Joke of the day

[Pappy]

The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the rugged mountains of Alaska for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope Mobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods.

A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a 'Save the Whales' hat and a 'To Hell with Bush T-shirt,' was screaming while struggling frantically and thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly.

As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Republican loggers came racing up. One quickly fired a 44 magnum into the bear's chest. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Democrat from the bear's grasp. Then using long clubs, the three loggers finished off the bear and two of them threw it onto the bed of their truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.

As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. 'I give you my blessing for your brave actions!' he told them. 'I heard there was a bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic environmental activists but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true.'

As the Pope drove off, one logger asked his buddies 'Who was that guy?'

'It was the Pope,' another replied. 'He's in direct contact with heaven and has access to all wisdom.'

'Well,' the logger said, 'he may have access to all wisdom but he doesn't know squat about bear hunting! By the way, is the bait still alive, or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and get another one?

[JParisi48]

hahahaha thats a good one:D

[fandl450r]

Originally posted by I live for this
Thats just soooo funny:rolleyes:

You're a moron.

[Pipeless416]

haha i needed that today

[ProspectorJim]

Originally posted by I live for this
Thats just soooo funny:rolleyes:

"Sarcasm is the refuge of a shallow mind".

[3or4HONDA]

classic...lol :)

[ZeroLogic]

Lmao, thats a good one Pappy.:blah:

[Blue250X]

Originally posted by I live for this
If you guys lived in Alaska you would understand why this isnt funny.

Please, do share your Alaskan theory.

[250r rider 88]

please realize this is a joke, if you like it great if you don't thats fine too no need to cry about it on the forums

-that is all

[Pappy]

Well, he can only be concerned of loggers, bears, the pope or a democrat ****ed by a bear.......


in any event its a joke junior, lighten up you will live longer:p

(what is it with all these crybaby whiney asses on the site lately? is there a national shortage of tits to suck on or what?:devil: )

**** them if they cant take a joke:eek:

[Pipeless416]

Originally posted by I live for this
Yah your right I'm just so sick of stupid Alaska jokes. I'm so sick of everyone who thinks Alaskans are redneck trailer trash, truth be told most Alaskans are normal people.

and truth be told a joke that includes loggers and bears shouldn't take place in florida. its just a joke and alaska fit the setting.

[fastredrider44]

Originally posted by I live for this
Yah your right I'm just so sick of stupid Alaska jokes. I'm so sick of everyone who thinks Alaskans are redneck trailer trash, truth be told most Alaskans are normal people.

Hey, I live in Kentucky. It amazes people when I get gas out of state that I wear shoes. On the other hand I had a woman come into work one day and ask If I raced Moose when I had my Moose racing Snowshoe, WV t-shirt on. Stereotypes of people because of the state they're from crack me up.

[fastredrider44]

Originally posted by Pappy

(what is it with all these crybaby whiney asses on the site lately? is there a national shortage of tits to suck on or what?:devil: )



IMO, many people are just getting whiney cause they know they're bout to get it up the *** when "Change" takes place in Washington come January.

[Pipeless416]

that makes me a corrupt yuppy who is afraid of the outdoors! :)

[hawood]

Originally posted by fastredrider44
a woman come into work one day and ask If I raced Moose when I had my Moose racing t-shirt on

Holy $###, I think that might be the funniest thing that I have ever heard.

[derekhonda]

Some 80 year old man told me this joke monday morning about 5 am at the gym. It was probably funnier because I didn't expect it from an old man but I'll contribute to the thread.


So a cute little blonde walks into a shoe store and is looking around for a pair of shoes. She bends over wearing "only" a skirt and the two guys behind the counter catch a glimpse. One guy turns to the other and says "i'd love to fill that full of ice cream and grab a spoon and eat it all up". He thought he was whispering but the girl hears him and storms out of the store.

She goes home to her boyfriend, and tells him what she heard. She then goes, "now what are you gonna do about it?"

