The joke thread!

[dxcody]

Ok, so we have a Happy Thread, a Sad Thread, and a bunch of other threads that are great and provide entertainment.

So lets put all our differences aside and make just a funny thread.

Pictures, Jokes, funny stories.. etc.

Anything that will help cheer people up on a down day!

Ill start with one that just comes to mind...

Q: did you hear about the blonde that broke her nose on the steering wheel?

A: She was trying to blow the horn!

[dxcody]

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

[buck440]

why was 6 afraid of 7?

because 7 8 9!:blah:

[ATVMX33]

Two guys walked into a bar.........







The third one ducked :D

[tman12345]

So a Jehovah's Witnesses knocked on my door yesterday.

So I answered the door and asked if he wanted to come in.

He said, "Yeah, okay."

I said I'm just making a cup of coffee do you want one?

He said, "Yeah, sure."

I said I've just made some toast do you want a slice?

He said, "Yeah, why not."

I then he sat down and I asked him, "So what now?"

He said, "Beats the hell out of me I've never got this far before!"

[beastlywarrior]

So a terrorist and a redneck walk into a bar

[b0rn c0nfused]

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of the sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out,"Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!"

The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'

Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."

Little Johnny thinks for a bit, then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a ten!!!"

[dxcody]

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

[dxcody]

HA!

[finsteratv]

A mother gets a call from her son's school saying to come and pick him up. She goes there and is appalled when the schools principal tell's her that her son and his english teacher were caught having sex.
Once she drives him home, after ofcourse yelling at him, she brings him infront of his father to tell him what had happened..He told his dad that him and his teacher were caught having sex together during lunch and the father ofcourse saw the mothers face. So he proceeds to yell at his son and be "mad" at him. Ofcourse he isnt mad at all and is proud of his son so he tells him to go hop into the car!
This is the point where his father tells him how proud he is of what his son did and that he was taking him to go pick out a new KX125 from the dealership! So the 16 yr old kid gets a new bike and everything and when his dad tells him to take it for a spin the son says...Maybe some other time, my butts kinda sore still. And the dad is speechless

Lesson? Dont buy a Kawi.

[finsteratv]

obamamama

[CJM]

^ Thats erroneously wrong. (yes I know its a joke)

1. Osama was and has been dead for a LONG time.

2. He toppled nothing

3. Prevented a depression, nope he just lied to make the numbers not seem like we are in a depression-newsflash we are.

I hate that man more than anything..

[finsteratv]

All polititicians are screwed up..but..he does have donuts? haha..Rant on Marc, rant on.

[CJM]

Originally posted by finsteratv
All polititicians are screwed up..but..he does have donuts? haha..Rant on Marc, rant on.

If I said what I wanted some men in black suits and sun glasses would come and take me away sooner than later..

[dxcody]

Paying for internet so i can start a joke thread - $35.99 a month

Donating money to atvriders.com to be in good with the mods - $100

Having CJM share his sheer hate for Obama - $PRICELESS!

:) :) :) :)

[finsteratv]

CJM's jail bail amount after ranting -$1,000,000

[buck440]

Originally posted by CJM
^ Thats erroneously wrong. (yes I know its a joke)

1. Osama was and has been dead for a LONG time.

2. He toppled nothing

3. Prevented a depression, nope he just lied to make the numbers not seem like we are in a depression-newsflash we are.

I hate that man more than anything..

cjm grab your cat and some tinfoil hats, IT'S A CONSPIRACY!!!!