete confusion she answered Why, not for about
> twenty years-when my husband was alive."
>
> --Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
>
>
> I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked,
> So, how's your breakfast this morning?" It's very good, except for
> the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the
> patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced
> a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
>
> --Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
>
> And Finally . . . . .
> A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite
> embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment
> he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle
> aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out
> laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and
> sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No
> doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar
> Meyer Wiener."
>
> --won't admit his name
>
> "My wife's going to have her baby in the
> cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab,
> lifted the lady's-Dress, and began to take off her
> underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were
> several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
>
> --Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
>
> At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on
> an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's
> anterior chest wall. Big breaths," I
> instructed. Yes, they used to be,"
> remorsefully replied the patient.
>
> --Dr.. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
>
>
> One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told
> a wife that her husband had died of a massive
> myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes
> later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family
> that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
>
> --Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
>
>
>
> I was performing a complete physical, including the
> visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart
> and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20
> line perfectly. Now your left." Again, a flawless read. Now both," I
> requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the
> top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had
> asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was
> laughing too hard to finish the exam.
>
> --Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
>
> During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with
> his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor,
> that he was having trouble with one of his medications. Which one?" I
> asked. The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six
> hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly
> undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had
> over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal
> of the old patch before applying a new one.-Dr. Rebecca St. Clair,
> Norfolk, VA
>
> While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I
> asked, "How long have you been bed-ridden?"
> After a look of complete confusion she answered Why, not for about
> twenty years-when my husband was alive."
>
> --Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
>
>
> I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked,
> So, how's your breakfast this morning?" It's very good, except for
> the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the
> patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced
> a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
>
> --Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
>
> And Finally . . . . .
> A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite
> embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment
> he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle
> aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out
> laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and
> sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No
> doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar
> Meyer Wiener."
>
> --won't admit his name
>