Jack Handy

[Bryson#221]

..For those of us who get bored at work on the computer all day.

I'll start:



"If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming."

[suck my pipe]

I would do my best to pee on them.

[jesseweaver]

i'd go into a head first dive and see how fast i can go and see how deep of a crater i can leave :macho

[JOEX]

“I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs in my brain, because later you might think you're having a good idea but it's just eggs hatching.”

[j_cyrus3]

I remember when SNL had Jack Handy quotes.

my favorite

“It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.”

[Bryson#221]

Originally posted by j_cyrus3
I remember when SNL had Jack Handy quotes.

my favorite

“It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.”

Ahaha. I knew someone was gonna do that one. It's one of my favs :blah:

[WKY400EX]

I remember his quotes on SNL years back. That guy is hilarious. Here's a few that I found that made me laugh.

“If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.”

“I bet a fun thing would be to go way back in time to where there was going to be an eclipse and tell the cave men, "If I have come to destroy you, may the sun be blotted out from the sky." Just then the eclipse would start, and they'd probably try to kill you or something, but then you could explain about the rotation of the moon and all, and everyone would get a good laugh.”

“Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared”