View Full Version : 40 things you'll never hear from a person from Kentucky!
jcv400ex
03-13-2003, 06:31 AM
40 Things you'll never hear from a resident of Kentucky :cool:
40. Oh I just couldn't. Hell, she's only sixteen.
39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
38. Duct tape won't fix that.
37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.
36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
35. We don't keep firearms in this house.
34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
33. You can't feed that to the dog.
32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
30. Wrasslin's fake.
29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
28. We're vegetarians.
27. Do you think my gut is too big?
26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
25. Honey, we don't need another dog.
24. Who's Richard Petty?
23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
21. Spittin is such a nasty habit.
20. I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today.
19. Trim the fat off that steak.
18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
17. The tires on that truck are too big.
16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
15. I've got it all on the C drive.
14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
13. Would you like your salmon poached or broiled?
12. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
09. Checkmate.
08. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
07. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
06. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
05. I don't have a favorite college team.
04. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
03. I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
02. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
01. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin tonight.
Guy400
03-13-2003, 06:34 AM
lmao:D
Honda4trax250x
03-13-2003, 06:39 AM
Hahaha LMFAO
cdalejef
03-13-2003, 06:47 AM
Whats your point:confused:
Pappy
03-13-2003, 06:48 AM
i dunno....i actually liked kentucky :confused:
hey jeff find me a house:devil
jcv400ex
03-13-2003, 06:51 AM
It's a joke, funny, haha. It was suppose to be "southerners"...but I changed to to kentucky....since there so many of you ins. Go back to bed or get some coffee Jeff!! :p
Pappy movin to Kentucky....huh who woulda guessed! :eek:
cdalejef
03-13-2003, 07:09 AM
There is all kinds around here....you should see the ones Marty has been looking at!
spincr4hire
03-13-2003, 07:33 AM
you forgot
41) There MAY be a better basketball team than the UK Wildcats.
:blah
JTRtrx250r
03-13-2003, 09:54 AM
haha thats the goods!!:D
jay's 300
03-13-2003, 10:23 AM
LMAO! That's some funny chit! :D My stepdad would love those, he lives in Belfry. #41 is a real good one, you don't watch TV if there's a UK game on!
danyeo
03-13-2003, 10:29 AM
#42. Hey, pick up some toothpaste from Walmart.
Don't worry were just joking, we nothern folk love you Southerners.
tants
03-13-2003, 10:30 AM
lol :D
AtvMxRider
03-13-2003, 02:01 PM
LMAO.....:D
lil400exman
03-13-2003, 02:13 PM
#41 i think my mullet is to long................:eek2:
lex luger
03-13-2003, 02:22 PM
Originally posted by Pappy
hey jeff find me a house:devil
..or a trailor....haha just kiddin'
:)
or was he :confused2
Guy400
03-13-2003, 02:26 PM
#43. "Why don't you go ahead and trim up my mullet."
hessianmx111
03-13-2003, 03:46 PM
Originally posted by spincr4hire
you forgot
41) There MAY be a better basketball team than the UK Wildcats.
:blah
:)
lil400exman
03-13-2003, 04:13 PM
Originally posted by Guy400
#43. "Why don't you go ahead and trim up my mullet."
sorry guy i beat ya to it;) nice pic though.....number44
do you think this confederate flag on my hatmakes my head look big?:devil
#45 we better not eat that posium, its been in the road too long.:mad:
jcv400ex
03-13-2003, 08:34 PM
Originally posted by lil400exman
#41 i think my mullet is to long................:eek2:
ROFLMAO!!!!!
jcv400ex
03-13-2003, 08:37 PM
Originally posted by Guy400
#43. "Why don't you go ahead and trim up my mullet."
A mullet and a Aikman jersey on......oh you just opened the door to abuse!!!!!:devil
This should fit in well here :D
ah hah:p Country road take me home
SobeAHonda
03-13-2003, 09:18 PM
this post is kind of disrespectful
TIGER72
03-13-2003, 09:20 PM
WE REALLY SHOULD NOT PICK ON KENTUCKY...ESPECIALLY SINCE THE GOVENORS MANSION CAUGHT FIRE THERE TODAY...THEY SAID IT BURNT CLEAR DOWN TO THE AXLES.....:D
lmgdao...that is probably true!
Originally posted by TIGER72
WE REALLY SHOULD NOT PICK ON KENTUCKY...ESPECIALLY SINCE THE GOVENORS MANSION CAUGHT FIRE THERE TODAY...THEY SAID IT BURNT CLEAR DOWN TO THE AXLES.....:D
LMAO! I almost spit out my false teeth... I mean tooth, when I read that one!
Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
STATE OF KENTUCKY RESIDENCY APPLICATION
Name: ________________ (_) Billy-Bob
(last) (_) Billy-Joe
(_) Billy-Ray
(_) Billy-Sue
(_) Billy-Mae
(_) Billy-Jack
(Check appropriate box)
Age: ____
Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A
Shoe Size ____ Left ____ Right
Occupation:
(_) Farmer
(_) Mechanic
(_) Hair Dresser
(_) Un-employed
Spouse's Name: __________________________
Relationship with spouse:
(_) Sister
(_) Brother
(_) Aunt
(_) Uncle
(_) Cousin
(_) Mother
(_) Father
(_) Son
(_) Daughter
(_) Pet
Number of children living in household: ___
Number that are yours: ___
Mother's Name: _______________________
Father's Name: _______________________ (If not sure, leave blank)
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box)
__ Total number of vehicles you own
__ Number of vehicles that still crank
__ Number of vehicles in front yard
__ Number of vehicles in back yard
__ Number of vehicles on cement blocks
Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____ truck
____ bedroom
____ bathroom
____ kitchen
____ shed
Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194_
Do you have a gun rack?
(_) Yes (_) No; please explain:
Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
(_) The National Enquirer
(_) The Globe
(_) TV Guide
(_) Soap Opera Digest
(_) Rifle and Shotgun
___ Number of times you've seen a UFO
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO
How often do you bathe:
(_)Weekly
(_)Monthly
(_)Not Applicable
Color of teeth:
(_)Yellow
(_)Brownish-Yellow
(_)Brown
(_)Black
(_)N/A
Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
(_)Red-Man
How far is your home from a paved road?
(_)1 mile
(_)2 miles
(_)don't know
Q: What's long and hard on a Kentucky football player?
A: First grade.....and keep your mind out of the gutter!
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Q: Did you hear about the 3,000,000 Kentucky state lottery?
A: The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why did O.J. Simpson want to move to Kentucky?
A: Everyone has the same DNA.
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Q: Did you hear that the Governors mansion in Frankfort Kentucky burned down?
A: Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park.
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A new law past in Eastern Kentucky: When a couple gets divorced, they're still brother and sister.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What's the best thing to ever come out of Kentucky?
A: Route 1-75.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two Kentickians are walking down different ends of the street toward each other, and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says,"Hey Tommy Ray, what'cha got in th' bag?"
"Jus' some chickens."
"If I guesses how many chickens they are, can I have one?"
"Shoot, ya guesses right and I'll give ya both of them."
"OK. Ummmmm...five?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do a divorce in Eastern Kentucky, a tornado, and a Hurricane in Florida have in common?
A: Somebody's fixin' to lose a trailer.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Kentuckian came home and found his house on fire, rushed next door,telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here. My house is on fire!"
"OK", replied the fireman, "How do I get there?"
"Say, don't you have those big red trucks?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do folks in Eastern Kentucky go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?
A: 'Cuz 17 and under are not admitted.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you get when you have 32 Eastern Kentuckians in the same room?
A: A full set of teeth.
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Pappy
03-13-2003, 10:09 PM
and the #1 reason i love kentucky:D
Why don't they teach sex education to rednecks?
The farm animals can't handle it.
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Did you hear about the Kentucky Wildcat who passed away and left his entire estate in trust for his beloved widow? She can't touch it till she's fourteen.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between a good ol' boy and a Kentoucky Wildcat graduate?
The good ol' boy raises livestock. The Kentucky graduate gets emotionally involved.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a virgin in Kentucky?
A girl who can out run her Brothers.
Pappy
03-13-2003, 10:14 PM
well im gonna switch the kentucky to west virginia and get my lil brother real angry at me tomarrow:devil
spincr4hire
03-14-2003, 05:32 AM
Originally posted by Guy400
#43. "Why don't you go ahead and trim up my mullet."
That holds true for half the riders at Livingston, KY..lol
where banshee-mullet runs wild!:D
jcv400ex
03-14-2003, 05:33 AM
Oh man SGA, those where great! :D
bradley300
03-14-2003, 04:41 PM
number 40 baby!:devil :devil :devil whats wrong with 16?:confused:
danyeo
03-20-2003, 02:28 AM
Do you have a gun rack?
(_) Yes (_) No; please explain
OH damm, this almost made me piss my pants!!!!
wilkin250r
03-20-2003, 06:38 AM
Phone transcript of a Kentucky 911 call (after he looked up the number):
Operator: Nine one one. What is your emergency?
Caller: Help me, I need an ambulance over here right away!!
Operator: Ok, try to calm down, sir. What is the problem?
Caller: It's my wife, she isn't breathing. I think she might be dead.
Operator: Ok, can you give me the address?
Caller: Uh, yeah, it's 1432 Eucalyptus Drive.
Operator: Ok, it's kind of hard to hear you. Can you spell that for me?
Caller: Uh... How 'bout I just drag her over to Oak street and you can pick her up there.
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