CJM
04-05-2012, 10:34 AM
Subject: The Laws
1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated
with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to
pee.
2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when
dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is
directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you
never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes),
the one you were in will always move faster than the one you
are in now (works every time).
7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in
water, the telephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting
someone you know increases dramatically when you are with
someone you don't want to be seen with ...Or you are wearing
something you don't want to be seen in!
9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone
that a machine won't work, it will.
10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is
inversely proportional to the reach.
11. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the
people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive
last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several
times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early
before the end of the performance or the game is over. The
folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long
gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the
performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of
hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will
last until the coffee is cold.
13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in
an entire locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-
faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly
correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you
don't know what you are talking about.
16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes
fit, they're ugly.
17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth
gathers no feet.
18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon
as you find a product that you really like, they will stop
making it.
19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an
appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there
you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll
stay sick.
1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated
with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to
pee.
2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when
dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is
directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you
never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes),
the one you were in will always move faster than the one you
are in now (works every time).
7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in
water, the telephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting
someone you know increases dramatically when you are with
someone you don't want to be seen with ...Or you are wearing
something you don't want to be seen in!
9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone
that a machine won't work, it will.
10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is
inversely proportional to the reach.
11. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the
people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive
last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several
times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early
before the end of the performance or the game is over. The
folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long
gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the
performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of
hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will
last until the coffee is cold.
13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in
an entire locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-
faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly
correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you
don't know what you are talking about.
16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes
fit, they're ugly.
17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth
gathers no feet.
18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon
as you find a product that you really like, they will stop
making it.
19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an
appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there
you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll
stay sick.