The guy replies, "Nothing, and for 3 reasons. 1. You already have too many damn shoes, you don't need to be in a shoe store anyways. 2. You got out in public without panties on, expect comments like that. and 3, there isn't a son of a ***** alive that would be able to eat that much ice cream."

[907Rider]

^^^^^^
HAHAHA
Good one!

Originally posted by Pappy
Well, he can only be concerned of loggers, bears, the pope or a democrat ****ed by a bear.......


in any event its a joke junior, lighten up you will live longer:p

(what is it with all these crybaby whiney asses on the site lately? is there a national shortage of tits to suck on or what?:devil: )

**** them if they cant take a joke:eek:

**Edited**

You were banned for not stopping with the crap, you want to try for double or nothing?

[gcart2]

Originally posted by MrManly
**Edited**

You were banned for not stopping with the crap, you want to try for double or nothing?

lol good stuff, i love this site:p


Get at em' Pappy:D


and thats cool what you did for the "project rebel" guy:cool:

[Toadz400]

Originally posted by I live for this
Yah your right I'm just so sick of stupid Alaska jokes. I'm so sick of everyone who thinks Alaskans are redneck trailer trash, truth be told most Alaskans are normal people.

How old are you?

Good joke Pappy. I'm considered "Democrat", I guess, and I thought it was a funny joke. People need to learn to be able to laugh at life, not get all worked up over the smallest things that don't matter!

How do you think people that live in Alabama feel with all the incest jokes? Or Texans with the redneck jokes? Or Wisconsin (me) with the redneck, incest, deer, dairy, etc. jokes? Or California with the hippy jokes? Get over it and learn to laugh every once in awhile. You'll be surprised how much better life is that way.

[dbc112]

Joke:


ASK ME IF I AM A TREE

[dbc112]

Another one..

What do you call a fish with 2 knees?


And another:

How do you make a tissue dance?

[ZeroLogic]

Originally posted by dbc112
Another one..

What do you call a fish with 2 knees?


And another:

How do you make a tissue dance?
A two-kneed fish.

Put a little boogie in it.

[derekhonda]

Originally posted by ZeroLogic
A two-kneed fish.

Put a little boogie in it.

Im guessing its more like tunee fish (tuna for those that lack common sense)

Originally posted by MrManly
**Edited**

You were banned for not stopping with the crap, you want to try for double or nothing?

Getting banned for annoying you is a lot different than me doing something wrong. I said the phrase twice, and got banned.

An edited post would have got the point across, but whatever. I expect to be banned by this time tomorrow. Please don't disappoint me.

[ridered11]

oh snap

Originally posted by Pappy
The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the rugged mountains of Alaska for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope Mobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods.

A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a 'Save the Whales' hat and a 'To Hell with Bush T-shirt,' was screaming while struggling frantically and thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly.

As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Republican loggers came racing up. One quickly fired a 44 magnum into the bear's chest. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Democrat from the bear's grasp. Then using long clubs, the three loggers finished off the bear and two of them threw it onto the bed of their truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.

As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. 'I give you my blessing for your brave actions!' he told them. 'I heard there was a bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic environmental activists but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true.'

As the Pope drove off, one logger asked his buddies 'Who was that guy?'

'It was the Pope,' another replied. 'He's in direct contact with heaven and has access to all wisdom.'

'Well,' the logger said, 'he may have access to all wisdom but he doesn't know squat about bear hunting! By the way, is the bait still alive, or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and get another one?


lmao this made my day

hey you should do this every day!

Originally posted by 631kfx400
a courter pounder hey i got suspended for 3 days for telling that one !!!

[631kfx400]

just deleted it, thanks for the warning ;)

[derekhonda]

pm that one to me if you will

Originally posted by 631kfx400
just deleted it, thanks for the warning ;) lol no not from here! from school!

hehe ever wanna see two catholic preists fight? throw a little boy betwwen em

wanna see two jews fight? throw a penny between em!


not being racist, my jewish cousins actually told me tht one

[brian76708]

How many republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just 1, but first he'll have to spend $40 million in taxpayer money holding a congressional hearing on it, while complaining how everyone else wastes money. Then he'll have a special investigator spend another $40 million on it.

[powermadd400ex]

Originally posted by derekhonda
pm that one to me if you will

me to.

what do fat white women and cinderblocks have in common?




both have been laid by mexicans :p


no racism intended.

[907Rider]

Originally posted by mxcowboy
hey i got suspended for 3 days for telling that one !!!
haha look who gets a 5day weeked! Perents got to be pissed tho'

***EDIT*** Sorry for acting like a jack@ss the other day. I was having a bad day, didn't think the joke was funny and shouldn't have posted to anything. I will delete my posts***EDIT***

[derekhonda]

Originally posted by brian76708
How many republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just 1, but first he'll have to spend $40 million in taxpayer money holding a congressional hearing on it, while complaining how everyone else wastes money. Then he'll have a special investigator spend another $40 million on it.

I think you better fact check on that which one is in favor of big goverment and which one isnt.

Maybe a better joke is: How many repubs does it take to change a lightbulb. 0, our butler will get it!

[fastredrider44]

What does a fat chick and a shingle have in common?

They both have a 95% chance of getting nailed by a Mexican.

[chris46250r]

Man walks in to a bar and sits down at the counter where he notices a jar filled with money.

He asks the bar tender what the jar of money is for and the bar tender replies

"Well, you put two dollars in the jar and i give you three tasks to do, you do the three tasks, you get the money"

The guy said "well ill just leave it alone"

Guy drank a few beers, and started to get pretty drunk, and slapped two dollars in the jar and said

"now give me my tasks"

The bar tender said "okay, well first you have to drink a full bottle of tequila, then there is a bull dog out back that has a loose tooth, youve got to pull that loose tooth, then when youve done that there is a 90 year old woman up stairs who has never had sex before, youve got to take care of that for her."

The guy staggers to the bottle, and downs it completely. He then staggers outside to the bull dog.

Well, the bar tenders hears the most awful screaming, biting, and growling he has ever heard. Few minutes later the guy walks back in with his close all tattered and ripped, pants ate up to his ankles and says

"now where is this 90 year old woman with the loose tooth?"

[chris46250r]

A young man moved into a new apartment of his own and went to the lobby to
put his name on his mailbox.

While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the
mailboxes, wearing a robe.

The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him.

As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had
nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye
contact After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said,
'Let's go to my apartment,... I hear someone coming.'

He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against
it, allowing her robe to fall off completely.

Now nude, she purred at him, 'What would you say is my best feature?'

Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, 'It's got to be your ears.'

Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, 'My ears? Look at these breasts;
they are full and 100% natural. I work out every day and my butt is firm and
solid. Look at my skin - no blemishes anywhere. How can you think that the
best part of my body is my ears?'

Clearing his throat, he stammered .... 'Outside, when you said you heard
someone coming.... that was me.'

[jcv400ex]

Alaskan Computer Terms
Log on: Make the wood stove hotter.
Log off: Don't add no more wood.
Monitor: Keep an eye on that wood stove.
Download: Getting the firewood off the truck.
Floppy Disk: What you get from trying to carry too much firewood.
Ram: The thing that splits the firewood.
Hard Drive: Getting home in the winter.
Prompt: "Throw another log on the fire".
Window: What to shut when it's cold outside.
Screen: What to shut during mosquito season.
Byte: What mosquitoes do.
Bit: What the mosquitoes did.
Megabyte: What BIG mosquitoes do.
Chip: Munchies when monitoring.
Microchip: What's left after you eat the chips.
Modem: What you did to the weeds.
Dot Matrix: Old Dan Matrix's wife.
Lap Top: Where kitty sleeps.
Mouse: What eats the food in your pantry.
Mainframe: What holds the house up.
Web: The things spiders make.
Web Site: The garage or attic.
Cursor: Someone who swears a lot.
Search Engine: What you do when the truck dies.
Screen Saver: A repair kit for the torn window screen.
Home Page: A map you keep in your back pocket just in case you get lost when hunting moose.
Upgrade: Driving up into Atigun Pass.
Sound Card: One of them technological birthday cards that plays music.
User: Buddy down the street who keeps coming over borrowing stuff.
Network: When you have to repair your fishing net.
Internet: Where the fish get caught.
Netscape: When a fish gets away.
On-line: When you get the laundry on the clothesline.
Off-line: When the clothespin lets go and the laundry falls on the ground.

[meankfx]

if an apple and obama were both up in a tree and they suddenly fell. Wich one would hit the ground first?




the apple cause the rope would catch obama.

[ZeroLogic]

LMFAOOOOOOO!

[631kfx400]

Originally posted by meankfx
if an apple and obama were both up in a tree and they suddenly fell. Wich one would hit the ground first?




the apple cause the rope would catch obama.
omg thatsss ossoosososoooooo badddddd
but funny

[hypersnyper6947]

Originally posted by derekhonda

Maybe a better joke is: How many repubs does it take to change a lightbulb. 0, our butler will get it!

NICE!

[hypersnyper6947]

Whats a difference between a mexican and a large pizza.




A large pizza can feed a family of four.



I thought i would add that im not a racist its just that so many good jokes involve race. That was the cleanest one i could think of.

[hypersnyper6947]

Whats the difference between a jew and a canoe



A canoe tips

[reconmaster]

wheres the last place you seen the paraplegic? the last place you left him.....

[reconmaster]

i'm not gonna like about the above or this one...

wanna hear a dirty joke? a white horse fell in a puddle

how does a newfie take a bubble bath? farts in a puddle..

how does a newfie take a shower? pees in the wind...

a line i say to my friends.. don't make me get up and mae me give you a boot in ***

and my friends say to me when i have a beer in my hand...are you allowed to drink and drive?

[ZeroLogic]

Originally posted by reconmaster
and my friends say to me when i have a beer in my hand...are you allowed to drink and drive?

I like that one.:blah:

How's everything going?

[Brauap]

Originally posted by chris46250r
Clearing his throat, he stammered .... 'Outside, when you said you heard
someone coming.... that was me.'


Explain please?

[Brauap]

Originally posted by chris46250r
Man walks in to a bar and sits down at the counter where he notices a jar filled with money.

He asks the bar tender what the jar of money is for and the bar tender replies

"Well, you put two dollars in the jar and i give you three tasks to do, you do the three tasks, you get the money"

The guy said "well ill just leave it alone"

Guy drank a few beers, and started to get pretty drunk, and slapped two dollars in the jar and said

"now give me my tasks"

The bar tender said "okay, well first you have to drink a full bottle of tequila, then there is a bull dog out back that has a loose tooth, youve got to pull that loose tooth, then when youve done that there is a 90 year old woman up stairs who has never had sex before, youve got to take care of that for her."

The guy staggers to the bottle, and downs it completely. He then staggers outside to the bull dog.

Well, the bar tenders hears the most awful screaming, biting, and growling he has ever heard. Few minutes later the guy walks back in with his close all tattered and ripped, pants ate up to his ankles and says

"now where is this 90 year old woman with the loose tooth?"

But this one was hilarous!!!! :blah:

[powermadd400ex]

Originally posted by Brauap
Explain please?

lmfao!!!

[reconmaster]

Originally posted by ZeroLogic
I like that one.:blah:

How's everything going?

pretty good just got a week left in the semester, in the process of renuilding my yfz trainin hard as usual and well enjoyin my weekend..

a famous line from family guy.... holy crip its a crapple...

[Brauap]

Originally posted by powermadd400ex
lmfao!!!

Ahahaha! DOH! I had to read it outloud! haha

[Pappy]

Originally posted by MrManly
Getting banned for annoying you is a lot different than me doing something wrong. I said the phrase twice, and got banned.

An edited post would have got the point across, but whatever. I expect to be banned by this time tomorrow. Please don't disappoint me.

Sorry im a day late, you dont rate high on my to do list, but I aim to please.

[gclax1336]

What did one saggy boob say to the other...?



Better get some support before they think were nuts!