Jokes... i love these threads

[ATV Chic]

^^^ lol



Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, chartera double-decker bus for a week-end gambling trip to Louisiana. TheBrunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the Blonde team rode onthe top level. The Brunette team down below really whooped it up, having a great time, when one of them realized she hadn't heard anything from the Blondes upstairs. She decided to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reached the top, she found all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles. The brunette asked, 'What the heck's going on uphere? We're having a great time downstairs!'One of the Blondes looked up at her, swallowed hard and whispered... 'YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER.

[ATV Chic]

A crusty old man walks into the local Lutheran Church and says to the secretary, "I would like to join this damn church."



The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"



"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn church!"

"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church."



The secretary leaves her desk and goes into the pastor's study to inform him of her situation. The pastor agrees that the secretary does not have to listen to that foul language.



They both return to her office and the pastor asks the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"



"There is no damn problem," the man says. "I just won $200 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to join this damn Church to get rid of some of this damn
money."



"I see," said the pastor. "And is this ***** giving you a hard time?"

[ATV Chic]

> A woman was leaving a convenience store with her morning coffee when she
> noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby
> cemetery.
> A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50
> feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman
> walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her, a short distance back, were
> about 200 women walking single file.
>
> The woman was so curious that she respectfully approached the woman
> walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now
> is a bad time to disturb you, but I have never seen a funeral like this.
>
> Whose Funeral is it?"
> "My husband's."

> "What happened to him?"
>
> The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him."
> She inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"
> The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my
> husband when the dog turned on her."
>
> A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two
> women.
>
>
>
> "Can I borrow the dog?"
>
>
>
> "Get in line."

[ATV Chic]

Apartment Rental

A married businessman meets a beautiful girl and
agrees to spend the night with her for $500.

He spends the night with her but before he leaves,
He tells her that he does not have any cash with him,
But he will have his secretary write a cheque and mail it to her,
Calling the payment

"RENT FOR APARTMENT."

On the way to the office he regrets what he has done,
realizing that the whole event was not worth the price.
So he has his secretary send a check for
$250 and enclosed the following typed note:


Dear Madam: :

Enclosed you will find a check in the amount of $250 for rent of your
Apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I
Rented the apartment, I was under the impression that;

1) it had never been occupied;
2) that there was plenty of heat; and
3) that it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home.
However, I found out that it had been previously occupied,
There wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large.

Upon receipt of the note,

The girl immediately returned the check for $250

With the following note:


Dear Sir,

First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a
beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.
As for the heat, there is plenty of it,
If you know how to turn it on.
Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size,
But if you don't have enough furniture to fill it,
Please don't blame the landlady.

Send the rent in full or we will be forced to
Contact your present landlady

[54warrior]

Hey!!! Did everyone forget about this thread????


In 1986, Dan Harrison was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University.

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Dan approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.

As carefully and as gently as he could, Dan worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.

Dan stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.

Dan never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.



Twenty years later, Dan was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son.

As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Dan and his son Dan Jr. were standing.

The large bull elephant stared at Dan, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Dan couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant.

Dan summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Dan's legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly .

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

[54warrior]

Joe's Old Boat

Joe and John were identical twins. Joe owned an old dilapidated boat and kept pretty much to himself.

One day he rented out his boat to a group from out-of-state who sank it. Joe spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could and was out of touch all that day and most of the evening.

Therefore, Joe did not know that his brother John's wife had died suddenly that day. When Joe got back on shore he went into town to pick up a few things at the grocery. A kind old neighbor woman mistook him for John and said: "I'm so sorry for your loss. You must feel terrible."

Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat said: "Heck no! Fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always holding water. She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. ;I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to those four guys who were looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good and smelled bad. But they wanted her anyway. The darn fools tried to get in her all at one time and she split right up the middle!"

The old woman fainted.

[Raptor68]

One day little Johnny heard a noise and peeked into his parents room to check it out.
He opened the door to see his mom bent over the dresser and dad going at it, behind her.
Johnny's dad saw him and gave him a little wink as Johnny closed the door.
After business was finished, Dad went to check on little Johnny.
He opened his bedroom door to find Grandma bent over the dresser and little Johnny going at it behind her.
Dad yelled, "Johnny, what the hell are you doing?!"
Little Johnny replied,
"It's not so funny when it's YOUR mom, is it?"

