Hahha

[c450Razy]

Taking a Tinkle
> >>
> >>A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a
> >>masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the
> >>stomach. Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the
> >>bullets in because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two
> >>healthy daughters and a healthy son.
> >>
> >>All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room
> >>in tears.
> >>
> >>"What's wrong?" asked the mother. "I was taking a tinkle and this
> >>bullet came out," replied the daughter.
> >>
> >>The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years
> >>ago.
> >>
> >>About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears.
> >>"Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out."
> >>
> >>Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16
> >>years ago.
> >>
> >>A week later her son walked into the room in tears. "It's okay" said
> >>the Mom, "I know what happened You were taking a tinkle and a bullet
> >>came out."
> >>
> >>"No," said the boy, "I was playing with myself and I shot the dog

sorry its long but it's halarious!!

[mach1stang]

i have heard that before it is pretty funny

good one...here's another good one, i think...

a nurse was washing a woman's, who was in a coma, genitals...she noticed that when she did this that the woman's heart rate went up on the monitor....the nurse got an idea, and told the doctor....well they called the woman's husband and said "mr. so and so we have an idea that might bring your wife out of the coma. would you like to come in and give it a try"...he said "i'll be right there"...so he goes in to the hospital...they say "we think that if you have oral sex with your wife this may bring her out of her coma"...he says "i'm up for anything doc"...so they set up a room with a privacy divider in it, and tell him "we'll be right out here" he says "ok"...so the medical staff go on the other side of the divider to let the expirement get under way....well they hear a little noise then all of a sudden they hear the woman's pulse flatline...they run around the divider just in time to see the husband pulling his zipper up...when he says "i think i choked her!!" :D :D :D

[Pappy]

lol...those are pretty good...here is another



a man had made the decision to place his elderly father in a nursing home. the father was defiant and did not want to be put in a home. the son made the arrangements and helped get his dad settled in.

a few days passed when the man received a call from his father begging him to get him out of there. the man explained that it was the best place for him as they could care for him much better then at home with no one around to care for him.

a few more days pass and again, the father called the son. this time the father exclaimed he was so happy to be there and thanked his son over and over. the son asked why the change of heart, and the father explained....."they gave me a sponge bath and i got an erection! the staff took care of it and i never want to leave this place now, its the greatest!"

about a week passes and the phone rang once more. this time, the father was bellowing to get him out of there immediatley! the son was feeling confused and reminded him of the erection episode when the father interupted him....explaining that he had fallen and when he was bent over trying to right himself, the staff doinked him in the ***!:eek:

the son tried his best to remind his father of the erection happiness but his father wouldnt have it, he shouted to his son....

"I get an erection once a month if I am lucky, but I fall down 3 or 4 times a day"!!:eek:

ok ok i got another...

mickey and minni mouse are getting a divorce...so they go to court to divide up the assets...you know disneyland, disney world ect etc...the judge has an idea to try and keep everything private for the two at this delicate time, he comes up with, that if they are ok with it, that he will take them individually to his chambers and listen to each of their stories, and then make a decision based on what they have told him......they both agree....so the judge takes minni, and then mickey and listen's to what they have to say....he then deliberates for a little while and comes out...he says "i rule in minni's favor and have to give her the majority of the assets" mickey is infuriated....and the judge apologizes, and says "mickey i'm sorry but i don't believe your story that minni is crazty"...mickey looks at him and screams "i didn't say she was crazy..i said she was f@cking goofy!!"...:D

sorry mods about the language, but no other punchline would work as good...:cool:

[Hondaracing819]

I checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely so I thought I'd get me one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you're calling for a cab.

I grabbed a card on my way in. It was an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo. She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair, and long graceful legs all the way up to her rear end . You know the kind. So I'm in my room and figure, what the hell, I'll give her a call.

"Hello?" the woman says. God, she sounded sexy.

"Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. I'm talking kinky the whole night long. You name it, we'll do it. Bring implements, toys, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night; Tie me up, wear a strap on, cover me in chocolate syrup and whip cream, anything you want baby. Now, how does that sound?"

She says, "That sounds fantastic, but for an outside line you need to press 9."

[Ruby Soho]

:D those are all good! haha

[CRich[814]]

i liked Hondaracing819's the best. all are funny though.

[quadracer707]

A Mexican drinks his beer & throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol & shoots the glas to pieces. He says in Mexico our glasses are so cheap, we dont need to drink in the same glass twice.

An Iraqi, obviously impressed by this drinks his beer, pulls out his AK47 & & shoots the glass to pieces, & says In Iraq, we have so much sand to make glasses, we do not need to drink out of the same glass twice either.

A pennsylvania girl, cool as a cucumber picks up her beer & drinks it throws her glass into the air, pulls out her gun & shoots the Mexican & Iraqi, & catches her glass.








She says in AMERICA, we have so many illegal Mexicans & Iraqi,s that we dont have to drink with the same ones twice.

GOD BLESS AMERICA

Wades DAD

[CRich[814]]

lmao.

[m.h.s.c.#527]

thats a funny one i hate illegalls

[coolex]

Originally posted by m.h.s.c.#527
thats a funny one i hate illegalls \


me 2 , keep the jokes commign there great

[700bRad]

Originally posted by quadracer707
A Mexican drinks his beer & throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol & shoots the glas to pieces. He says in Mexico our glasses are so cheap, we dont need to drink in the same glass twice.

An Iraqi, obviously impressed by this drinks his beer, pulls out his AK47 & & shoots the glass to pieces, & says In Iraq, we have so much sand to make glasses, we do not need to drink out of the same glass twice either.

A pennsylvania girl, cool as a cucumber picks up her beer & drinks it throws her glass into the air, pulls out her gun & shoots the Mexican & Iraqi, & catches her glass.









She says in AMERICA, we have so many illegal Mexicans & Iraqi,s that we dont have to drink with the same ones twice.

GOD BLESS AMERICA

Wades DAD

Wow that deserves a roffle mayo!

[sly400ex]

A masked bandit busts into a sperm bank, he picks out one woman working there as his victim. She pleads to him "sir this is a sperm bank, we don't have any money or anything like that here" The bandit states he doesn't want any money, he wants the woman to get a cup of the donated sperm out and drink it. Fearing for her life, she follows the orders of the bandit and drinks the sperm. After she did the demanded deed, the bandit takes off his mask. It's the woman's husband.

The bandit/man then says to his wife

"See honey, now was it really that bad"

:devil:

[sly400ex]

Erase this one if you guys think it's too racist...


Why are black people afraid of nightmares?






















Cause the last one that had a dream was shot!