Advice from you DADDYS!

[QuadJunkies]

Most of you know LILQJ on the site as my Daughter. She is now 12 and Im having some concerns and need some advice!!




Kelsey had a boy call her today for the 1st time and Dad was in shock:eek2: We later found out that its a boy she has a crush on and they are kinda like BF/GF whatever that is these days .. :ermm:
I was not prepared for this yet!! :(

Is this something kids are doing this early on nowadays??

Heck, I was still beating up the boyz at her age!! :p :o

We have come to an understanding whats acceptable(which is pretty much nothing at her age of course) and are allowing phone calls , am I over-reacting??


I just want her to have complete trust in me as a parent that she doesnt have to hide or sneak behind our backs and I want an open relationship or at least as much of one as she will give me and yet not be TOO much freedom at such a young and vulnerable age...
What ever happened to my little girl... :confused: :(

All I know is Im glad I only had one girl!! Or will it be worse with a boy?? :eek:

I just want to do the right thing

Your thoughts?

[Giz400ex]

Yes, its pretty normal at that age but there is a spot for concern and should pay attention to it. Things have really changed since I was that age and now kids that are 10-13 think there 25. I would dig for some info on the boy and react from there, good vibe (relax on it), bad vibe (get involved). I know that sounds kinda weird but it helps to know the other half. If you need to get involved try not to make it so obvious, your little girl might see that and get a little mad and that could make things ugly. As for the boys, ALOT EASIER!!!! Hope this helps a bit:D

[jcv400ex]

No, I wouldn't totally freak yet, or you will push her away and into "trying" things. Just express how she's too you for "boyfriend/girlfriend" stuff but there is nothing wrong with a friendship. Hanging out, movie, dances/skating, etc. But no kissing, no closed bedroom doors, and don't be hanging around him everyday and blowing off your friends. You can't be the total bad guy and you can't be not concerned. It's a fine line and teenies will push you to test your paitence. Just make sure she knows the boundries up front, and you won't have any screaming matches and "I hate you/your ruining my life" episodes.

I am not looking forward to these years......little girl is going to be 4 in June.

[Pappy]

Ummm...QJ giving the "TALK":o


send me a copy of it please:devil:

[exboy]

My sister is 12 and is startin to have so called "boyfriends". If ur daughter is like my sis then theres nothin to worry about. my sister and her boyfriend would barely even talk to each other or sit together when they were with one another. i thought it was kinda funny. If she has a bigger brother than your golden cus he's not gonna let anything go down, and even though her dad would be the same way, the brother might would know a little more about the people she is seeing. if ur husband has any guns id have him take them out and be cleaning them when boys come over and tell old Marine stories.:devil:

[antman]

i am only 17 and i no i had a really close friend that was a girl from when i was like 9 till i was like 14. she was my first crush and what eva. and we are still friends now.... never the less if it was my kid there would be no way in he!! she was gonna be having a bf at 12 years old. a friend is one thing but a bf/gf relationship is a totaly diferent thing, even at that age. my little cousin is 12 and a half now and she has boys calling her all the time and it drives my uncle nuts. i dont really know what 12 year olds do if now but just from what i kno from when i was 12 it would not be a moment of hesitation when i said "absolutely Not!

~just my 2 cents~

[wilkin250r]

Honestly, QJ, think back to when you were a little girl. For you, it might have been 14 instead of 12 when these situations came up.

What would you have done if your parents said "NO"?

The worst thing you can do is forbid her. Because she'll just do it anyways, but now she won't tell you about it. Instead, let it proceed, but with ground rules. No phone calls after 10pm, no sitting in her room alone with the door closed, things like that. But give her a little freedom, let her go to the movies, let her hold hands with him, stuff that is fairly innocent.

You have to realize and accept that you cannot protect her from heartache. If she falls in "love", she'll get her heart broken, but that's just how life works. You can't shelter her from life.

Your goal is NOT to forbid her and protect her and shelter her. Your goal is to be involved with her so that she trusts you, and tells you everything, so that you can advise her on the proper choices. (note: is says advise her, not force her to make the proper choices) Forbidding the relationship and ruling with an iron fist will accomplish the exact opposite.

[300exOH]

I fully agree with wilkin. You have to give her a bit of freedom. My daughter is about the same age and it is tough to handle as a parent. You hate to see them grow up but at this age it's more or less just puppy love anyhow. Just set some ground rules and keep an eye on them when they are together and things should be fine.

Watch out. There was nothing we didn't do in 6th grade:ermm:

I'm not trying to scare you, but alot happened at 11 and 12 in my school.

[wilkin250r]

Originally posted by MXFourTwoEight
Watch out. There was nothing we didn't do in 6th grade:ermm:

I'm not trying to scare you, but alot happened at 11 and 12 in my school.

And this is exactly my point.

I guarentee you that each and every one of these kids knew what they were doing was "wrong", and their parents would disapprove. Each and every parent of these kids had already "forbidden" these actions.

But the kids did it anyways.

