Lost my ride...... Lost myself

[Ryan]

Its been a long time since I've posted on this website.

Last year in September, I traveled upstate to ride and see a car show in Lake George, NY. Little did I know, that weekend would be the beginning of a new hell for me.

I road my ATV on a few dirt roads, (Not knowing the area) And drifted sideways toward an oncomming collision with a car. I hit hard, landed on the windsheild and flew over the car. I tore all the muscles and slipped 2 disks in my lower back. Both ATV and Car were totalled.

For awhile I figured riding was over for me. My back was to weak and kept reslipping disks doing effortless work. I spent about 2 months not leaving the house, depressed and living off of Pain Killers.

After the 4th month, the doctors would not prescribe painkillers to me. I was so addicted to them I didn't know how to go about regular living without them. I went into a deep depression and turned to heavier drugs. Before I know it, I was blowing coke, smoking pcp, and takin tabs of acid on a regular basis.

I've also been taking anti-depressants for over 8 years for (Borderline Personality Disorder).

I soon quit smokin dust and takin acid because it toke a severe toll on my mentality and brain. My body needed a long break.

I couldn't quit the cokecaine at first, the addiction was to strong for me. My anger and depression got worst severely. By this time, I got into 2 fights with my best friends, and toke my car and crashed into their cars purposely and stabbed the one kid in the chest.

At this point, I was lucky no one was seriously hurt and no authorities were called.

I ended up loosing my job 2 days after this happened. Had no money in the bank, I spent everything on drugs. I was dirt broke and had no choice but to quit this terrible addiction.

I began drinkin to ease the pain, and never thought twice about the consequences driving under the infulence. Within a couple days later, I got a DWI. So I went to a local Institution to help my mental problems as well as my drug problems..

The facility stopped the medication I was on, and put me on 3 or 4 different kinds of meds. By the time I left, the first thing I did was have a drink and smoke a joint. The new anti-depressant (Welbutran) they prescribed me made my anger and depression so bad, I was staring death in the face everyday. I started cutting my arms up daily, and ended up in the emergency room when I put a cut on my upper forarm that cut right threw the muscle in my arm. I needed stitches right away. I got back home, and continued my habits. I decided I wanted to leave this world so I got in my unregistered car (no liscenes) and ran my car off the road into a tree while I was intoxicated. I got a second dwi in about a months time and ended up in jail.

I finally got bail after pleading with my parents, promising them I will go right into a in-paitent facility when I got out, which I did. I stayed for awhile as they watched my medication changes to see any different results. The new anti-depressant (Cymbolta) made me worse than the last medication. By the time I got out, I was more depressed then when I walked in there. I soon tried overdosing on ambien. I ended up back in a hospital and was put in another in-paitent hospital without my say.

I recently stopped all medications and drugs. I began to relize, since I stopped riding, my life went down the tube. I used to be so happy just to be out there riding hard, and tearing up the track.

Over the year, I slowly rebuilt my back (as far as muscle) and jumped on my buddies cr125. I havn't had as much fun all year as I did the 5 minutes on that bike.

I decided to pick up a new yz125 next week and get back into what I love doing.

My 2 dwi's are still pending and Im still looking at up to a year in jail and being sentenced with 5 years probation. Liscens will be gone for a few years. If im charged with anything during my sentencing, I get 2- 5 years in prision.

This last trail i've been on this year has brought me to the lowest point i've ever been in my life. And I hope non of you have to follow any similar problems. I want to get my life back on track and do the one thing I enjoy doing over everything....RIDING

[Pappy]

Good to hear you realize the other life wasnt worth jack spit.

Tighten up and enjoy life, the past can be the past, you just gotta live for a brighter tomorrow;)

[Nick110]

Wow man it takes a lot to open up to people you dont know, for the most part. It seems like your headed in the right direction and got back to doing something that you love to do. Stay strong man and stay away from the drugs, but you probably already know that.

I respect you and hope that you stay clean and keep on riding.

Good luck with your court cases and anything else.

[Mxjunkie]

Damn I was wondering where you went, I'm glad to hear your life is taking the turn for the better.. keep clean man it's the best way to live life belive me! :)

[Ryan]

Heres some pictures of the atv/car accident I had last year.