[54warrior]

Why did Raggedy Andy break up with Raggedy Ann?


He found her sitting on Pinocchio's face screaming, "Lie to me! Lie to me!".



Lil Johnny came down for breakfast.......his mom told him, you know better than that...... you have to go feed the animals before breakfast....so lil Johnny went to the barn and on his way he smacked the chicken, kicked the hog, and cracked the cow.....when he came back to the table there was a bowl of cereal with no milk.....Johnny asked where's the bacon & egg's......Mom replied well I watched you through the window as you smacked the chicken, kicked the hog and cracked the cow ......so there will be no eggs, bacon or milk for you for a month!........just then Johhny's dad tripped over the cat and then gave it a swift kick!.....Johnny looked at Mom and replied.............Should I tell him or should you ....lol





Two couples were playing poker one evening.

Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bob's wife Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, Jim upon trying to sit back up hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bob's wife followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?" Surprised by her boldness, Jim admitted that indeed he had. She said, "Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500." After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, Jim confirms that he is interested.

Sue told him that since her husband Bob worked Friday afternoons that he should come to her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.

When Friday came Jim showed up at Bob's house at 2 p.m. sharp -
and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500, they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction as arranged.

Jim quickly dressed and left.

As usual Bob came home from work at 6 p.m. and on arriving, asked his
wife: "Did Jim come by the house this afternoon?"

With a lump in her throat Sue answered "Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon." Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did he give you $500?"

Sue, using her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500 but why do you ask?"

Bob, with a satisfied look on his face said " Well Jim came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me, he promised that he'd
stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back."

Now THAT is what I call a sharp Poker Player!





A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

[tim colston]

Originally posted by 250r4life
best joke of the year? are you kidding me- thats not funny at all... its disturbing... its people who laugh about this and dont let it bother them is why we are going to continue to bury our own grave for people who shouldnt be here in the 1st place... we're destroying the best nation on earth

jesus christ buddy. calm down, This is a joke thread. Take your panties out of your *** and chill

[gncc025]

DEER MEAT

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for
dinner.

Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the
kids what kind of meat
i t is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.

The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their
plates, so they
begged their dad for the clue.

Well, he said, 'It's what mommy calls me sometimes'.

The little girl screams to her brother

'Don't eat it, it's an ***hole..

[quadracer707]

Little boy writes to Santa,

Dear Santa,

Please send me a little brother for Christmas.
Love Timmy.

Santa replies,

Dear Timmy,

Send me your MOM,

Love Santa

[Pvt. Maggot]

Why do lesbians love cabelas?




































Because they don't like DICKS.

[54warrior]

Time to revive this thread!!


Two Texas farmers, Steve and Joe, are sitting at their favorite bar,
drinking beer.

Steve turns to Joe and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life
without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the community college, and sign up for some
classes."

The next day, Steve goes down to the college and meets Dean of Admissions
who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and
Logic.

"Logic?" Steve says. "What's that?"

The dean says, "I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"

"Yeah." "Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think
that you would have a yard."

"That's true, I do have a yard."

"Because you have a yard, I think
logically that you would have a house."

"Yes, I do have a house."

"And because you have a house, I think that
you might logically have a family."

"Yes, I have a family."

Because you have a family, then logically you must
have a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be
a heterosexual.

"I am a heterosexual. That's amazing; you were able to find out all of
that because I have a weed eater."

Excited to take the class now, Steve shakes the Dean's hand and leaves
to go meet Joe at the bar.

He tells Joe about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English,
History,and Logic.

"Logic?" Joe says, "What's that?"

Steve says, "I'll give you an example.
Do you have a weed eater?"

"No."

"Then you're a queer".

[54warrior]

Granny Adams made such beautiful pies! One day I asked her, "How do you get such beautiful pies with the crimps around the edge so even?"

"Well, it's a family secret," she said. "But if you promise not to tell, I'll let you in on it."

"Okay," I said. "Tell me!"

"Well, first, I roll out the dough, making sure it is flat and even. Then I cut out the bottom layer and carefully put in the pie plate and make sure it is firmly against the sides of the plate.

Then I slowly pour in the filling, making sure it's not too full.

Next, I cut out the top layer and carefully put it over the filling.

Finally, I take out my teeth and just run them around the edge of the pie crust and they make the nicest even impressions you ever did see!"

[54warrior]

This just proves that
we have become too dependent on our computers.


Are you male or female? To find out the answer, look down...

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Look down, not scroll down, dummy!

[54warrior]

EYE TEST FOR OLD GEEZERS

http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b205/norsseman/eye_test.jpg

[54warrior]

Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the customs of American Indians. After a tour of a reservation they were on, she asked why the difference in the number of feathers in the head dresses.

She asked a brave who had one feather in his head-dress & his reply was, “Me have only one squaw, me only have one feather”.

She asked another brave, feeling the first fellow was only joking. This brave had four feathers in his head-dress. He replied, “Ugh, Me have four feathers because me sleep with four squaws”.

Still not convinced the number of feathers indicated the number of squaws involved, she decided to interview the Chief.

Now the Chief had a head-dress full of feathers, which, needless to say, amused Ms. Walters. She asked the Chief, “Why do you have so many feathers in your head-dress?”

The Chief proudly pounded his chest & said, “Me Chief, me screw-em all, Big, Small, Fat, Tall, me screw-em all”. Horrified, Ms. Walters stated, “You ought to be hung”. The Chief replied, “You damned right, me hung….Big like buffalo, long like snake.”

Ms. Walters cried, “You don’t have to be so damned hostile.” The Chief replied, “Hoss-style, Dog-style, Wolf-style, any style….me screw-em all.”

Tears in her eyes, Ms. Walters cried, “Oh Dear!” The Chief said, “No deer….butthole too high & suckers run too fast…. No screw-em deer”.

[smr]

New Sex Study...



It has been determined, the most used
sexual position for married couples is
a doggie position.

The husband sits up and begs.

The wife rolls over and plays dead.

[smr]

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold
blustery day. The daughter said to her mother, 'My hands are freezing cold'

The mother replied, 'Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm
them up.' The daughter did, and her hands warmed up.

The next day, the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said, 'My hands
are freezing cold.' The girl replied, 'Put them between my legs. The warmth
of my body will warm them up.' He did and warmed his hands.

The following day, the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter.
He said, 'My nose is cold.'

The girl replied, 'Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm
it up'. He did and warmed his nose.

The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the e daughter, and he said,
'My penis is frozen solid.'

The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother
again, and she says to her mother, 'Have you ever heard of a penis?'

Slightly concerned the mother said,' Why, yes...?! Why do you ask?'

The daughter replies: 'They make a mess when they defrost, don't they?!

[cbrooks118]

why cant you hear rabbits having sex?































Cotton balls

[NPelletier]

I sleep like a Democrat, i lie on one side, and then i lie on the other


What do you call two mexicans playing basketball?





Juan on Juan

[BlaineKaiser450]

Why did Michael Jackson go to the store?




































He heard little boys pants were half off

[nickmelll]

bump
:chinese:

[ATV Chic]

Originally posted by 54warrior
Hey!!! Did everyone forget about this thread????



Actually, i have a new job and haven't been on in here in WAY TOO LOOOOONG! Soooo, Howdy! I'm ready to ride again this winter crap sux!!! Any who.... the reason we're here.....

Redneck Tank Top lol
http://i131.photobucket.com/albums/p313/sexyatvchic/tank.jpg

[wtz400]

so there is a penguin driving his car and he hears a noise coming from the engine so he brings it to the mechanic and the mechanic says "it will be awhile why dont you go across the street and have some ice cream or whatever it is that penguins eat." so the penguin leaves and comes back about and hour later and the mechanic says "it looks like you blew a seal." and the penguin says "what? no this is just ice cream."

[Hondamaster5505]

Ok. So this little black kid is going through his mothers make-up. He opens one jar and white powder went all over him.

So he walked down the hall to his mother to see if she can get it off. The mother takes one look at him, sees the white powder all over him, slaps him, and says, "What's wrong wit you boy! Black is beautiful, black is great! Go see your father right now!"

So, the little boy started down the stairs sadly and walked towards his father. Before he says a word his father slaps him upside the face and says, "Black is beautiful, black is great! What do you have to say for yourself boy!"

The kid replies: "well dad, i've only been white for 10 minutes and I already hate you nig----!"

