Foxyangel0425
08-13-2003, 07:53 AM
The Funniest T-Shirts of 2003:
No more pining. No more waiting with bated breath. Here comes our annual midsummer festival (Shakespeare would call it a midsummer day's dream): the funniest T-shirts of 2003, as spotted aboard chests great and small by you always-great readers.
"I Used to Have a Handle on Life, But It Broke" -- Lori Curtis.
"Out of My Mind -- Back in Five Minutes" -- Lori again.
"If a Cow Laughed, Would Milk Come Out Her Nose?" -- Margo Wicks of Dahlgren, Va.
"Some Days You're the Pigeon, Some Days You're the Statue" -- Becky Dietrich.
"I Childproofed My House, But They Still Get In!" -- An e-mailer named Angee and (a little later) Skipper Oliver of Woodbridge.
(On the front) "60 Is Not Old" . . . (On the back) "If You're a Tree" -- Allan Shedlin.
"I'm Still Hot -- It Just Comes in Flashes" -- Karen Kallmeyer of Haymarket, who saw it in Texas.
"At My Age, Getting Lucky Is Finding My Car in the Parking Lot" -- Ed Roman of Woodbridge.
"My Reality Check Just Bounced" -- Beth Parker of Oakton.
"Never Underestimate the Stupidity of Humans in Large Groups" -- spotted in a Northern Virginia shopping center by Yours Truly.
"Life Is Short -- Make Fun of It" -- Gail Larrick.
"I'm Not 50 -- I'm $49.95 Plus Tax" -- Ann Roberson of Olney.
"Men Are Like Grapes. If You Stomp on Them and Keep Them in the Dark Long Enough, They Might Turn Into Something That You Would Take to Dinner" -- J.G. Kramb.
"Annapolis -- A Drinking Town with a Sailing Problem" -- Corey Reid, who saw it while aboard Metro last year.
"I Need Somebody Bad. Are You Somebody Bad?" -- Gary Goldberg.
"Physically Pffffft!" -- Martin Overholt.
"Cancel My Subscription -- I Don't Need Your Issues" -- Paula Bentley of Surry, Va.
"Buckle Up. It Makes It Harder for the Aliens to Snatch You From Your Car" -- a Bostonian named Jennifer.
"Welcome to Tennessee -- Set Your Watch Back 20 Years" -- an e-mailer whose initials are RSC.
"Use Vowels Every Day or You'll Get Consonated" -- Bruce W. Van Roy.
"I'm Not a Snob. I'm Just Better Than You Are" -- Stacey Wions of Alexandria, who saw it aboard a high school girl at an amusement park.
"It's My Dog's World. I'm Just Here to Open Cans" -- Shawn Swartwood of Cottage City.
"Earth Is the Insane Asylum for the Universe" -- Raynetta Lewis.
"Suppose You Were an Idiot . . . And Suppose You Were a Member of Congress . . . But I Repeat Myself" -- Andrea Fogliani of Germantown.
"Keep Staring -- I Might Do a Trick" -- Sally Wess.
"We Got Rid of the Kids -- The Cat Was Allergic" -- Milly Kowalski and (a few days later) Theresa Taylor.
"I'm Destined for Greatness -- I'm Just Pacing Myself" -- Nada Dickerson.
"When the World Wearies and Ceases to Satisfy, There Is Always the Garden" -- Anne Hanchett of Annapolis.
"Dangerously Under-Medicated" -- Heather Patterson, whose husband bought it for her when they were dating.
"I Saw Your Mother on the Internet" -- Tammy Piegols of Silver Spring, who thinks (correctly, if you ask me) that this is the 21st century version of "Your Mother Wears Combat Boots."
"Got Pickles?" -- on a maternity shirt, of course. Thanks, Kelly Rector of Charlotte.
"Things Could Be Worse -- I Could Be Married" -- Angela Yates.
"Marry Me and Fly Free" -- Patricia Foley of Columbia owned it when she worked for US Airways. "I Did and I Do," read the companion shirt that her late husband used to wear.
"My Mind Works Like Lightning -- One Brilliant Flash and It's Gone" -- Joan E. Runge of Columbia.
"Hang Up and Drive" -- Rosalind Modlin of Alexandria.
"Every Time I Hear the Dirty Word 'Exercise' I Wash My Mouth Out With Chocolate" -- Richard C. Smith of Springfield.
"Once I Thought I Was Wrong, But I Was Mistaken" -- Harriet H. Leonard of Reedley, Calif.
"Give Peas a Chance" -- Pia McKay of Northwest Washington.
"Grandmas Are Just Antique Little Girls" -- Alma Denton of Waldorf, who got it as a gift from a granddaughter (of all people).
"I Started With Nothing and I Have Most of It Left" -- Kitty Calvert of Northwest Washington.
"I Know I Came into This Room for a Reason" -- Kitty again.
"Cats Regard People As Warm-Blooded Furniture" -- Kitty a third time.
"Live Your Life So That When You Die, the Preacher Will Not Have to Tell Lies at Your Funeral" -- Kenny Adams of Falls Church.
"In God We Trust -- All Others We Polygraph" -- Kenny again.
"Everyone Has a Photographic Memory -- Some Just Don't Have Any Film" -- Nury Serafini.
"If You Think Nobody Cares, Try Missing a Couple of Payments" -- Nury again.
"Chicks Dig Scrawny Guys" -- aboard a "skinnyish teenaged guy," according to Mariana T. Osorio.
"My Wife Comes With Instructions -- Lots of Instructions" -- Robert Lanza.
And my favorite one so far in 2003:
"I Invested All My Money in Enron and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt" -- A reader who asks to remain anonymous.
More tomorrow, on many of these same stations.
© 2003 The Washington Post Company
No more pining. No more waiting with bated breath. Here comes our annual midsummer festival (Shakespeare would call it a midsummer day's dream): the funniest T-shirts of 2003, as spotted aboard chests great and small by you always-great readers.
"I Used to Have a Handle on Life, But It Broke" -- Lori Curtis.
"Out of My Mind -- Back in Five Minutes" -- Lori again.
"If a Cow Laughed, Would Milk Come Out Her Nose?" -- Margo Wicks of Dahlgren, Va.
"Some Days You're the Pigeon, Some Days You're the Statue" -- Becky Dietrich.
"I Childproofed My House, But They Still Get In!" -- An e-mailer named Angee and (a little later) Skipper Oliver of Woodbridge.
(On the front) "60 Is Not Old" . . . (On the back) "If You're a Tree" -- Allan Shedlin.
"I'm Still Hot -- It Just Comes in Flashes" -- Karen Kallmeyer of Haymarket, who saw it in Texas.
"At My Age, Getting Lucky Is Finding My Car in the Parking Lot" -- Ed Roman of Woodbridge.
"My Reality Check Just Bounced" -- Beth Parker of Oakton.
"Never Underestimate the Stupidity of Humans in Large Groups" -- spotted in a Northern Virginia shopping center by Yours Truly.
"Life Is Short -- Make Fun of It" -- Gail Larrick.
"I'm Not 50 -- I'm $49.95 Plus Tax" -- Ann Roberson of Olney.
"Men Are Like Grapes. If You Stomp on Them and Keep Them in the Dark Long Enough, They Might Turn Into Something That You Would Take to Dinner" -- J.G. Kramb.
"Annapolis -- A Drinking Town with a Sailing Problem" -- Corey Reid, who saw it while aboard Metro last year.
"I Need Somebody Bad. Are You Somebody Bad?" -- Gary Goldberg.
"Physically Pffffft!" -- Martin Overholt.
"Cancel My Subscription -- I Don't Need Your Issues" -- Paula Bentley of Surry, Va.
"Buckle Up. It Makes It Harder for the Aliens to Snatch You From Your Car" -- a Bostonian named Jennifer.
"Welcome to Tennessee -- Set Your Watch Back 20 Years" -- an e-mailer whose initials are RSC.
"Use Vowels Every Day or You'll Get Consonated" -- Bruce W. Van Roy.
"I'm Not a Snob. I'm Just Better Than You Are" -- Stacey Wions of Alexandria, who saw it aboard a high school girl at an amusement park.
"It's My Dog's World. I'm Just Here to Open Cans" -- Shawn Swartwood of Cottage City.
"Earth Is the Insane Asylum for the Universe" -- Raynetta Lewis.
"Suppose You Were an Idiot . . . And Suppose You Were a Member of Congress . . . But I Repeat Myself" -- Andrea Fogliani of Germantown.
"Keep Staring -- I Might Do a Trick" -- Sally Wess.
"We Got Rid of the Kids -- The Cat Was Allergic" -- Milly Kowalski and (a few days later) Theresa Taylor.
"I'm Destined for Greatness -- I'm Just Pacing Myself" -- Nada Dickerson.
"When the World Wearies and Ceases to Satisfy, There Is Always the Garden" -- Anne Hanchett of Annapolis.
"Dangerously Under-Medicated" -- Heather Patterson, whose husband bought it for her when they were dating.
"I Saw Your Mother on the Internet" -- Tammy Piegols of Silver Spring, who thinks (correctly, if you ask me) that this is the 21st century version of "Your Mother Wears Combat Boots."
"Got Pickles?" -- on a maternity shirt, of course. Thanks, Kelly Rector of Charlotte.
"Things Could Be Worse -- I Could Be Married" -- Angela Yates.
"Marry Me and Fly Free" -- Patricia Foley of Columbia owned it when she worked for US Airways. "I Did and I Do," read the companion shirt that her late husband used to wear.
"My Mind Works Like Lightning -- One Brilliant Flash and It's Gone" -- Joan E. Runge of Columbia.
"Hang Up and Drive" -- Rosalind Modlin of Alexandria.
"Every Time I Hear the Dirty Word 'Exercise' I Wash My Mouth Out With Chocolate" -- Richard C. Smith of Springfield.
"Once I Thought I Was Wrong, But I Was Mistaken" -- Harriet H. Leonard of Reedley, Calif.
"Give Peas a Chance" -- Pia McKay of Northwest Washington.
"Grandmas Are Just Antique Little Girls" -- Alma Denton of Waldorf, who got it as a gift from a granddaughter (of all people).
"I Started With Nothing and I Have Most of It Left" -- Kitty Calvert of Northwest Washington.
"I Know I Came into This Room for a Reason" -- Kitty again.
"Cats Regard People As Warm-Blooded Furniture" -- Kitty a third time.
"Live Your Life So That When You Die, the Preacher Will Not Have to Tell Lies at Your Funeral" -- Kenny Adams of Falls Church.
"In God We Trust -- All Others We Polygraph" -- Kenny again.
"Everyone Has a Photographic Memory -- Some Just Don't Have Any Film" -- Nury Serafini.
"If You Think Nobody Cares, Try Missing a Couple of Payments" -- Nury again.
"Chicks Dig Scrawny Guys" -- aboard a "skinnyish teenaged guy," according to Mariana T. Osorio.
"My Wife Comes With Instructions -- Lots of Instructions" -- Robert Lanza.
And my favorite one so far in 2003:
"I Invested All My Money in Enron and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt" -- A reader who asks to remain anonymous.
More tomorrow, on many of these same stations.
© 2003 The Washington Post Company