The hardest post I have ever had to make

[Moded86R]

There are a lot of things in life that you think are important. It might be your 4-wheeler,car,money in the bank whatever. It is normal thinking to think that way. Yes those things are important to you. There is something even more important. It matters more than anything else. It is hard to understand until something happens that brings you to face it head on.

Yesterday my Father ended his life. I cannot explain why. He did it. The fact remains that he did it. It was certainly a wake up call.

The feelings that have come over me since the cop woke me up and told me to get out of the house.Because my “Daddy just shot himself” Are extremely hard to explain. The numbness,disbelief,shock,and extreme hurt and anger are all here all the time.

My father the man that taught me how to ride a wheelie,adjust the valves on a sbc,the difference between a daul plane and single plane intake,The man that taught me every thing I know.Everything I love and care about is gone.From the times we went fishing to the playball in the yard.Or when we swapped a new crate motor in my mom’s Tahoe in record time.I cannot explain or put into words how much I cared for the this man.This all feels like a dream.A horrible horrible dream and I can’t wake up.

[Guy400]

I am so sorry to hear that. My prayers are with you and your family.

[2k2-300exnj]

:( i feel bad for ya man i am usually strong emotion wise this makes me hurt bc my dad doesnt take that great care of himself and has been a smoker forever... i hope i dont have to go through this before i am at least 30 or longer...
dont do anything dumb man i cant say i kno how u feel because i really dont but i hope u and your family can stay well and try to forget what has happened... just keep your kool man try to do something to get your mind off of it which i kno is going to be extremely hard...
im very sry about your loss

[OCCRA288]

My condolences go to you and your family.

[HondaRancherES]

Sorry to hear that especally right here at christmas. Goes to show ya all the money and quads in the world wont replace the ones you love. Just never forget the good memories and remeber he'll always be in your heart and if you ever need em go there. I'm sure you will feel better if you do what I said

[Ryan]

I am so sorry to hear this. I kinda know what your going through, my parents had an accident and my mother was taken away to the hospital and my dad drove home from the hospital and before he left he said that he was going to kill himself, I was in shock and not knowing untill I got to my house what was going to happen, He was in the bathroom with a knife and we had to break down the door to get it away from him. a month had pass and I was the only one living in the house with him becuase my parents separated so my mom moved out. I was there babysitting him and had to steal medications from him becuase he kept trying to take overdoces. It was one of the more horrible times of my life when going through this hole mess.
I hope everything works out for you and your family.:(

[quadridermx]

Im so sorry to hear that, but brace yourself... because when it does in a way become reality, it's gonna be real hard to get through.

My uncle whom i was close to also took his life. Although I can't imagine the pain you are going through right now, I have somewhat of an idea. Its not something we are supposed to have to go through.

Just hang in there and spend plenty of time with loved ones. They will help you get through it, and I'm sure you'll help them get through it also.

My condolences,

Andrew

[tants]

I'm so sorry. My prayers are with you and your faimly. Reading this thread kind of woked me up, it just goes to show how mean I am to my father. I couldn't inmagine what you are feeling like right now. I did have a close cousin to me who was going to play in the MLB for the Florida Marlins, he was killed on the way home from the scotting session, he ended up making his dream come true and making it into pro ball, but never could play.
Once again im sorry. Please don't answer this if it upsets you in any way, but was he any different in the past few days? Like give away any priza possisions. Once again please don't answer if you are unfomtable.

Please just let this make you stronger.

God bless your family :(

[Moded86R]

My parents have been married for 20 years.(I'm 17)My dad has been an alcholic since before I was born.Every night he would drink.He had been taking anti depressants and when he drinked it didn't make him right in his mind.

Two night ago my mom made porkchops for dinner and they weren't made right.So they started arguing.He left and so did I.he came back around 8:30 and went to sleep.The next morning I didn't go to work because I have been working 14 hour days for the past couple weeks and it was catching up to me.

He got up to go to work and came right back.He called my mom at work.And Said that the loved her and he loved the kids.He is sorry for what he is about to do.And then hung up the phone.My mom's boss.(Mine to.My mom and I both work at the same place)Called the sherrif's dept.And Whenever they got out here to the house it was to late.

[tants]

If you need any finacial support due to this, just post your home address, and hopefully others and I will help you out as much as we can.

[redrider ex]

because i don't really know what to say but im so sorry for you and to keep your head up and maybe things will get better in time. I give you my condolences from the Telles famly. you can pm me any time you want to talk to some one.

[Honda2003]

my dad died of canser about 6 years ago. it was hard watching him go through the pain he was in. the day he died i talked to him that morning then went to work. i got a call at work telling me to come home fast dads going fast. when i got home he didn't know me 30 minutes later he died. i watched my dad die in front of me.

[tants]

In the summer of 2000, like i said, my cousin died. It happened in June. This was one of the hardest times of my life I actually had the thought of suicide because of all these emtions I faced, i was only 14 at the time. I spent much time with the family and the pain eased with time. Please don't do anything stupid like that, just spend as much time with the family and with time, everything will get beter. keep your head up bro


Zack Tantalos

[Moded86R]

Don't worry I am not going to do anything stupid.I have witnessed and felt the pain it puts people through.

My freinds dad died of cancer sept 12.He also watched his father pass away.I am sorry to hear about your loss.My freinds dad was a wonderful man.I thought the world of him.Yet god took him away.Just like he did my father.Why I don't know.And I will never know.

Whenever it first happened I was crying alot.Then I didn't cry until i read this post.My grandparents are in town and I have been staying with my sister's.And trying to keep my mind off of it.


My dad and I spent the most time in garage.And that is the truth.We where out there more than inside.He was doing a frame off on a 78 jeep cj-5.And we just finished redoing the frame.And had just started on the redoing the rear axle.I would really like to finish the jeep just the way he wanted it and take it to care show's and stuff.


I know the real pain hasn't hit me yet.I am trying to stay strong.My mom is a complete wreck.She doesn't know what to do.I have tried to calm her.It is hard though.Esspecially whenever I am hurting to.


Thanks for the support.

[TheRedRebel17]

Good luck to your family and you
My colonences

[tants]

Originally posted by Rider-400EX
Good luck to your family and you..hope that doesnt happen to me

My colonences

think befor you post. that was the most inmature thing ive herd
"hope that doesnt happen to me"


:rolleyes:

[bsb64]

I'm really sorry. God Bless man.......

[ny300exrider]

sorry to hear that man...im lucky because my dad was diagnosed with a cancerous brain tumor...they were able to get the whole tumor out and now he is going through percautionary measures(chemo, and radiation) just to kill the extra cells. when i first heard my dad had a brain tumor...i didnt know what to do,,it felt like i didnt want to go on anymore...i cant imagine how it must be....im sorry man,
my thoughts and condolences to you and your family.

[flyin#5]

sorry to hear about your loss. my friends mom just died a couple weeks ago of cancer. our family was friends of there family and even though me and my friend (peter) werent that close but were still friends b4 that we got a little closer after that. he had a lot of trouble going through that stuff so about half of our grade showed up for his moms funeral and that helped alot

[Rastus]

I feel for ya man.....my dad passed away in 2000 of cancer... I was all of 12 years old...:(

I remember the last thing we did together was watch Austin Powers in his Hospital room. I could have saw him again, but he was in bad shape...and was totally wrapped in ice....I just couldn't go.

There will be alot of burdens you will have to bear, like me, I'm the only guy in the house .... 2 sisters and a mom.

Mainly...be there for your mom, brothers or sisters, and Grandparents....they're gonna need it.

No words can justify what has happened, until it hits you...you'll know what i'm talking about...

But mainly, be there for your loved ones....and cherish the memories you've had together....he's not really gone...he's always watching over you and your family...

[TheRedRebel17]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by TANTS


think befor you post. that was the most inmature thing ive herd
"hope that doesnt happen to me"


:rolleyes: [/QUOTE

I apoligize and I changed it....your rigth i really didnt think before my post...sorry guys and once again...

Good Luck and my condolences go to you and your family

[L.Vegas400]

you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers also. i lost an aunt to cancer 2 weeks before thanksgiving. its always darkest right before dawn.

[4punksdad]

Your story is a tragic one that happens all too often. One of my older sisters (41yrs old) took her life 2 years ago on dec 1st.
I was in total shock for days.

stay strong & don't lose your cool.
pm me if ya need to.

[Mxbubs]

I am terribly sorry for such a grave lost that can never be reclaimed. In a world where most everything is an illusion meant to decieve you, missing a lost family member is unfortunately real. Think about why this happened, and learn how to overcome that which he couldnt. Prepare yourself, one day too, you will be a father, and you will have a son that will look to you the same way.

May God comfort you and your family, you will be in many of our prayers.

[QuadTrix6]

im sorry to hear that, stay strong and youll be ok :(

[Pappy]

i really wish there was something i could right to ease your pain. it sounds like you have things in check....and right now im sure your mom is going to need your support more then ever. you and your family will be included in my prayers.


kenny

Sorry to hear man that really sucks and there has been alot of people getting hurt and losing lives and being depressed lately.. how come? It's x mas time and stuff I thought you all woul dbe happy. Well anyways sorry to hear man and g/l recovering over the family loss. Peace

[Matty]

Hey man sorry about your loss I'll be praying for you...if you need any help or someone to talk to I can put you in touch with a friend of mine who went throught the exact same thing...take care and God bless

[rookiex]

I feel for ya man.....I lost my grandpa and my best friend in the same day....:( ....sry about your father :(

[toby400ex]

im never good at talkin about this kind of stuff but I'm sorry for your loss.:(

[spliffy]

My Deepest Condolences To You & Your Family.

[400exBro]

i feel sorry for you, i lost my grandma last year, and she lives in germany half way around the world the last time i saw her was 2 years before she died, she was really close to my dad and mom and was always helping us out in any way she could...

if there is any way us, exriders, could do, please tell us and we will do our best...

God bless, i will keep you and your family in our prayers

Bro

[JUSTINcredible]

Last spring, a very close friend of mine was killed in a car crash right before her high school graduation, I was right behind her and seen it all happen we had been friends since we were 3 years old, we were nieghbors ans best friends and that was the worst thing I have evr been through and all kinds of people were there for me that I thought could have cared less and it made me fell so much better to see all of these people there for me.. so if you need any thing at all just let me know, I too am 17 and if you just want to talk to someone your age feel free to get ahold of on aim- blastermaster37 or on msn at blastermaster_99@hotmail.com

Good luck with everything and be there for your familey

[Glamis400ex]

Hey buddy, I am so sorry to hear about this tradgedy. I had tears in my eyes when I read it. I know all to well the conditions leading up to that. My sister tried suicide 3 times and failed all 3 times, thank god. The last time she tried, I was the one who found her near death and convulsing. Not a pretty site.

I can't imagine what you are going thru. I am so sorry the pain you must endure. Stay strong and believe that it will get better.

Glamis:(

[MEL]

my thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

[Woodsrider]

:( My prayers go out to you and your Mother. I am sorry.........

[redroost85]

What can I say that hasn't already be said? I am sorry for your loss man. I know it must be tough for you and your mom. It sounds like she could really use your strength right now. My thoughts are with you. Stay strong man.

[beerock]

sorry man I feel for you and your family.

Just be glad about the good times you had with him.

:)

[TC17]

my prayers go to you and your family. God bless you. there is a reason for everthing. sometimes we can't even begin to imagine what it is. pull through and stay strong.

[YLW400]

Well put Beerock.

