Joke

[Raptor68]

A cop sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing. He carefully approaches the car to get a closer look.

Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, knitting. Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's window.

The young man lowers his window. "Uh, yes, officer?"

The cop says: "What are you doing?"

The young man says: "Well, Officer, I'm reading a magazine."

Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the cop says:"And her, what is she doing?"

The young man shrugs: "Sir, I believe she's knitting a pullover sweater."

Now, the cop is totally confused. A young couple. Alone, in a car, at night in a Lover's lane....and nothing is happening!

The cop asks: "What's your age, young man?"

The young man says :"I'm 22, sir."

The cop asks: "And her...what's her age?"

The young man looks at his watch and replies: "She'll be 18 in 11 minutes."

[mach1stang]

thats pretty good

[m.h.s.c.#527]

thats funny

[Raptor68]

Another one...

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.

"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife," said one trooper.

"Tell me! Did you find her?" Wilkens shouted.

The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."

The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay."

"Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?"

The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five pound king crabs and 6 good-size Dungeness crabs clinging to her."

Stunned, ! Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?"

The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow."

[mitch91]

Originally posted by Raptor68
Another one...

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.

"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife," said one trooper.

"Tell me! Did you find her?" Wilkens shouted.

The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."


Haha thats a good one.

The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay."

"Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?"

The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five pound king crabs and 6 good-size Dungeness crabs clinging to her."

Stunned, ! Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?"

The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow."

[mach1stang]

thats not right man

[quadracer707]

This real nice older lady is greeting people at Wal Mart, when she sees this really mean lady with 2 children cursing & swearing at the kids from the time they get out of there car until sha greets the mother.
The nice lady says welcome to Wal Mart enjoy your shopping here, why what to lovely children you have. Are they twins??
The UGLY lady replys."What are you blind & stupid?? One is a boy 7 years old the other is a girl 9 years old.
The nice lady replies Iam neither blind nor stupid, I just didnt think you could get LAID twice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ATV Chic]

IF YOU ARE GOING TO LIVE OR VISIT IN THE SOUTH, YOU NEED TO KNOW
THESE RULES:

1. That farm boy you see at the gas station did MORE work before
breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

2. It's called a "gravel road". No matter how slow you drive, you're
going to get dust on your Navigator. Drive it or get out of the way.

3. The red dirt -- it's called clay… Red Clay. If you like the color,
don't wash your car for a couple weeks -- it'll be permanent.

4. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old.
Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a
flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little
13-inch trout you fish for -- bait.

6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards (ducks) are
making their final approach, we will shoot it (the pho ne). You might
want to be sure it's not up to your ear at the time.

8. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu… Order steak…
Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the
two pounds of ham and turkey.

9. Tea - yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass over ice and is
really, really sweet. You want it hot -- sit it in the sun. You want
it unsweetened -- add a LOT of water.

10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served
over ice.

11. So, you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed.
We have a quarter of a million-dollar combine (it's farm equipment)
that we only use two weeks a year.

12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop
when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

13. We eat dinner together with our families. We pray before we eat
(yeah, even breakfast). We go to church on Wednesdays and Sundays and
we go to high school football games on Friday nights. We still
address our seniors with "Yes, Sir" and "Yes, Ma'am," and we
sometimes still take Sunday drives around town to see friends and
neighbors.

14. We don't do "hurry up" well.

15. Greens - yeah, we have greens, but you don't putt on them. You
boil them with salty fatback, bacon or a ham hock.

16. Yeah, we eat catfish, bass, bream (pronounced brim) and carp. You
really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

17. They are pigs. That's what they smell like (money). Get it? Pig
farms=income=money? Get over it. Don't like the smell? Interstates 85
& 95 go two ways. Interstate 40 goes the other two. Pick one.

18. Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, pepper, Tabasco, and
Cheddar Cheese on them. If you want to put milk and sugar on them,
you want Cream of Wheat -- Go to Kansas… That would be I-40 West.

19. The "Ope ner" refers to the first day of deer season or dove
season. Both are holidays. You can get pancakes, cane syrup, and
sausage before daylight at the church on either day.

20. So every person in every pickup waves? Yeah, it's called being
friendly.
Understand the concept? If not, the Interstates go North, East & West.

21. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It
spooks the fish and bothers the gators...and if you hit it in the
rough, we have these things called diamondbacks, and they're not
baseball players.

22. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving
like an idiot...his name is "Sir," no matter how young he is.

23. We have lots of pine trees. They have sap. It drips from them.
You park your Navigator under them, and they'll leave a logo on your
hood.

24. You burn an American flag in our state, you get beat up. No
questions. The liberal contingent of our state legislature -- all
four of them -- enacted a measure to stop this. There is now a $2.50
fine for beating up the flag burner.

25. A Special Bumper Sticker from Dr Bubba - "Frankly My Dear – We
don't give a Damn how you all did it up North."

26. And no, down here we don't have an accent… You Do!!!

[mach1stang]

ok lets try this again my buddy just sent me this

Biker Bar

A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it's only fair, since you are blind , that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. Blonde with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No .. not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

[ATV Chic]

^^^^^Good one lol :p

[mach1stang]

thanx

[OutCast]

Yup good one mach1stang! :)

[mach1stang]

well since the first one was a bust i figured i must redeem myself