:eek: lmao. No offense to African Americans

[Hondamaster5505]

A military officer, musician, and fisherman are on a plane.

The plane starts to go down, so the pilot yells, "Hurry the plane is falling, throw your things out the window! So the musician throws his trumbone, the fisherman throws his fishing rod, and the miltary officer threw his grenades.

Down on the ground, a little girl was crying. A guy walks up to her and says, "Little girl, little girl, whats wrong?" The girl replies, "A trumbone hit my dads head and knocked him out!"

He walks to another little girl whos crying and says, "Little girl, little girl, why are you crying?" She replied, "A fishing pole went through my daddies head, hes in the hospital!"

Finally, he walks to another little girl whos laughing and says, "Little girl, little girl, whats's so funny?" She replies, "My daddy farted and a building blew up!"

[chevy]

a little boys walks out to the garage to ask his father a question... the little boy asks his father whats the difference between theory and realality. The father says go inside and ask your mother if she would sleep with a complete stranger for a million dollars. so the boy does as hes told. he walks back out to the garage and tells his father that his mom said that yes she would sleep with a complete stranger for a million dollars. So the father says, "well then in theory i am a millionar, but in realality i am married to a wh0re.".

[54warrior]

A woman wants the inside of her house painted and she calls a contractor in to help her. They wander around the house, and she points out the colors she wants. She says, "Now, in the living room, I'd like to have neutral beige, very soft and warm."

The contractor nods, pull out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then he goes to the window, leans out and yells, "Green side up!" The woman is most perplexed but she lets it slide.

They wander into the next room. She says, "In the dining room I'd like a light white, not stark, but very bright and airy."

The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then he goes to the window, leans out, and yells, "Green side up!" The woman is even more perplexed but still lets it slide.

They wander further into the next room. She says, "In the bedroom I'd like blue. Restful, peaceful, cool blue."

The contractor nods, pulls ou t his pad of paper and writes on it. Then once more he goes to the window, leans out and yells, "Green side up!"
This is too much. The woman has to ask. So she says, "Every time I tell you a color, you write it down, but then you yell out the window, 'Green side up.' What on earth does that mean?"

The contractor shakes his head and says, "I have four Blondes laying sod across the street."



GOLF

On a golf tour in Newfoundland, Tiger Woods drives his new Ford Fusion into a gas station in a remote outport. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Newfoundland manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is 'How's she cuttin' bye' says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick hello and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground. 'What are dose?'asks the attendant. 'They're called tees' replies Tiger. 'Well, what god's earth are dey for?' inquires the attendant. 'They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving', says Tiger ..Fookin Jaysus', says the Newfoundlander, 'Ford tinks of everyting!


The Love Dress

A nosy Mother went to see her just married son. She rang the doorbell and went inside. She found her new Daughter in Law stretched out on the couch, And was shocked to find Naked! Just What Are You Doing? The Daughter in Law replied, "I'm Wearing My Love Dress! What dress,,,, You're naked! The Young wife replied I wear this dress everyday when my husband comes home, He see's me wearing this Love dress and makes love till he can no longer stand up! And he adores me for it! Well the Mother see's the idea and goes home. She showers and put on some romantic perfume , dims the lights, stretches out on the sofa and waits. The husband comes home, and asks, What are you doing? She replied, I'm wearing my Love Dress! He replied,,, NEEDS IRONING!!! BTW,,, Whats for dinner?


Have you ever wondered where and how yodeling began?

Many years ago a man was traveling through the mountains of Switzerland. Nightfall was rapidly approaching and he had nowhere to sleep. He went up to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night. The farmer told him that he could sleep in the barn.

As the story goes, the farmer's daughter asked her father, 'Who is that man going into the barn?'

'That fellow traveling through,' said the farmer. 'needs a place to stay for the night, so, I told him he could sleep in the barn.'

The daughter said, 'Perhaps he is hungry.' So she prepared him a plate of food for him and then took it out to the barn.

About an hour later, the daughter returned. Her clothing disheveled and straw in her hair. Straight up to bed she went.

The farmer's wife was very observant. She then suggested that perhaps the man was thirsty. So she fetched a bottle of wine, took it out to the barn! And she too did not return for an hour. Her clothing was askew, her blouse buttoned incorrectly. She also headed straight to bed.

The next morning at sunrise the man in the barn got up and continued on his journey, waving to the farmer as he left.

When the daughter awoke and learned that the visitor was gone, she broke into tears. 'How could he leave without even saying goodbye,' she cried. 'We made such passionate love last night!'

'What?' shouted the father as he angrily ran out of the house looking for the man, who by now was halfway up the mountain.
The farmer screamed up at him, 'I'm going to get you! You had sex with my daughter!'

The man looked back down from the mountainside, cupped his hand next to his mouth, and yelled out.....


'LAIDTHEOLADEETOO'


Home Depot

Charlie was fixing a door
and found that he needed a new hinge,
so he sent his wife Mary to Home Depot.
At Home Depot, Mary saw a beautiful
Bathroom faucet while she was waiting
for Walt, the manager,
to finish waiting on a customer.
When Walt was finished, Mary asked
'How much for that faucet?'
Walt replied,
'That's pewter and it costs $300.'
'My goodness that sure is a lot of money!'
Mary exclaimed.
Then she proceeded to describe
the hinge that Charlie had sent her to buy,
and Walt went to the back room to find it.

From the back room Walt yelled,
'Mary, you wanna screw for that hinge?'
"No, but I will for the faucet."


What causes arthritis????

A drunk man who smelled like gin sat down on a subway seat next to a priest.

The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half
empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.

He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked," Say, Father, what
causes arthritis?"

"My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much
alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and
lack of a bath."

"Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized "I'm
very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."


Hot date in Arkansas

A young Arkansas man goes to a drug store and says to the pharmacist: 'I got a hot date tonight, an' I need me some pertection. How much is a pack a' them rubbers gonna cost me?' The pharmacist responds: 'A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax.'

'TACKS!' the shocked redneck says. 'Gawd a' mighty, don't they stay on by themselves?'

[nickmelll]

On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear, " replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "And if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today

[8my_Cash]

No offense to women but i have to do



Have you ever wondered why women are always so damn cold??


This is because they are too far away from the stove.

[quadracer707]

Thought I would Fire this tread up after are much Hectic & Chaotic lives, we need more laughter.

What does Presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton & a father of 10 have in comman????????


They both dont know when to pull out:D :D

Ken

[reconmaster]

i'm not gonna complain about the parking

[reconmaster]

can't complain about the dances when i go to the bars:D

[yfzrider45]

Alright, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are trapped on an island with an unknown tribe. the tribe leader says the only way he'll let them go is if they can put fruit in there *****. so the redhead just disagree's totally so they put her to the side to be killed. the brunette comes back with grapes figured it would be an easy way out. the brunette is walking back with the grapes and she drops them in laughter, they take her and bring her near the redhead to be killed. the redhead whispers why did you drop the grapes and whats so funny? her responce is "i saw the blonde with a pinapple":p

Alright, here's a couple other i know

whats the diffrence between a box full of dead babies and a cadillac? i dont have a cadillac in my garage

whats worse than 1 dead babie stapled to 1 tree?
1 dead babie stapled to 5 tree's

why do blacks have only nightmares?
bcuz the only one with a dream got shot..(this ones only for good humor!!)

[416exfreak]

The ones about the babies are just plain out twisted man...

And the one about the fruit is just kinda...creepy.

At least the thread is staying alive...:macho

[bradley300]

Army General: Mr. President, we had 7 brazillian soldiers killed in the war today.

Pres. Bush: Oh..... well how many is a brazillion?



LMAO

[yfzrider45]

yeah those jokes are kinda sketchy....the're the only ones i actually remeber!! and there pretty brutal so thats y i prolly remember them lol

[Pipeless416]

9 Words Women Use
1.) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something,and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint.
Just say you're welcome.

8.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying *%$ # YOU!

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement,meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man
asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.

[trx310R#24]

Originally posted by Pipeless416
9 Words Women Use
1.) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something,and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint.
Just say you're welcome.

8.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying *%$ # YOU!

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement,meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man
asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.

lol you know how you get a girl to stop her **** put on your shoes an walk to the door with a pissed off look on your face she will be in front of that door before you can get one shoe on!

(this only works if your a real man an she dont have you by your you know whats):D