fridays joke

[Alberta_Qaudin]

Little johnny went to his dad one day and asked if he could get a new Bike, his dad said, "I'm sorry johnny but our morgage is $80,000 and your mom just lost her job, we just cant afford it"
The next day little johnny's dad saw little johnny walking out the door wiht a suit case. he ran to the door and asked johnny where he was going. "well i heard you say to mom last night you were pulling out, and mom told you to wait because she was coming too, and there's no way i'm getting stuck with an $80,000 morgage"

[MR.BIG]

:huh :p Good one!

[Quad18star]

ROFLMAO !!!!!:cool:

[JRP]

Originally posted by Quad18star
ROFLMAO !!!!!:cool: :p

[procircuit406ex]

Haha thats pretty good.:p

[JJs450r]

haha good one made the day even better

[400exmatt]

lmao haha!

[250r4life]

nice :D

The little black jewish boy asks his mom if he is more jew or more nig3r , she says i do not know ask you dad when he comes home, so his dad comes home and he askes him, am i more jew or am i more n i g er, and his dad says i dont know, why son? He says well a boy down the road is sellin his bike for 18 dolars. i dont know if i should jew him down to 12.50 or just steal the sob.\\


just a joke so know one should be getting there panties in a bunch:ermm:

[CRich[814]]

hahahah those both ruled.

The inmate on death row was scheduled to be put to death by firing squad the follow morning. Throughout the day, the prison guards were being very nice to him. But when they asked him if he wanted something specific for his last meal, he said he didn''''t want anything special. When they asked if there was something special he wanted to do, he said nothing. It went on like this all day.

Finally, when he was put before the firing squad, the guard asked if he wanted a cigarette and a blindfold.

"No," the inmate said, "just get it over with."

"Well, is there anything that I can do for you before you go?" said the guard. "You didn''''t even want a special last meal!"

The inmate thought. "Actually," he said, "Music is my life. One thing I would really like would be to sing my favorite song, one whole time through, with no interruptions."

The guard nodded and told him to go ahead.

The inmate started, "One billion bottles of beer on the wall..."

:p

[Doober]

best three jokes ive heard is a long time:p 1st was the best tho

[Ruby Soho]

hahah good ones guys:D

[Alberta_Qaudin]

One cold day a woman and her teenage daughter were sitting on a porch, "my hands are freezing", the daughter says. the mother says, "put them between your legs and your body will warm them up".......................the next day the daughter is sitting in a park with her boyfriend when he mentions his hands are cold. "put them between my legs and my body will warm them up", she offers........."ya know" the BF says thinking quickly, my penis is frozen solid too" the next day the daughter asks if her mom if she has ever heard of a penis. "well ummm yes', the mom says, "i have, why do you ask"...."Wow" the daughter replys, 'they really make one hell of a mess when you warm them up dont they"

[Xater]

ok heres one: a blond girl walks in and says "can i get a cheesburger, small fries, and a coke." the person at the counter says "this is a library." the blond girl says "oh sorry" and wispers "can i get a cheesburger, small fries, and a coke."
lol just a corny blond joke :p

A man and his wife are walking through a markeyt in Suadi Arabia, when a man beckons them over to his stall. " Come in, I have many goods to show you" says the man. "no thank you, we will keep walking" says the husband. "oh I insist that you come into my stall, I have sandles that will make you super horny". " Well, ok, I guess I could take a look" says the man. Well, he gos inside and pops on one sandal. "i felt a tingle there"! "good now put on other sandle" says the merchant. As soon as he pops the other one on his "gear" springs up and he starts madly clawing at the merchants clothes. He bends him over and sticks Willy you know where. " Oh ****, Shoes on wrong foot!!!!" the merchant screams....:eek2: :blah:

[Chin_Chilla]

A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his grandmother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location.

Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half but accidentally sends the bottom half of the photo.

He's really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong half, but then remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is, and hopes she won't notice.

A few weeks later he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says:

Thank you for the picture. Change your hair style. It makes your nose look short.

Love,
Gramma

[Chin_Chilla]

Last one

An 80-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with
normal results. The doctor says, "George, everything looks great. How are
you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?"
George replies, "God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so
he's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the
bathroom, poof.... the light goes on. When I'm done, poof....the light
goes off."
"Wow, that's incredible," the doctor says.

A little later in the day, the doctor calls George's wife. "Ethel," he
says, "George is doing fine! But I had to call you because I'm in awe of
his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night
and poof.... the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done,
poof....the light goes off?"
"Oh my God!" Ethel exclaims. "He's peeing in the refrigerator again!"

[nickmelll]

The doc told him that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act. The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it,"He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe. Finally, he realized his solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate.

He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?" He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?" The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted." Came the reply, "Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."

[nickmelll]

A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital. The doctor looked her over and told them it would be a rather difficult delivery. He offered to let the couple try an experimental procedure. The woman would be connected to a machine that would transfer part of the pain to the father of the baby, thus reducing her own. The man quickly agreed. The doctor warned him, though, that there was a slight bug in the machine that caused it to amplify the pain sent to the father by ten times, and if the pain became too much for to bear would he please let the doctor know.

The doctor turned on the machine and watched the man. The man said he felt absolutely fine and he could take more. The doctor turned the dial up to 40, 60, 80, and finally 100% of the pain, times ten. The woman delivered the baby painlessly and the doctor stared at the man, astonished at how he could not even flinch with that much pain brought upon him.

The couple took the new baby home. There, on the front step, the mailman lay dead.

























There was a boy playing in the farm field when his mom called him in for breakfast. On his way in he kicked a cow, pig, and a chicken. So when he gets to the table he sees a dry bowl of cereal. "What's the deal?" he asks. His mom says " You kicked the cow so no milk for you, you kicked the pig so no bacon for you, and you kicked the chicken so no eggs for you." Then his father walks into the kitchen and accidentally kicked the cat. The the boy says "Do you want me to tell him or should you?"

[Ghost-Rider]

Good stuff, first 1 i really liked and the pregant lady and the boy kicking stuff lol