[Ryan]

Thanks everyone for the input. It only makes it easier for me to change things around..




Heres a nice windsheild shot.

[MXRACER86]

I have no respect for people who use drugs...and pretty much drinking too. But I have even more respect for someone who can kick the habit and turn there life around! Proud of ya!

[Ryan]

Helmets really do work :cool: ... So do airbags :o :D

Heres where my head hit..

[Ryan]

Originally posted by MXRACER86
I have no respect for people who use drugs...and pretty much drinking too. But I have even more respect for someone who can kick the habit and turn there life around! Proud of ya!

I had the same perspective before I did drugs. I hated it and hated anyone who did them. I met alot of good people throughout rehabs and earned alot of respect for them. They are just normal people who ran into some problems.

When I tried cokecaine for the first time, I just wanted an opinion on it. For the first 2 weeks, I was able to only do a little bit of the stuff and stop, thinking I couldn't get addicted. It toke one day for that stuff to kick my *** where I had to do a line every ten minutes and couldn't stop untill I ran out of money. Its the strongest addiction i've ever felt.

When I lost that natural adrenaline rush from riding, I found it somewhere else, but there were prices to pay. And im not talkin about the rediculously high price that stuff goes for :p .

Whoa. holy ****. Good to here your getting back on track though.

[wilkin250r]

I respect your courage and strength to change your life, and I sincerely hope you stick with it.

Tell us, honestly, how have your actions affected others? Sure, we know your parents are "dissappointed", but tell us the real costs. How much money have you cost them? Did you steal to support your drug habits? What about costs to friends, and even strangers?

Often, one of the most difficult aspects isn't changing your habits, it's about ACCOUNTABILITY for the choices you have made.

[Ryan]

Originally posted by wilkin250r
I respect your courage and strength to change your life, and I sincerely hope you stick with it.

Tell us, honestly, how have your actions affected others? Sure, we know your parents are "dissappointed", but tell us the real costs. How much money have you cost them? Did you steal to support your drug habits? What about costs to friends, and even strangers?

Often, one of the most difficult aspects isn't changing your habits, it's about ACCOUNTABILITY for the choices you have made.

Its really terrible to actually see now how bad I affected others. Im out of work and can't get much of a job because the court mandates me to rehab programs, which is really useless for me. They have no affect on me quiting anything.

I've cost my parents thousands of dollars, just in courts alone. I've stolen money from them to get drugs, and lost a close relationship with my mom. Everyone stopped trusting me. And till this day, no one trusts me, not with their keys in my hands, or there purses/wallets lying around. I've made a drastic change in the last month getting off of medications. I don't even get depressed anymore which made it 100% easier to quit my existing habits. Now im usually the one telling people don't drink to much or not to drive drunk. Just yesterday, I explained that to my friend as he was drinkin straight vodka. By the end of the night, I had to leave because he was loosing controll of himself. His mother called the police on him because of his actions. I was lucky to leave right before the cops came. Warwick cops do not like me at all...

I've also lost 2 hot dates due to these problems. Showing up on the first date drunk, doing donuts with the car in my backyard afterwords..... It was my own damn fault but was kinda funny to look back at it.

Its really amazing how much drugs can change your life and change others around you.

[flattrack440ex]

dude great job on your change and keep with it. now that you re found yourself in something that you love to do keep at that aswell and it will help you keep your life on track

[400exrider99]

congrats about turning your life around

[2004exrider]

Stay strong man and keep that positive attitude. Best of luck to you, as long as you remeber how bad it made your life and the others around you, it will make turning your life around that much easier.:)

Jimmy

im glad you pulled through, and i realize what drugs can do to you(not first hand, but through friends) and it really messes up your mind. im glad you're better now

good luck in the future, ride hard!

Mike

[kwatts400]

Hey Ryan, good to hear your doing better, I don't post on here too much anymore either (getting back into it though). But I can feel your pain. I got engaged to my ex last December and we built a house that we settled on in Feb., we decided on that in June before that. In April she gave me back the ring and told me that it wasn't what she wanted. I later found out that she was planning to get married to somebody else while we were still engaged. She got married to him over Thanksgiving weekend. Last summer I was hitting the bottle pretty hard and it was affecting my life all around pretty hard. I'm doing my best to keep it to a minimum, but it is still tough. Keep me informed how you are doing, it will probably help me alot as well.

[Doober]

dang dude, im glad you turned your life around...glad your riding again and learning from your mistakes

[sly400ex]

Keep your head up man, sounds like you are deffinately heading into the right direction.

It takes a very strong person to come back from where you were at.

[Ghost-Rider]

Dont Do Drugs Mmmmmmkay

cool that you stoped and stuff it messes people up bad


am i the only 1 that swears they have seen them wreck pics before?

[Ryan]

Originally posted by kwatts400
Hey Ryan, good to hear your doing better, I don't post on here too much anymore either (getting back into it though). But I can feel your pain. I got engaged to my ex last December and we built a house that we settled on in Feb., we decided on that in June before that. In April she gave me back the ring and told me that it wasn't what she wanted. I later found out that she was planning to get married to somebody else while we were still engaged. She got married to him over Thanksgiving weekend. Last summer I was hitting the bottle pretty hard and it was affecting my life all around pretty hard. I'm doing my best to keep it to a minimum, but it is still tough. Keep me informed how you are doing, it will probably help me alot as well.

Thats real ruff. Changes your hole future around. I try to stay out of relationships because of the fact of being let down. Everytime I was let down, I seemed to dig myself into a deeper hole from society.

Ghost rider, those pictures were posted about a year ago right after the accident.

[700bRad]

Ryan you sound like such an intelligent person even though all the stupid things that you did, but dont let that get you down again, everyone makes mistakes man and everyone does stupid things. I am very happy that things are looking up for ya. People care for you dude, and that alone is not worth throwing away. I was in alcohal rehab for a couple months and and met alot of awsome people with the same problems that you went through. Like you said there all good people that got thrown off track by drugs and alcohal. You sound like a strong person that has had there share of problems, your one stubborn son of a bit** (thats a good thing) that does not give up on life and I give you major props for that dude. Most people that have been through the stuff you have wouldnt be living right now. Keep moving forward, and im proud of ya!

[LTandRaptorider]

Dam, what a story! Glad to hear you are working on turning things around. Keep your focus on the future, and your goals. Remember, you don't have to like it, you just have to do it. ;)

Best of luck to you :cool:

[AtvMxRider]

Well chithead I am glad you are doing ok.:macho

[fasterblaster09]

Originally posted by Ghost-Rider
Dont Do Drugs Mmmmmmkay

cool that you stoped and stuff it messes people up bad


am i the only 1 that swears they have seen them wreck pics before?

no im thinkin hard on where i've seen them?? idk maybe deja-vu lol

[kwatts400]

Originally posted by Ryan
Thats real ruff. Changes your hole future around. I try to stay out of relationships because of the fact of being let down. Everytime I was let down, I seemed to dig myself into a deeper hole from society.

Ghost rider, those pictures were posted about a year ago right after the accident.

Keep your head up man. Thats what I'm trying to do!

[fastyz85]

i respect you coming out like that and everybody has their problems i have a close relative that is homeless and lives out of his truck even though he has a good paying job and could easily afford an apartment, ot to mention he's tinkered with different drugs before too and i guess its affecting him:ermm: . the only good thing is that its taught me that drugs really do screw up your life and life is too short to waste precious time on chit that will just screw up your life, so just gear up and ride because you got to live life to the fullest these days.thats my philosophy.

[1fst400]

hate to break it to ya but your not soposed to operate a moterized vechile with a suspended drivers licence.

[blasterfreak99]

Why is that? I think that is stupid just because you are suspended from driving your car shouldn't mean that you should be from riding. Although riding is a priveledge not a responsibility.

Great job on turning your life around. My uncle had the same problem but he is now off of them and going to aa & na meetings and he is going to church every sunday.

[orca0294]

Quite a sad story. Your quite lucky your still alive! Keep on the forward and upward path you are on and get your life back on track. Good luck!

[nightrider05]

Glad to see you have gotten ahold of life. Best thing you can do is just start a whole new life. The back will heal and strengthen and your bonds with family and friends will also come back, but you will have to earn their trust. Get out and ride, and let the past just be distant memories of how you dont want to live your life. Thank you for sharing, takes a strong person to throw their life out in front of others that they dont even know.