As a parent, your goal is to protect your kids,and educate your kids, and help them make good choices. Your goal is for your children to confide in you, and ask your advice, and trust in you so that they are more likely to follow that advice.

Forbidding your children doesn't accomplish any of this. The only thing it accomplishes is for them to NOT trust you, and NOT tell you, and NOT ask your advice.

[QuadJunkies]

Originally posted by wilkin250r
Honestly, QJ, think back to when you were a little girl. For you, it might have been 14 instead of 12 when these situations came up.

What would you have done if your parents said "NO"?

The worst thing you can do is forbid her. Because she'll just do it anyways, but now she won't tell you about it. Instead, let it proceed, but with ground rules. No phone calls after 10pm, no sitting in her room alone with the door closed, things like that. But give her a little freedom, let her go to the movies, let her hold hands with him, stuff that is fairly innocent.

You have to realize and accept that you cannot protect her from heartache. If she falls in "love", she'll get her heart broken, but that's just how life works. You can't shelter her from life.

Your goal is NOT to forbid her and protect her and shelter her. Your goal is to be involved with her so that she trusts you, and tells you everything, so that you can advise her on the proper choices. (note: is says advise her, not force her to make the proper choices) Forbidding the relationship and ruling with an iron fist will accomplish the exact opposite.

I never said I would FORBID, but kids at 12 years old still needs guidance and structure and Im not gonna agree or allow whatever she feels she may think she is ready for or .Im actually very open minded and if theres something she wants, Ill meet her 1/2 way on it and comprimise.Grades are ALOT. She loses privliges if they start to fall and there is interference then I get more structured. Same goes for racing. So far, it has worked ,her grades fell a little bit this last semester on one subject, Im blowing that off for now since they have remained good threw out the year.She does know whats acceptable and whats not with this new Boy, so Il play this one by ear.


On a side note... she told me they are both somewhat shy and quiet and thats what intereseted him in her, she races and he thought that was cool for a girl,she may be getting a ride himeself so that would be a good way to get to know this kid a bit and take him riding with us I guess.They have been freinds since 3rd grade,Actually shetold me ALOT about things last night. I like that about Kelsey and I -and with her Dad too.He has actually handled this well. Im at work at ngiht and Troy has had to deal with ALOT of things with the kids that most Moms do, I just think we are like most parents, we just want tor best for our kids and dont want them to grow up TOO FAST.

I rmember a fwe things when I was a kid, my 1st experience acutally with a boy was 9/10 yrs old!:eek: a boy kissed me that lived up the street(he was soooooo cute!) but it skerd the crap out of me ,not something I was prepared for and he was 2 years older than I. That same kid later that summer asked me to play "spin the bottle" with him.... LOL and the Answer is .. NO I DID NOT!

Thanks for the advice, I will take it all to heart ;)

[QuadJunkies]

Originally posted by MXFourTwoEight
Watch out. There was nothing we didn't do in 6th grade:ermm:

I'm not trying to scare you, but alot happened at 11 and 12 in my school.

Acutally, I do believe you on this!
Troy was listening to someting on the Radio the other days and it talked about that 70% of kids between the ages of 10-13 have um... Oral Sex(Im triyng to be selective what we get to talking about on the site :p ) I am not ignorant, but I was shocked to hear that high of a number!:eek:



MY Sister is an example of giving too much freedom.. I was the oppostite.

My parents were VERY VERY strict with me and they loosend the belt with my Sis cause they knew they was pretty harsh with me and she took total advantage of it and turned into a wild women.

I think the key is going to be finding a happy Balance.

[QuadJunkies]

Originally posted by Pappy
Ummm...QJ giving the "TALK":o


send me a copy of it please:devil:

LOL That talk was the hardest thing I think I have done as a parent so far.. :p

[Tommy 17]

chances are the boy is scared of her anyways haha... and i can gurantee hes more scared of u then he is of ur husband... if i were u i'd make them come to ur house for the 1st couple of times and joke around with the kid... a mom that will joke around with ya is the one that will end up killing u if u do something wrong... u could have that boy scared ****less haha

u'd be amazed at what some 6th graders do now... i know in my school the bathrooms and closests we're occupied alot by kids... if u know what i mean...


my one lil piece of advice from someone thats in college... if you shelter then to much now... the day they get on their own and "free" they will go wild... daddys lil sheltered girls are the most popular girls here to get an easy 1 nighter or they are life of the wet t-shirt contests...

[DESDAK4]

QJ, as you may remember I have 3 yes 3 daughter and my oldest also just turned 12. I am pretty hard on them about boys and what will/sillnot be going on.

However we have found out that you as a parent can rest much more at ease if they know they can talk to you about it. Heather and I have always told them if they just come talk to us things will always work out better for everyone. Making sure there is good communication between the parents and kids is the key I think. We keep them very involved with whatever is going on in the family, much the same way you guys do with the racing and all. I don't really want to say get them to be your "FRIEND" but there has to be a trust between you and them.

With all that said, if it makes any since, it is much harder for the DADDY to do this because it is just in our nature to make sure that our little girls don't get hurt and kill whoever did it:D :devil: .

