Pappy
02-05-2009, 04:39 PM
Jeff Foxworthy's commentary on West Virginia
If you consider it a sport to sit in a
tree stand all day long with a bow or a gun just to put food in your
freezer, you might live in West Virginia.
If you're proud that your region makes
the national news 96 nights each year because Elkins is the coldest spot
in the nation, you might live in West Virginia.
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from
November through March, you might live in West Virginia.
If you instinctively walk like a penguin
for five months out of the year, you might live in West Virginia.
If someone in a store offers you
assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in West Virginia,
...cause you're all so ***** friendly.
If your dad's suntan stops at a line
curving around the middle of his forehead, cause he wears a hardhat you
might live in West Virginia.
If you have worn shorts, sunglasses and
a parka at the same time, you might live in West Virginia.
If your town has an equal number of bars
and churches, or if you are in church and your priest or minister asks
you to pray for the MOUNTAINEERS, and wants to get you all home for 1
p.m. kickoff, you might live in West Virginia.
If you have had a lengthy telephone
converstion with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in
West Virginia.
You Know You Are A True West Virginian
When:
'Vacation' means going up north past
I-64 for the weekend.
You measure distance in hours.
You know several people who have hit a
deer more than once.
You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of
snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
You see people wearing camouflage at
social events (including weddings).
You install security lights on your
house and garage and leave all the doors unlocked.
You carry jumper cables in your car and
your girlfriend knows how to use them.
Driving is better in the winter because
the potholes are filled with snow.
You can identify a southern or eastern
accent.
Your idea of creative landscaping is a
concrete statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.
You were unaware that there is a legal
drinking age.
Down South to you means CHARLESTON, WV.
A critter is something you eat.
Your neighbor throws a party to
celebrate his NEW FORD F150.
You go out to a fish fry every Friday
and bingo every Wednesday.
Your 4th of July picnic was moved
indoors due to frost.
Someone in your family killed
Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner.
You have at one time lived in or have at
least 10 relatives that live in Ohio.
You know that the smell around Easter is
worth it because ramps are Yummy.
Brown beans, fried taters, ramps, and
cornbread .....now that's fine dinning.
You wave to 99% of the cars you pass on
the road.
You are sure that Autumn is a gift from
God and this really is Almost Heaven.
You are aware of all 4 seasons: deer
bow, deer gun, deer muzzleloader, and turkey.
Because your home isn't remote enough,
you have a "camp" way up on a mountain somewhere.
You have a rifle in your car and your
girlfriend knows how to use it.
When asked where you are from, you name
your county.
You know that canning occurs in glass
jars, not cans.
You actually understand these jokes, and
you forward them to all our West Virginia friends
If you consider it a sport to sit in a
tree stand all day long with a bow or a gun just to put food in your
freezer, you might live in West Virginia.
If you're proud that your region makes
the national news 96 nights each year because Elkins is the coldest spot
in the nation, you might live in West Virginia.
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from
November through March, you might live in West Virginia.
If you instinctively walk like a penguin
for five months out of the year, you might live in West Virginia.
If someone in a store offers you
assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in West Virginia,
...cause you're all so ***** friendly.
If your dad's suntan stops at a line
curving around the middle of his forehead, cause he wears a hardhat you
might live in West Virginia.
If you have worn shorts, sunglasses and
a parka at the same time, you might live in West Virginia.
If your town has an equal number of bars
and churches, or if you are in church and your priest or minister asks
you to pray for the MOUNTAINEERS, and wants to get you all home for 1
p.m. kickoff, you might live in West Virginia.
If you have had a lengthy telephone
converstion with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in
West Virginia.
You Know You Are A True West Virginian
When:
'Vacation' means going up north past
I-64 for the weekend.
You measure distance in hours.
You know several people who have hit a
deer more than once.
You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of
snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
You see people wearing camouflage at
social events (including weddings).
You install security lights on your
house and garage and leave all the doors unlocked.
You carry jumper cables in your car and
your girlfriend knows how to use them.
Driving is better in the winter because
the potholes are filled with snow.
You can identify a southern or eastern
accent.
Your idea of creative landscaping is a
concrete statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.
You were unaware that there is a legal
drinking age.
Down South to you means CHARLESTON, WV.
A critter is something you eat.
Your neighbor throws a party to
celebrate his NEW FORD F150.
You go out to a fish fry every Friday
and bingo every Wednesday.
Your 4th of July picnic was moved
indoors due to frost.
Someone in your family killed
Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner.
You have at one time lived in or have at
least 10 relatives that live in Ohio.
You know that the smell around Easter is
worth it because ramps are Yummy.
Brown beans, fried taters, ramps, and
cornbread .....now that's fine dinning.
You wave to 99% of the cars you pass on
the road.
You are sure that Autumn is a gift from
God and this really is Almost Heaven.
You are aware of all 4 seasons: deer
bow, deer gun, deer muzzleloader, and turkey.
Because your home isn't remote enough,
you have a "camp" way up on a mountain somewhere.
You have a rifle in your car and your
girlfriend knows how to use it.
When asked where you are from, you name
your county.
You know that canning occurs in glass
jars, not cans.
You actually understand these jokes, and
you forward them to all our West Virginia friends