[jerry-89-250R]

Sorry too hear about this, our prayers are with you and your mom

[Ryan]

I just wanted to add that we all live through tuff times and theres nothing we can do about it. After all the chaos I went through for a year with my dad being on meds and drinking (Just like your story) And now my mom just went through a surgery becuase they were fighting in the car and my dad got mad and crashed the car into a pole, the thing I noticed is that once something like this happens your now stronger then you were and in the future something is going to happen again and you will understand more and be stronger for yourself. During the time I went through all my crap I was put on anti depressants and still on them today, I suggest that you should look into a physciatrist* and see if you can be put on any medications. It helps alot.

[yellowex01]

Sorry for your loss. Just remember all the good times..And be thankful for them. I have no memory of my dad. He died in vietnam when I was one.

[BlazingYamahaYz]

sorry man...be strong, and u will be able to get through it....i cant say that i have ever gone through that, but my prayers are with all you guys that have ever lost someone close to u....

[Live2Ride300]

Im so sorry, be strong, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Remember all the good times, stay close to your loved ones and help each other through this hard time. I lost my grandfather to lung cancer last year, it was hard to go through, I wish I could have gotten to know him better. Im sorry about your father, god bless you and your family, my deepest condolences

Charlie

[TravEX]

my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family,,,stay strong,,,

[Moded86R]

Luckily I have the best freinds a person could ask for.I just swapped the swingarm for a different one.So tommorow we can go riding at st joe.This only depends on how my mom is feeling.Which I know won't be good.If not then oh well.We won't go.I just know riding will help.It has always helped everything before.

My dad taught me how to ride.From the first atc 70 he bought me.To my trx250r.He taught me everything I know.He could weld awesome,built our house,Built 2 drag race cars,He could honestly do it all.A man of all trades is the way my grandpa put it.'


Thanks for the thoughts and prayers.

[stocktires]

I feal for ya bro,
Just remember to keep ya head up and be strong, as hard as it may be. Try not to drown in sorrow, a close friend of mine did when her brother unexpectedly died and it only makes things worse. Be around your loved ones, they need you and you need them, I know.
The amount of replies to your post goes to show you how much of us care ;)

I hope everything turns out OK for ya,
your dad sounds like a nice guy

[400exInMI]

I am very sorry to hear this, may God be with you and your family.

[quadfamily]

Your Dad is at peace now. Try to draw strength from this. I hope that made sense. God bless you and yours.

[Castor-426ex]

im not going to say i know exactly how you feel but ive been through this situation before...but it was my very good friend that took his life...at first its shock...then the denial...and last but most hurtful is the pain...
The one thing that i always told myself is that the good Lord giveth and the Good Lord taketh away...even though it doesnt ease the pain...Remember the great times you had...and learn from that...and realize that he isnt dead...we never die..we just move on..we arent just a body composed of some special ingredients...we are souls..and God's children..and we will live forever...
anyways aside from my preaching mumbo jumbo...

ill be praying for you and your family

[airheadedduner]

Sorry to hear about your loss. Its really hard to say something to someone who just lost someone that was very close to them.

I was driving home from work today with one of my friends. We just started a new job and car pool. It was raining really hard and I was going kinda fast. Out of the blue she tells me one of her cousins died last week. It was on his 20th birthday. His dad had left that morning on a buisiness trip and his mom lived far away so his friends through him a party. He was on his way when his vehicle hydroplaned and flipped over. He managed to crawl out from it but died later at the hospital. He was someone their whole family loved. The whole time I was thinking of what to say to her, and still am. This post just reminds me more of that. Its to bad things like this happen for us to realize how importent life is. We take it for granted that every morning that we get up. I even ***** about it. But there is so much more to it then that. I know I will now drive much more carefull from now on. It is to bad we have to go through such things to learn this.

Good luck,
Aaron

[QuadJunkies]

This saddened me to read, I too have been though similar but I wont get into it.... all I can say, is you are gonna go through some major ups and downs and this is very normal,but you need to make sure and have somebody there to talk to when you need to. Dont keep it all bottled up inside.May God be with you and your family in this time of need..If you ever need anything PM me..;) Tina...

[quaddict53]

You and your family are in my prayers...

[d-14 rider 27]

I cant even begin to imagine what your goin thru. you sound like you were close to your dad. i cant say i have any idea what your going thru right now since the closest person i ever lost was a guy down the street i didnt know that well, so i dont know what to say, except try to stay strong, dont hold anything in, youll go crazy. you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Peace

[Benficachop]

:( Sorry man, i cant imagine the pain you are going through right now, i never lost someone so close to me. my condolenses:(

[kicken250x]

Man....I'm sorry to hear about that dude.:( My dad hasnt had anything to do with me ever since him and my mom got divorced. Dont try to forget him, instead, remember all the great things you did together, like changing the motor in your moms Taho((sp?) I think it was) in record time, riding four wheelers and learning to ride wheelies, even the small things like watching the game on sunday/one afternoon or riding to the shop to look at four wheelers and making fun of people you see on the way. Just try to have a marry x-mas and stay strong man!

[bradley300]

i think I speak for everyone on the board when i say that we are ALL always here for you and anytime you need to get something off your chest just post it. Everyone responds with love and advice they may have gathered on thier own, and this could be a huge help. Hey, if no one is home to talk to and your mom needs some help or anything tell her to sign on. we are all a huge familiy with one common bond and are here to help every one in the family thru these tough times.

we are all extremly sorry for your loss and are here any time you or your family needs something. you are in our prayers. pm if you need anything- Brad Morrison

[kicken250x]

Well said Brad...Well said...

[bansheeguy77]

dam bro that sucks i really feel for ya. this post actually brought a tear to my eye. the main thing i can say is try to be strong. dont look on the negative side always be positive. look on the bright side of it. it may be hard but try it helps. be strong and whenever you feel like you cant do something give itall you got and do it for your father. whatever you guy's hobbies were try the best and complete what he wanted done and do it in memory for him. does anyone know why he did it? another thing man dont hold anything in or back. if you just feel like crying or anything let it out dont care what people say. if you ever need anthing we are all here for you, pm me if you need some1 to talk to or msg me on aol. i feel for ya man :(

[Benficachop]

Yea were all here for you if you need to talk.

[440exnacsracer]

ive been reading post after post after post...and finally, when i reached the end, i realize that i spent almost 30 minutes...not wasted, just imagining being in your shoes. ive never been in a situation like that, so i have no advice, but may God be with you, your mother, and the rest of your family and friends.

[sduncan]

I am very sorry for your loss. I couldn't imagine losing my Pops. When you spoke of all the things he taught you and the fun you had working on quads, motors, and trucks, you reminded me of me and my father. We did, and still do, all that. Sometimes we take things for granted without realizing it.
Remember your Dad for who he was, the fun and good times you had and know that he will always be watching you. One day, you can teach and tell your own son the things that your dad told and taught you. Keep your head on straight and try to be there for your mother. She will be relying on you a lot now.
Post when you need or want to or if you just want to clear your head and talk. You'll get more chatter back at you than you could read.

Stay strong and you'll be OK.

[sweet300ex]

when i read this my eyes started to water, i feel so bad,you dont realize the important things in life until they are gone...God bless you man,stay stong, dont give up,and always think of the good times.... i couldnt imagine what you must feel like...i am so sorry....My thoughts go out to you and your family and Merry Christmas

[Jay300ex]

Moded86R,

I am very deeply sorry to read of your loss. There are some things in the world that you cannot prevent or change until it is to late. I am also 17 years old and a little more than a year ago my best friend whom I grew up with took his own life in front of me. Many of the emotions you described . . disbelief, regret, anger . . all of them are all to familiar with me.

Be strong my friend and do not lose strength, because the hard part is just now happening.


Regards,

Jay

[Moded86R]

Again thanks for all the support.I never imagined it would get like this.

