brian-250
01-25-2004, 06:07 PM
The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day they felt ready. The Japanese won by a mile.
Afterward, the American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommended corrective action. The consultant's finding: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering; the American team had one person rowing and eight people steering.
After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem, the consultant firm concluded that too many people were steering and not enough were rowing on the American team. So as race day neared the following year, the American team's management structure was completely reorganized. The new structure: Four steering managers, three area steering managers and a new performance review system for the person rowing the boat to provide work incentive.
The next year the Japanese won by two miles. Humiliated, the American Corporation laid off the rower for poor performance and gave the managers a bonus for discovering the problem.
wifes prayer
Dear Lord I pray
For wisdom to understand my man
Love to forgive him
Patience for his moods
Because Lord if I pray for Strength
I'll beat him to death
ADDICTED INTERNET JUNKIE!!!!
1. A friend stops to see you since your phone has been busy-----for a year!!!!!
2. You forgot how to work the TV remote control.
3. You see something funny and scream, "LOL, LOL."
4. You tell everyone, that after surgery, your mom went to ICQ......instead of ICU!
5. You sign off and your screen says you were on for 3 days and 45 minutes.
6. You placed the refrigerator beside your computer...or put it in the bathroom.
7. You buy a laptop and a cell phone so you can have ICQ in your car.
8. Tech support calls YOU for help.
9. You beg your friends to get an account so you can "hang out."
10. You get a second phone line just to call out for pizza.
11. You purchase a vanity car license plate with your screen name on it.
12. You say "he he he he" or "heh heh heh" instead of laughing.
13. You say "SCROLL UP" when someone asks what it was you said.
14. You find out divorce papers had been served on you 6 months ago.
15. You talk on the phone with the same person you are sending an instant message to.
16. You look at an annoying person off line and wish that you had your ignore button handy.
17. You start to experience "withdrawal" after not being online for awhile.
18. You say......."Where did the time go??"
19. You sit on ICQ for 6 hours for that certain special person to sign on.
20. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.
21. You end your sentences with.....three or more
periods.......
22. You need to be pried from your computer by the
jaws-of-life.
23. Your answering machine/voice mail sounds a little like his.... "BRB. Leave your S/N and I'll TTYL...ASAP".
24. You enter a room and get greeted by 25 people with {{{hugs}}} and ****kisses*****.
25. Being called a newbie is a major insult to you.
26. You're on the phone and say "BRB".
27. Your teacher or boss recommends a drug test for the blood-shot eyes.
28. You get up at 2:00 AM to go to the bathroom and turn the computer on instead.
How do you know when you're staying in a Kentucky hotel?
When you call the front desk and say "I've got a leak in my sink," and the person at the front desk says, "Go ahead.
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says, "Slim, I'm 86 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"
Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really? Like a baby?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth and I think I just shutt my pants."
How to Annoy People at Work
1)Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch
paper, 99 copies.
2)Practice making fax and modem noises.
3)During meetings, disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip
the cartridge across the room.
4)Staple papers in the middle of the page.
5)ALWAYS TYPE WITH CAPS-LOCK ON
6)type only in lower case.
7)dontuseanypunctuationorspaceseither
8)While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a
parakeet.
9)In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual
massage."
10)Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble
their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about
"psychological profiles."
______________________________________________-Great Bumper Stickers
1) God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.
2) I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
3) I wasn't born a b*tch. Men like you made me this way.
4) Keep honking while I reload.
5) Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!
6) Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
7) 5 days/week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an
amusement park.
8) EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later.
9) Your child may be an honor student but you're still an
idiot.
10) If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.
11) If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
12) Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.
13) My wife complains I never listen to her...or something like
that.
14) Sure you can trust the government! Just ask a Native
American!
15) If we are what we eat; I'm cheap, fast, and easy.
16) Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!
OLD" IS WHEN..... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... When you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fiber today.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... An "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee!
Afterward, the American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommended corrective action. The consultant's finding: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering; the American team had one person rowing and eight people steering.
After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem, the consultant firm concluded that too many people were steering and not enough were rowing on the American team. So as race day neared the following year, the American team's management structure was completely reorganized. The new structure: Four steering managers, three area steering managers and a new performance review system for the person rowing the boat to provide work incentive.
The next year the Japanese won by two miles. Humiliated, the American Corporation laid off the rower for poor performance and gave the managers a bonus for discovering the problem.
wifes prayer
Dear Lord I pray
For wisdom to understand my man
Love to forgive him
Patience for his moods
Because Lord if I pray for Strength
I'll beat him to death
ADDICTED INTERNET JUNKIE!!!!
1. A friend stops to see you since your phone has been busy-----for a year!!!!!
2. You forgot how to work the TV remote control.
3. You see something funny and scream, "LOL, LOL."
4. You tell everyone, that after surgery, your mom went to ICQ......instead of ICU!
5. You sign off and your screen says you were on for 3 days and 45 minutes.
6. You placed the refrigerator beside your computer...or put it in the bathroom.
7. You buy a laptop and a cell phone so you can have ICQ in your car.
8. Tech support calls YOU for help.
9. You beg your friends to get an account so you can "hang out."
10. You get a second phone line just to call out for pizza.
11. You purchase a vanity car license plate with your screen name on it.
12. You say "he he he he" or "heh heh heh" instead of laughing.
13. You say "SCROLL UP" when someone asks what it was you said.
14. You find out divorce papers had been served on you 6 months ago.
15. You talk on the phone with the same person you are sending an instant message to.
16. You look at an annoying person off line and wish that you had your ignore button handy.
17. You start to experience "withdrawal" after not being online for awhile.
18. You say......."Where did the time go??"
19. You sit on ICQ for 6 hours for that certain special person to sign on.
20. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.
21. You end your sentences with.....three or more
periods.......
22. You need to be pried from your computer by the
jaws-of-life.
23. Your answering machine/voice mail sounds a little like his.... "BRB. Leave your S/N and I'll TTYL...ASAP".
24. You enter a room and get greeted by 25 people with {{{hugs}}} and ****kisses*****.
25. Being called a newbie is a major insult to you.
26. You're on the phone and say "BRB".
27. Your teacher or boss recommends a drug test for the blood-shot eyes.
28. You get up at 2:00 AM to go to the bathroom and turn the computer on instead.
How do you know when you're staying in a Kentucky hotel?
When you call the front desk and say "I've got a leak in my sink," and the person at the front desk says, "Go ahead.
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says, "Slim, I'm 86 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"
Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really? Like a baby?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth and I think I just shutt my pants."
How to Annoy People at Work
1)Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch
paper, 99 copies.
2)Practice making fax and modem noises.
3)During meetings, disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip
the cartridge across the room.
4)Staple papers in the middle of the page.
5)ALWAYS TYPE WITH CAPS-LOCK ON
6)type only in lower case.
7)dontuseanypunctuationorspaceseither
8)While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a
parakeet.
9)In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual
massage."
10)Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble
their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about
"psychological profiles."
______________________________________________-Great Bumper Stickers
1) God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.
2) I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
3) I wasn't born a b*tch. Men like you made me this way.
4) Keep honking while I reload.
5) Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!
6) Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
7) 5 days/week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an
amusement park.
8) EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later.
9) Your child may be an honor student but you're still an
idiot.
10) If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.
11) If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
12) Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.
13) My wife complains I never listen to her...or something like
that.
14) Sure you can trust the government! Just ask a Native
American!
15) If we are what we eat; I'm cheap, fast, and easy.
16) Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!
OLD" IS WHEN..... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... When you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fiber today.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
"OLD" IS WHEN..... An "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee!