RIDER DOWN!! Down on my luck. Need help.

[ppeengines]

I turn to the people I love the most, The atv family. Life just sucks right now, I have done just about everything possible to cheer my wife up. But with no luck.
Well I married my wife knowing from the beginning that she couldnt have kids. I accepted that and it was no big deal. Well GREAT NEWS, we were having a baby, Its a miricale!! Everything was going great. Buying baby stuff, talking about names, sent out the baby shower invitations. All that fun stuff. Life was great. To see my wife with that smile, it meant the world to me. Life was great.
Well two weeks ago we lost the baby at 8months. I dont want to go into full details but my wife is just so depressed and I have tried to do everything in my power to cheer her up. Flowers, moral support, vacation, talking to her and helping her in any way. It seems to help but then back to where we started. She is not suicidal or nothing she is just down on her luck. And so am I.
I dont know if anyone has been through this? I am just wondering for some advice on what I should do? I already re painted the baby room and got all baby stuff out of the house. So there is nothing she can look at to remind her of it. I know time will mend her broken heart. Me I had a tough life, mom died when I was 12, brother died at 13, house burnt down and had nothing, you name it i probably went through it.I know how to deal with stuff like this. I dont keep it all balled up inside and then just break down one day, I just know how to cope better. Ya it still hurts me but its killing me seeing my wife go through this. She didnt deserve this but god has a reason for everything. Any advice is good advice. Thanks for reading this and trying to help a fellow rider.:(

death is never something easy to overcome. I just lost my best friend a couple weeks ago, most on here knew him has Honda10 but to me he was like a brother. I keep hearing time mends the pain but how long does it take? I wish I could erase the day I got that phone call but it keeps playing over when I go to bed. You seem like a very strong person and I pray that you and your wife can get through this. Best wishes,

Brad

[JAG Motosports]

That's sad..I feel for you both. Your in our prayers and remember "this too shall pass"

[Pappy]

I think the hardest reality to handle is that nature has a way of being cruel and despite our best efforts as human beings, we cant always get ahead of the curveballs life throws at us. The depression felt when a child is lost has to be unimaginable, but can be dealt with by allowing others to help.

There isnt any magic words, only time with support will help heal.

God bless you both

[kawabunga]

Wow, I can't imagine going though that. Death is never easy, and you've heard it plenty of times before but give it some time. It's hard. My grandfather passed away in April and I still have a hard time with it. Be there for your wife, offer your help. Even if she doesn't ask for it, you need to be there for her. Keep doing what you're doing and I hope the best for both of you. I'm sorry to hear that it happened.

[Quad18star]

I know what you are going through ... my fiancee and I had to deal with this same thing back in March when she lost our baby at 5 months. I know what your wife and my fiancee have had to go through and it's not something I wish upon anyone.

As it was said ... time heals things but it will be a rough ride for quite some time . It has been 6 months for us and we still think about it everyday , but there is still a lot of pain . Just like you , we had bought everything , shopped for baby clothes, the crib , high chair and everything else. Talking to friends and family , even professionals will help . We were greatfull that the hospital staff that took care of us were wonderfull and offered us lots of help and lots of reading material that helped us cope with it. I really hope they offered you guys the chance to take pictures with the baby and take hand and feet impressions ... that in itself is half of the battle.. they are memories that will last with you forever.

One thing that I have to keep reminding you and that you need to keep reminding your wife , is that they told her that she would never have children but she ended up pregnant . If she got pregnant once , that means it can happen again.

PM me if you wanna talk more about it.

[Raptorchick]

I am so sorry for your loss. I think one of the most difficult things anyone can face in their life is the loss of a child.

A couple of years ago, some close friends of mine lost their daughter to cancer. Even though they knew she was not going to survive, and they had time to prepare, they were still completely devastated when she passed on. After several months their pain had not subsided so they decided to look into support groups for couples who had lost a child. They said it really helped them to be able to talk to others who had been through the same thing, plus some of the other group members were able to offer some really good advise to help them cope. Your wife may benefit from something like that. Check with your local hospitals and churches, many of them have info on support groups like that.

I wish you and your wife the best in this difficult time.

[tri5ron]

There is nothing that I can say, beyond what has already been said. My heart goes out to both you and your wife, and I just wanted to say be there for each other.
You Both can, and will, make it through this hard time.
My wife and I have also dealt with unexpected and difficult experiences reguarding our kids.
As time will pass, it does lessen the pain, but it will never be completly gone. We just learn how to deal with it the best we can.
Have faith that things will get better, and they surely will. But it will take some time, stick together. you will both need each others strength.
Ron

[ppeengines]

Thanks Pappy, FlewByU352, JAG Motosports, kawabunga, Quad18star, tri5ron, and Raptorchick for all the great moral support and info. Also rundrave, Your pm's really made realize there is more to asking god why this happened, but to trust him. I believe this.
We knew from the beginning there could be problems, and no matter how hard you try to prepare for it, there is never enough to be prepared emotionally for this.
The one thing my wife said to me that would really help her is, If I would do a couple races/gncc's or local hare scrambles. She loves to watch me race and she loves the people and the atmosphere. I flat out refused at first, cuz at first I felt like I was benefiting out of this and being selfish. But I didnt ask her, she asked me. She has met some wonderful people at the races since we started going out and it makes her feel good to be around such a close knit family. She just wants us to be happy but I dont know. I feel funny about it.
If thats her way of wanting to deal with it and try to move on. She is the most strongest women I ever met and right know maybe she wants to reach out to you guys like I am doing here for support. I talk to her and try to help in every which way for her. And she knows I am doing my best.
All you guys who said a prayer for us I truley deep down want to say "THANKS" Life is tough and I know we will get through this. But knowing we have our family and friends support and know some of our riders and even some who have been through this giving us support. IT MEANS ALOT TO US.

