mach1stang
03-13-2007, 08:39 AM
my buddy sent me some jokes so i figured i would share
IDIOTS OF 2006
NUMBER ONE IDIOT of 2006:
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control
center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little
daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful
and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital.
She calmed down and at the end of the conversation, happened to mention that
she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.
Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
************************************************** ********** **********
NUMBER TWO IDIOT of 2006:
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a
life raft from one of the 747's. They were successful in getting it out of the
plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they
noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that
the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated
when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
************************************************** ********** ******************
NUMBER THREE IDIOT of 2006:
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch
and wrote, "this iz a stikkup. Put all yur muny in this bag." While standing
in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone
had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the
teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to
the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note
to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors,
that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not
accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit
slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go
back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK"
and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back
at Bank of America.
Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.
************************************************** ******
NUMBER FOUR IDIOT of 2006:
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured
his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail,
a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police
department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from
the police that contained another picture, this time, of handcuffs. He
immediately mailed in his $40.
Smartbutt. But you still get a sign.
************************************************** ********** *****
NUMBER FIVE IDIOT of 2006:
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the
cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber
saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told
the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said,
"Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk
still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him. At this point, the
robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The
clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put
the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The
cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber
that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
This guy definitely needs a sign.
************************************************** *********
IDIOT NUMBER SIX of 2006:
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled
first bandit shot him.
This guy doesn't even deserve a sign.
************************************************** ********** ************
IDIOT NUMBER SEVEN of 2006:
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze,
and run. So, he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the
window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems
the liquor store window was made of plexi-glass. The whole event was caught
on videotape. Yep, here's your sign
IDIOTS OF 2006
NUMBER ONE IDIOT of 2006:
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control
center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little
daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful
and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital.
She calmed down and at the end of the conversation, happened to mention that
she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.
Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
************************************************** ********** **********
NUMBER TWO IDIOT of 2006:
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a
life raft from one of the 747's. They were successful in getting it out of the
plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they
noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that
the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated
when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
************************************************** ********** ******************
NUMBER THREE IDIOT of 2006:
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch
and wrote, "this iz a stikkup. Put all yur muny in this bag." While standing
in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone
had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the
teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to
the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note
to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors,
that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not
accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit
slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go
back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK"
and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back
at Bank of America.
Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.
************************************************** ******
NUMBER FOUR IDIOT of 2006:
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured
his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail,
a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police
department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from
the police that contained another picture, this time, of handcuffs. He
immediately mailed in his $40.
Smartbutt. But you still get a sign.
************************************************** ********** *****
NUMBER FIVE IDIOT of 2006:
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the
cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber
saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told
the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said,
"Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk
still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him. At this point, the
robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The
clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put
the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The
cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber
that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
This guy definitely needs a sign.
************************************************** *********
IDIOT NUMBER SIX of 2006:
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled
first bandit shot him.
This guy doesn't even deserve a sign.
************************************************** ********** ************
IDIOT NUMBER SEVEN of 2006:
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze,
and run. So, he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the
window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems
the liquor store window was made of plexi-glass. The whole event was caught
on videotape. Yep, here's your sign