Funny Quotes

[250R-Dee]

This one is from watermelon smashing comedian Gallagher:

"I don't want to overthrow the government. I wanna fire 'em."

[Vindex Injuriae]

"Due to the recent budget cuts the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off."

[firefighterjosh]

My 3 Favs are in my Sig. They might not be funny but I like them

"Nothing is Illegal until you get caught"

"Remember, what dosen't KILL you makes you stronger"

"Don't trust something that bleeds for 7 Days and dosen't die!"

[PTMracing]

Jesus saves---John 3:16


....so does Smith & Wesson---Magnum 3:57

[Blue250X]

Originally posted by PTMracing
Jesus saves---John 3:16


....so does Smith & Wesson---Magnum 3:57

HAHA!!

[insaneracin2003]

Don't sweat the petty stuff,just pet the sweaty stuff :macho

[quadsquadron221]

when your racing your living, everything else is just waiting


rode hard and put away wet


the best beer is free beer


puke and rally


****er i did ( yell at a guy and girl walking down the street)


aaaaaaaaeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyy poooooon


jagermeister made me do it (when i got arrested)


dont piss into the wind



dont touch the dancers

[firefighterjosh]

"If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score?"
-vince lombaridi

Isn't funny but makes sence

[bigbadbrad]

"beer is proof that god wants us to be happy" ben franklin

[atvRiDa400ex]

..."If your not first, your second and second place is the First loser".

[TRX_450]

"it isnt when animals attack.....its more like when stupid people get bit"

[underpowered]

"everyone crashes, some get up, some don't, some can't"

"i want to leave this world the same way i came into it. Screaming and covered in blood."

"be good, if you can't at least be good at it"

"They're not that fast, you're just that slow"

"back up till it sounds expensive"

"If it's got wheels or a skirt you can't afford it.

"pain is only temporary, trophies last forever"

[popo]

No muff is too tuff

Your going to feel what I'm about to say.

my favs:

All I have in this world are my balls and my word and I don't breakem for no one, do you understand?


This town like a great big pu$zy, just waiting to get ****3d

[x-star]

If theres no grass on the field, turn her around and play in the mud.

[atvRiDa400ex]

good quote....



"Bravery is the capacity to perform, even when scared half to death."

[quadsquadron221]

"im a virgin i have been my whole life"
"bag of sand, come on you can do better than that"

From the 40yr old virgin. That movie is great.

[DJJ450r]

"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I'll never be as good a a wall. I played a wall once. They're relentless."

"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later."

"An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an Escalator temporarily out of order sign, just Escaloator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience."

-Mitch Hedberg:D

[quadsquadron221]

dont trust anything that bleeds for more than 3 days and doesnt die.

[Doober]

I wish my grass was emo, so it would cut itself.

[quadsquadron221]

“Vegetarians are cool. All I eat are vegetarians - except for the occasional mountain lion steak.” Uncle Ted


"If I'm a child, then that makes you a petafile, and Ill be dammed if I stand here and get lectured by a pervert."

[Premis]

"Trespassers will be shot, survivors will be shot again"

[fatkid400]

man who stands on toilet is high on pot

[trick250r]

man who runs behind car get exhausted


man who stand in front of car get tired


man who have hand in pocket feel cocky all day

[Scro]

Confucious say,"Man who go to bed with itchy butt, wake up with stinky finger"

[coolex]

"its not what you know, its who you know"

[fatkid400]

Originally posted by bama450r
Confucious say,"Man who go to bed with itchy butt, wake up with stinky finger"

OMG!!! That is just wrong on ssssoooooo many levels.Funny as **** tho.

[Mx_523]

Originally posted by quadsquadron221
"If I'm a child, then that makes you a petafile, and Ill be dammed if I stand here and get lectured by a pervert."

Lmfao.
Makes a nice comeback.

ZeroLogic13: your a little child
Fuzzytoaster**: your a little child!
ZeroLogic13: If I'm a little child, then that makes you a petafile, and Ill be dammed if I stand here and get lectured by a pervert
ZeroLogic13: you fell right into that one
Fuzzytoaster**: lmfao!

[sakirocket28]

Man's wife his better half, his mistress his better whole.

Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.

Man who lay woman on ground gets piece on earth.

Man who take sleeping pill and laxative on the same night will wake up in deep $***

Man who scratches *** should not bite fingernails.

It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it.

[firefighterjosh]

Originally posted by quadsquadron221
dont trust anything that bleeds for more than 3 days and doesnt die.

Its 7 Days

[Sjorge450R]

"Dude dont laugh, I think I broke something"

[RaptorRacer45]

If its got Tits or Tires its gonna give ya Trouble

If ya Cant Race it or Take it 2 Bed it aint worth Havin

i know a few:D

[RedRider4]

save a tree,....... wipe your ***** with a owl!

[cletusEX]

From the late great Dale Earnhardt "you win some, lose some, and wreck come" so true.

[TheFontMaster]

Some quotes that I have in my AIM profile, most of them are just random stuff that me or one of my friends have said.


"never say never cause u never know how drunk u might get one night"

"There is a whole cooler full of optomism in the cabin"

"According to the 2004 Census report, Idaho's population is 1,393,262. Just for comparison, there are 1,970,000 cows in Idaho. New rule: if your state has more cows than people, you don't get to be a state anymore."

"dude, im the last person you want computer advise from when mine get so crappy i just buy a new one"

"damn fat *****es, they go around eating all the chicken"

""I would never eat a hot dog in one bite, if I ever saw someone eat a hot dog in one bite I would slap them because it's like eating a big cock" Joe Herkel

"i was drunk and she was desperate it was a perfect match"

"I hate fat chicks that are hot"

"dont question my stupidity i will just proove myself wrong"

[roundsy]

"take er easy, if she's easy, take er twice...if she's still easy, call me"

[quadsquadron221]

she said to give her all ten inches and make it hurt so i ****ed her twice and hit her with a brick

[quadsquadron221]

"ive boned a lot of fat chicks but as far as i know ive never fornicated with anybody"

[fatkid400]

woman who sits on pot to long gets ring around the rosie

[juanki]

in mexico, we have sayings, that are a popular culture and used to make a funny, double scence, description or affirmation of something that happens. like this:

"an old monkey doesnt learn new tricks "

"more knows the devil, cause his old, rahter than hes the devil "

" to a good understander, just some words "

" in a closed mouth, the flyies dont enter "

" to a stubbern (?) words, def ears "

" its better a bird in a hand, that hundres away "

" its better, late than never " ( i think you know this one )

" to the one that sticks to it, he reaches the goal "

" the brave last, until the cowrd gets tired "

:)

" its better " one runned" than " one died ""

" to the one who rises early, God helps "

" to who a good tree reaches, good shadowa getts "

" the one that spits to the sky, its return to ones face"

" at need of bread, tortilla"