Foxyangel0425
01-22-2004, 04:37 PM
Subject: Why Women are Crabby
> >
> > We start to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years
> old only to find anything
> > that comes in contact with those tender, blooming
> buds hurts so bad it brings
> > us to tears. Enter the almighty, uncomfortable
> training bra contraption the
> > boys in school will snap until we have calluses on
> our backs.
> >
> > Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens
> (or sooner). Along with
> > those budding boobs, we now bloat, we cramp, we
> get the hormone crankies, have
> > to wear little mattresses between our legs or
> insert tubular, packed cotton
> > rods in places we didn't even know we had.
> >
> > Our next little rite of passage (premarital or
> not) is having sex for the
> > first time which is about as much fun as having a
> ramrod push your uterus through
> > your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end
> up with his little cart
> > before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all
> the fuss was about.
> >
> > Then it's off to Motherhood where we learn to live
> on dry crackers and water
> > for a few months so we don't spend the entire day
> leaning over Brother John.
> > Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we
> are), we learn to live with
> > the growing little angels inside us steadily
> kicking our innards night and day
> > making us wonder if we're having Rosemary's Baby.
> >
> > Our once flat bellies now look like we swallowed a
> watermelon whole and we
> > pee our pants every time we sneeze. When the big
> moment arrives, the dam in our
> > blessed Nether Regions will invariably burst right
> in the middle of the mall
> > and we'll waddle with our big cartoon feet moaning
> in pain all the way to the
> > ER. Then it's huff and puff and beg to die while
> the OB says, "Please stop
> > screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push.
> Just one more
> > (or 10 ) good push," warranting a strong, well-
> deserved impulse to punch the
> > ******* (and hubby) square in the nose for making
> us cram a wiggling,
> > mushroom-headed 10lb bowling ball through a
> keyhole.
> >
> > After that, it's time to raise those angels only
> to find that when all that
> > "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings
> morph into walking, jabbering,
> > wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop
> machines.
> >
> > The teen years. Need I say more? The kids are
> almost grown now and we women
> > hit our voracious sexual prime in our mid-30's to
> early 40's while hubby had
> > his somewhere around his 18th birthday (which just
> happens to be the reason all
> > that early hot man sex got you pregnant in the
> first place).
> >
> > Now we hit the grand finale: "The Menopause," the
> Grandmother of all
> > womanhood. It's either take the HRT and chance
> cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or
> > the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like
> a hog in July, wash your
> > sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off
> anything that moves.
> >
> > Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful
> than men when men get off so
> > easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being
> able to pee in the woods
> > without soaking their socks...
> >
> > Now I love being a woman but "Womanhood" would
> make the Great Ghandi a tad
> > crabby. Women are the "weaker sex"? Yeah right.
> Bite me.
> >
> > We start to "bud" in our blouses at 9 or 10 years
> old only to find anything
> > that comes in contact with those tender, blooming
> buds hurts so bad it brings
> > us to tears. Enter the almighty, uncomfortable
> training bra contraption the
> > boys in school will snap until we have calluses on
> our backs.
> >
> > Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens
> (or sooner). Along with
> > those budding boobs, we now bloat, we cramp, we
> get the hormone crankies, have
> > to wear little mattresses between our legs or
> insert tubular, packed cotton
> > rods in places we didn't even know we had.
> >
> > Our next little rite of passage (premarital or
> not) is having sex for the
> > first time which is about as much fun as having a
> ramrod push your uterus through
> > your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end
> up with his little cart
> > before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all
> the fuss was about.
> >
> > Then it's off to Motherhood where we learn to live
> on dry crackers and water
> > for a few months so we don't spend the entire day
> leaning over Brother John.
> > Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we
> are), we learn to live with
> > the growing little angels inside us steadily
> kicking our innards night and day
> > making us wonder if we're having Rosemary's Baby.
> >
> > Our once flat bellies now look like we swallowed a
> watermelon whole and we
> > pee our pants every time we sneeze. When the big
> moment arrives, the dam in our
> > blessed Nether Regions will invariably burst right
> in the middle of the mall
> > and we'll waddle with our big cartoon feet moaning
> in pain all the way to the
> > ER. Then it's huff and puff and beg to die while
> the OB says, "Please stop
> > screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push.
> Just one more
> > (or 10 ) good push," warranting a strong, well-
> deserved impulse to punch the
> > ******* (and hubby) square in the nose for making
> us cram a wiggling,
> > mushroom-headed 10lb bowling ball through a
> keyhole.
> >
> > After that, it's time to raise those angels only
> to find that when all that
> > "cute" wears off, the beautiful little darlings
> morph into walking, jabbering,
> > wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop
> machines.
> >
> > The teen years. Need I say more? The kids are
> almost grown now and we women
> > hit our voracious sexual prime in our mid-30's to
> early 40's while hubby had
> > his somewhere around his 18th birthday (which just
> happens to be the reason all
> > that early hot man sex got you pregnant in the
> first place).
> >
> > Now we hit the grand finale: "The Menopause," the
> Grandmother of all
> > womanhood. It's either take the HRT and chance
> cancer in those now seasoned "buds" or
> > the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like
> a hog in July, wash your
> > sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off
> anything that moves.
> >
> > Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful
> than men when men get off so
> > easy INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being
> able to pee in the woods
> > without soaking their socks...
> >
> > Now I love being a woman but "Womanhood" would
> make the Great Ghandi a tad
> > crabby. Women are the "weaker sex"? Yeah right.
> Bite me.