Jay

[QuadJunkies]

thanks Tommy :)

[QuadJunkies]

Originally posted by DESDAK4
QJ, as you may remember I have 3 yes 3 daughter and my oldest also just turned 12. I am pretty hard on them about boys and what will/sillnot be going on.

However we have found out that you as a parent can rest much more at ease if they know they can talk to you about it. Heather and I have always told them if they just come talk to us things will always work out better for everyone. Making sure there is good communication between the parents and kids is the key I think. We keep them very involved with whatever is going on in the family, much the same way you guys do with the racing and all. I don't really want to say get them to be your "FRIEND" but there has to be a trust between you and them.

With all that said, if it makes any since, it is much harder for the DADDY to do this because it is just in our nature to make sure that our little girls don't get hurt and kill whoever did it:D :devil: .

Jay

HAHA! This boy did tell Sis that Troy sounded mean on the phone.. :p He made a comment aobut"why are you calling mt DAughter??!!" :eek: It turned out that he was just messing w/ the kid and he knows it, Kelsey told him about his Dads sense of humor(maybe a big of a smart** at times hehe) \
We do most everything as a family and I know where my kids are at all times, thats one good thing. Some kids she hangs with kinda where they want, when they want and all hours ...

Sound like I have been doing and thinking alot like you all have suggested. I would like to meet him though, I think I would feel more comfortable.

Maybe the next race Ill invite him out

right now I am acting like its no big deal and not pryingtoo much, just bringing him up in casual converstions.

[Pappy]

Cody said he would take her out:devil:

[trx400exxracer]

Originally posted by Pappy
Cody said he would take her out:devil:

perfect match:eek2:



hey QJ have you ever seen Uncle Buck

[Tommy 17]

Originally posted by trx400exxracer

hey QJ have you ever seen Uncle Buck


LMAO! that poor poor kid... that movie is great

[QuadJunkies]

Originally posted by Pappy
Cody said he would take her out:devil:

:eek: I think I would be OK with that, I know you and your kids have good morals
Those two might butt heads being competitive though! LOL!

No, I have Uncle Buck... Im out of the movie loop lately :p

[Pappy]

Originally posted by QuadJunkies
I know you and your kids have good morals




that right there is all you can do ....just do your best as a parent and it will all work out

[SGA]

I see nothing wrong with them talking on the phone. Im sure she will have several boyfriends over the next year or so. BF/GF relationships are short lived at that age.
If she really likes him and wants him to come over and watch a movie, sure why not? Of course it would be in the family tv room all out in the open. Give them some space to chat, dont hang over them like a mother hen, but do walk through occasionally.

[SGA]

Add on: And you dads that proclaim "My daughter will not see any boys" and so on, thats why you will never know whats really going on in her life, she wont talk to you.
Thats why moms know whats really going on, unless you're a single dad that has raised your daughter, then you will know what I mean.

They WILL grow up and start dating, you can choose to be part of it or not.

[Hon300ex]

Your daughter respects you so thats what you shoudl do to her. You can shelter here because one day you "think" she will do something you dont like. Give her the right amount of respect untill she does do somthing you dont like. my parents are very strict with me because they think i do bad things but i really dont.

[beerock]

i think the best advice is not to ask on here, especially if your daughter is surfing these forums because shes probably like ok great my mom is bugging out .

check out some books on these ages or ask a profesional

[trick450r]

Originally posted by QuadJunkies
LOL That talk was the hardest thing I think I have done as a parent so far.. :p

At 16 i have yet to recieve the talk, and i hope i never do...from what my friends say they talked with their parents about, i decided im adopting a kid that already had the talk!

[derekhonda]

my dads talk with me was funny


Dad: So Derek, you know about sex right.
Me: Yep
Dad: Ok good

[AtvMxRider]

Tina, Justin just turned 12 today and he has had a girlfriend for about 4 or 5 months. I asked him if he was knocking it and he got all embarressed :devil:

[SGA]

Originally posted by derekhonda
my dads talk with me was funny


Dad: So Derek, you know about sex right.
Me: Yep
Dad: Ok good

Yep, thats how guys do the talk with their sons and they leave the daughters talk to mom.

[Mean250r]

show the boy your gun collection (if you have one) usually scares em off lol

[wilkin250r]

Originally posted by AtvMxRider
Tina, Justin just turned 12 today and he has had a girlfriend for about 4 or 5 months. I asked him if he was knocking it and he got all embarressed :devil:

Classic.

I didn't have "the talk" until I was 17, and it came from my mother. It was initiated because my girlfriend at the time called her and told her we were having sex.

Why would she do that?

[AtvMxRider]

Originally posted by wilkin250r
Classic.




Hell if I was 12 I would be knocking it

[Tommy 17]

Originally posted by AtvMxRider
Hell if I was 12 I would be knocking it


so ur sayin u **** sheep????

[AtvMxRider]

Originally posted by Tommy 17
so ur sayin u **** sheep????


Shouldn't call your mom names Tommy:chinese: