PDA

View Full Version : please read for school!



250exen
01-14-2003, 01:40 PM
ya i know this is the second time in 2 days a story has been posted but..... could you please help me out and read this and give me some feed back. i know this story kinda just ends but i didnt make a "published" copy of the second part yet. if you want me to post it i will.
thanks
tj

The Bad Day at the Race Track
“Ring, Ring,” went my phone as I was surfing exriders.com. I picked it up.
“Hello,” I said as I picked it up.
“Hello, is this Mr. Kline? If so, this is Mr. Lanshlaven and I’m from the AMA race program. According to my chart, you have a race this coming Saturday.”
“Wow, I didn’t know that,” I said. “Where is it??”
“Well it is at the Columbus Quad Quaker track,” he answered.
“OK,” I answered, “I will try to make it.”
“Well you better because you need the points,” he said.
“Alright,” I told him, but I was too late. He already hung up the telephone.
Anyway this will be my fifth race of the season, and I need to win it so I can be eligible to go to the finals. I have an awesome Honda 400EX modified with many aftermarket things, like a 416 kit that make the CC’s to 416. I also have all the good stuff like shocks and an axle and tires etc. All these things make my ATV run better, faster, and have even better handling then it did stock. That’s pretty amazing since the 400ex has the best handling a stock ATV can have.

“Dad, get up! We gotta leave soon,” I told my dad as I was chugging a glass of chocolate milk Saturday morning.
“Alright, I’m getting up,” he answered.
We both got ready, and I loaded up my four-wheeler, some tools, some parts, and my dads “ol’ scoot”. The “ol’scoot” is an old motorized scooter that my dad drives around. It’s his pit bike. Anyway I loaded it onto our trailer. I would of done it the night before, but there have been many cases of things, especially four-wheeler being stolen. So I decided to do it that morning.
We got into the truck, and we were off to Columbus. It was about a three hour drive, but it was well worth it. We stopped at McDonalds for breakfast.
We got to the track, and I unloaded all the stuff and went to check in at the grandstands. They told me that I would be racing around noon and warm-ups are starting now and that I should go check out the track. I said ok and went to get my gear on.
I got on my four-wheeler and started it up. It sounded awesome. I just put a new exhaust pipe on it and jetted it the night before. I hoped that it would help me get a better start. I drove my four-wheeler to the racetrack, and I took off at the starting gate. I didn’t go all out because I didn’t know the track. I went to the first turn in about third gear. I turned slowly and went over the first jump. I didn’t jump it because I didn’t know what was on the other side. I found that on the other side of the jump was a set of whoops. Whoops are pretty much a set of lots of big bumps in a row. I went over them and I took the second turn. The second turn had a great big burm on it so that was really cool. After I finished the first lap, I did another but a little faster. Then I did the same thing but even faster. That is my way to warm up and know the track.
When I finished practicing, it was around 11:00 so I waited at our trailer for noon to come around. I went to the stands and watched the first few races and then It was time for me to get my gear on and go to the starting gate.
I got to the starting gate and my adrenalin was going strong. I lined up in the middle gate. There must have been ten racers on either side of me. This race was packed!! I couldn’t wait to start!
The man came out with the thirty-second card and held it up. Then the man turned the card sideways after about fifteen seconds. That meant to get ready because the race was about to start. All I could think about is the wonderful deep sound of four-stroke and the smell of four-stroke exhaust with a hint of BBQ from all the cookouts.

The gate went down and I gunned the throttle. I was in about fourth gear when I got to turn one. I went down to second gear so I could get enough speed to hit the jump. All I could feel is the rumbling of my quad and pure adrenalin pumping through my body. At this time, I was in about third place. I could really taste the roost from the person in front of me! I hit the jump, got some wild air and I landed it. The person in front of me jammed his breaks and stopped right in the middle of the track. I’m guessing that his chain popped or his a-arm broke because of the impact from the jump.
Anyway, I hit him, and I flew off my quad and I hit a tree. I laid there unconscious for a second, when I finally came out of lala land and realized where I was. I got up, felt fine and decided to finish the race. That was a horrible mistake made by me!
Well I got up, and I got on my quad. By then I was in last place but not far from the person in front of me. I started my quad, and I was off, off like a racehorse. I wanted to get back to my spot so bad, so I was really pushing the limits of my quad and myself. I’m surprised that it didn’t blow up I was riding so hard.
I caught up to the second to last person and passed him quickly. I turned and passed another guy. I did this until I was in about sixth place with about three-and-a-half laps to go. Then I started to get nervous… everything seemed to be in slow motion. I couldn’t smell anything, which was kind of weird, but I think I had broke my noise when I wrecked. Also, my mouth tastes like a cactus, and I could feel the eerie feeling of blood running down my leg.
I passed the pit and looked over at my dad, and I saw him moving his hands like a windmill to get me to go faster. It was like I was in the movies. You know when they person is about to win and the put it in slow motion…

YamaWarr0121
01-14-2003, 02:27 PM
hey what the that was a good story wheres the rest?

if u want some help from a good writer, re read it n fix some of them sentences, and form better paragraphs, maybe more about the racing scene in one while your bike and your crash in another, other than that, and a tree in the middle of the track:huh it sounds good

ny300exrider
01-14-2003, 02:38 PM
these stories are sweet haahah good job

Glow Plug
01-14-2003, 02:52 PM
You won't mind if i printed this off and handed it in would you?? lol j/k

250exen
01-14-2003, 02:54 PM
ha no the tree is off to the side i guess??

Knight440
01-14-2003, 03:01 PM
Well how about the rest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sparks425Ex
01-14-2003, 04:05 PM
Originally posted by Knight400EX
Well how about the rest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah.

And I would recommend not treating everyone that is reading it like a retard. I mean I think just about everyone knows was a 416 does and I thiknk most ppl know what Whoops are. Just a suggestion. No flame intended. Just make the reading a little more fun to read.

Nice story tho so far.

Sparks425Ex
01-14-2003, 04:05 PM
Originally posted by Knight400EX
Well how about the rest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah.

And I would recommend not treating everyone that is reading it like a retard. I mean I think just about everyone knows was a 416 does and I thiknk most ppl know what Whoops are. Just a suggestion. No flame intended. Just make the reading a little more fun to read.

Nice story tho so far.

Sparks425Ex
01-14-2003, 04:08 PM
O geeze. I sorry. I didn't relize this was a school paper. I thought you was just telling us about what happened to you. Dang. Well now that makes sense why you were explaining w=hat a 416 and what whoops were.

Slow down. Make your sentences vary in length and re read and form some paragraphs. Go into detail more about the race scene and what else was going on around you.

250exen
01-14-2003, 04:08 PM
for nacs425ex, this is for school. not everone knows what thoes are and it wold make my teacher clueless.


edit: sorry guys, i dont have the other 1/2 of the story on disk. i think it some how got deleted bu i will look. sorry.