My ex-girl freind still lives with me.She lost her dad when she was 10.We stayed up till 4 in the morning just talking.It really felt good.I can talk to her better than I can talk to all my freinds.I don't know why.It felt good though

I am getting ready to leave for church right now.And then I am going to the layout.Man this is going to be hard


Again thanks for all the support.It really does help knowing there are people you have never even met that care.


Thanks.

My prayers go out to you man. My dad was in a position like yours a few weeks ago, his cousin, who was a sugar cane farmer, also took his life. We dont really know why, it really hurt my dad a lot, and i could tell it did, so i know how u must be feeling, just stay strong!

[upstate rider]

Sorry , My prayers are with you

[nacs400ex]

my condolences go to you and your family. My aunt passed away last year, and I couldn't believe what happened for the longest time. Then it just hit me. I found it was good to go riding and remember your favourite times with them. I can't even imagine how you feel, Its so hard to talk about these kinds of things.
I am sorry to hear bout this dude.

Craig Hendriks

got pics of your dad? it helps. think of it as, "hes still with you" kinda thing, because his spirit is.
Youll see him again, but not yet.
-Jullius Calpriece

[Moded86R]

I just got back from the layout.I was doing alright for a long time.Then his best freind walked in.Then it became all to real.

They had been freinds since the 2nd grade.He moved to west virginia in the navy for the long time.Then he came back.They both bought qaudzilla's.My mom would never let them race though.They where way to competive.Most of my good memories with my dad was when he was around.Whenever it snowed we would always go get him and go driving around.We would drive down backroads and look for people that where stuck and pull them out.They would talk about old times.Him and my dad are so much alike it is unreal.

The hardest part is going to be ahead of me.Whenever I would be working on something.All's I had to do was ask him.And he would always know.He was a smart.Not to many people can rebuild a 250r tranny without a manual.He did though.He had a 69 camaro.That was backhalved.With good year slicks.Had a 454 bored and stroked to a 502 that ran on alcohol.It was his pride and joy.Unfortuantly the local strip flooded and never reopened.He built the entire car himself.It was rusted out and burnt out when he bought it.He turned it into a beatiful car.He built my first truck for me to.

There is no way I can fill his shoe's.He had acclomplished so much.And provided for this family.

[exriderdude]

:( what can i say man :(

i feel ya :(

[Poncho]

When I first read this it also brought a tear to my eye. This made me think of my father who is alot like yours. My dad is always talking about old times and those wonderful storys they tell us when we are sitting around after eating.:) You sound like a very responsible young man and are doing the best you can right now during this dreary time. I really respect you for being there for your mom. I really think if this happened to me I couldn't take it. Hang in there and everything will get better, I promise. My nieghbor(sp) who I am very close to lost his daughter, then a few months later his wife, and then that summer his grandson whom I was very good friends with and was the first one to the place where he died. He fell off of a pontoon boat, the boat ran over him and he went into shock. Another boy jumped in to help him and he just about drowned him. There was nothing they could do for him because he was going to drown the other boy also.:( The farm I live on joins the lake where they were and I rode up to them just to say Hi on my four wheeler. When I got there I found out what had happened and rushed back to tell my dad what had happened. (he is a firefighter and emt) He called and for 2 days we drug the lake with hooks to find him. I was beside the boat that found him. This was the first time I had ever saw a person that had been underwater and I knew him. This was very hard on me to see this and I know that what you are going through is 100 times harder than what happened to me. My condelense(SP) are with you and your family.

Sincerely,
Spencer Sims :(

[JTRtrx250r]

I myself know what you are going thru,I lost my father 2 yrs ago,I cant go into it but just reading this made my eyes well up,I send my sympothy to you and your mom."Carpe Diem"- seize the day-

[bansheerider_13]

im sorry to hear this i had tears in my eyes just reading this but im sure nothing i can say can ease your pain and you would give anything i the world to have him back but i know the pain you are going though just try and keep everything streight and keep your cool my prays are with you