[Ryan]

Thanks for all the input. Its good to read it after having a chitty day. Had to meet with the probation officer today. She tells me not to get a job and stay in these out-patient program for a few years. I've never heard of such a thing. I need a source of income and benifits. Next year I have no insurances.




hate to break it to ya but your not soposed to operate a moterized vechile with a suspended drivers licence.


I don't know who you got that information from but as far as I know, its not true. And as long as im not tresspassing, or breaking any laws, I won't have to worry about being stopped by a cop.

[BLEEDRED]

hate to break it to ya but your not soposed to operate a moterized vechile with a suspended drivers licence.

This is fact in Michigan. Correct that you should not get stopped if you are riding responsibly and in designated areas with proper permits and riding gear. But the fact is that you are still breaking the law. So be aware of your surroundings, know you limits and be careful.

Continue to move forward and surround yourself with friends and family that will support you. Walk the higher road!!!

And remember, a journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. Good luck.

[Ryan]

I've been lookin all over the web and can't find any info about riding a off-road vehicle with a suspended liscenes in NY.

Anyone have any further information on this?

Im walkin a fine line and wouldn't wanna go back to jail over riding a damn bike.

[BLEEDRED]

In Michigan we have to have an ORV (off road vehicle) sticker posted on the bike to ride on state managed land and/or frozen waters of the state. If you read the law about operating an ORV you can not operate with a suspended license.

Private land is totally different.

Check the laws under supended licenses is NY. Seems like it would be similar state to state.

[BLEEDRED]

Ok, follow this link. You might be ok.

http://www.nydmv.state.ny.us/broch/c29.htm

Says you don't have to have a drivers license. Might want to call the DMV just to make sure.

[Ryan]

Thanks for the info.

How old are you,were you when all this happend?

See how helpless dope is compared to what these other drugs did to you?

Last week i got talked into snorting adderal xr. I did one then lator 2 then 3 and in the end i ended up taking 10 in a 3 hour perriod. That was on friday. I been up since then and havent eatin since. I cant function right so far cant even say sentance and i keep halusinating and now since that like im like never doin a nother drug again + i dont even know if im gona live or not from that.

And i think im lucky to be alive cause 10 20mg aderal xr X 10=200mg's but 1 adderal xr afects you like 2 20mg adderal. So i got about 400mg's of adderal in me and that sounds pritty deadly to me but when i did it i couldnt think of what was gona happen or what could.

[parkers30]

Originally posted by Dhumpalo
Last week i got talked into snorting adderal xr. I did one then lator 2 then 3 and in the end i ended up taking 10 in a 3 hour perriod. That was on friday. I been up since then and havent eatin since. I cant function right so far cant even say sentance and i keep halusinating and now since that like im like never doin a nother drug again + i dont even know if im gona live or not from that.

And i think im lucky to be alive cause 10 20mg aderal xr X 10=200mg's but 1 adderal xr afects you like 2 20mg adderal. So i got about 400mg's of adderal in me and that sounds pritty deadly to me but when i did it i couldnt think of what was gona happen or what could.

http://www.drkoop.com/druglibrary/93/adderal_xr-overdosage_contraindications.html

check out their systems of an overdosage, might give you an idea of what is going

Originally posted by parkers30
http://www.drkoop.com/druglibrary/93/adderal_xr-overdosage_contraindications.html

check out their systems of an overdosage, might give you an idea of what is going

Dood it was a overdose cause 1 pill snorted is basicaly a over dose and i did 10 and my perscription was to take 1 down the throat. We went through a full bottle.

[SRH]

im pretty sure ur fine, i mean 15 yr olds dont have licenses and ride quads and bikes, there is no realationship between the 2 as far as that, but stay off the road because youll be in prison if u get caught on the road with the bike keep it on the track

[SRH]

Originally posted by Dhumpalo
Dood it was a overdose cause 1 pill snorted is basicaly a over dose and i did 10 and my perscription was to take 1 down the throat. We went through a full bottle.

your just a dumbass, all people have breaking point which can sometimes put them in a rut like this ryan guy , but your just a dumb kid whos gonan **** himself up