[Quad18star]

You know , if that's what she wants and if it's going to make both her and you feel better , then get out there and race or ride.

Getting out there will probably take her mind off things , even if it's only for a day or a few hours . It'll give her mind a chance to rest and not think about what happened. I know when things happened with my fiancee and I , we decided to head out on vacation for almost 2 weeks ... just to get away and relax and be alone and to get it off our minds ( we toured different things , went out for dinners and so on) ... that was our way of dealing with it and that's what we both needed.

We were excited about having a baby , but tests results came back with some very sad information. You won't know right now why this happened to you guys , but in time you will know the reason. I trust my faith in knowing that this happened to us for a reason. My fiancee had given up on going to University to become a teacher when she found out she was pregnant ... she only had 1 year left until she was certified. A month after the loss , she got a letter in the mail saying she was accepted into the most recognized and hardest University to get into here in Canada. They chose only 400 people out of over thousands ( approx 7000) applicants. There's always a reason why things happen.

[ppeengines]

Originally posted by Quad18star
You know , if that's what she wants and if it's going to make both her and you feel better , then get out there and race or ride.

Getting out there will probably take her mind off things , even if it's only for a day or a few hours . It'll give her mind a chance to rest and not think about what happened. I know when things happened with my fiancee and I , we decided to head out on vacation for almost 2 weeks ... just to get away and relax and be alone and to get it off our minds ( we toured different things , went out for dinners and so on) ... that was our way of dealing with it and that's what we both needed.

We were excited about having a baby , but tests results came back with some very sad information. You won't know right now why this happened to you guys , but in time you will know the reason. I trust my faith in knowing that this happened to us for a reason. My fiancee had given up on going to University to become a teacher when she found out she was pregnant ... she only had 1 year left until she was certified. A month after the loss , she got a letter in the mail saying she was accepted into the most recognized and hardest University to get into here in Canada. They chose only 400 people out of over thousands ( approx 7000) applicants. There's always a reason why things happen.

Wow thats awesome about your fiancee getting accepted in the college. Ya there is a reason for everything.
The racing will clear our heads for the time being. She is my pit crew, She loves it and she motivates me so much. She will tell me "suck it up, quit dragging ***** and get the lead out!" when I pit for something. I love her for that. But mind you she refuses to get on back of my quad to go for a little ride, but she loves being part of my pit. HA HA. She keeps reminding me to exercise when I dont want to, she keeps a list of whats all needed to go to the races and what needs to be set up or to go register ect. She is a darn good woman. I need this and she want to do this. I only raced twice in my life and being 35 life is getting shorter for the racing.
I dont know if i am gonna tell her that I reached out to you guys for help/advice. But thanks for everything. I know now that life will go on, to take one day at a time. God bless

[snacob14]

been through it three times, along with a grandmother, grandfather and father all within four years. These things happen to make us stronger, although it doesn't make sense at the time, it will later down the road. My wife and I lost three babies all around the 3-4 month range. Keep up hope, I know its hard right now.

There's really nothing you can do or say right now man. I know it sounds and feels hopeless, but you two will make it through as long as you are there and available for her. It gets hard. I remember trying to make my wife feel better a bunch, and it rarely worked. I got so mad I punched our bedroom door down because of the deep depression she was going through and my inability to make it better. So, don't take it personal if she is struggling man. This stuff is hard, and while getting angry isn't the best thing to do, sometimes you just got to get through it however you can.
When you do, and can look back, you want to be able to say that this experience made you stronger as a couple, and if you work through it together it will make your marriage better than you ever could have imagined. Hold your chin up man, good things are coming. I'm living proof:) I got a 10 month old baby girl now...5 years later...name is Hope. And while I don't feel like I deserved this because of all the hearache we went through, I see it as a blessing. I'll be praying for you and your wife brother. We know that all things work together for good...we just gotta let them work brother.

[SRH]

its a cold world, be patient everything gets easier with time, im sure shell always carry some emotional baggage from it but thats life, some people shut down and give up dont allow her to do that and at some point shell be back to her old self.....

i know having your own child is a bit different but have you guys ever considered adopting a child? theres lots of kids with no parents

[Quad18star]

Originally posted by snacob14
When you do, and can look back, you want to be able to say that this experience made you stronger as a couple, and if you work through it together it will make your marriage better than you ever could have imagined. Hold your chin up man, good things are coming.

Now that's the truth.

Nothing tests a relationship more than an event such as this one. And if you guys can make it through it .. which it seems like you are ... this will only bring you guys closer to eachother and make you a stronger couple.

[ppeengines]

Originally posted by Quad18star
Now that's the truth.

Nothing tests a relationship more than an event such as this one. And if you guys can make it through it .. which it seems like you are ... this will only bring you guys closer to eachother and make you a stronger couple.

You know it very true about life and the tests it throws out at us. I hate tests!! But I always managed to get through them. My wife felt great today after I showed everything you guys said. She said "Thank You, I never met such great people in any other community like the atv/dirtbike community. Your words are words of inspiration that I will truely take to heart. Thank you and god bless you for keeping us in your prayers."
Thanks again snacob14, SRH, Quad18star, And to the rest I have already thanked. You dont know how much you have helped just by replying to my thread. We will pull through this rough road, hand in hand. Thanks again