scottwvu
01-16-2006, 04:42 PM
3 of my friends and I went 4-wheeler riding yesterday afternoon.
As we were riding through tight, technical trails we came upon a dead cow that had been dead for a while. It was big and bloated and DISGUSTING. Figuring some poor cow had gotten away from some farmer, we just continued on our merry way and promptly forgot about it.
About three hours later, just as darkness fell, we stopped to eat a snack and have a drink (of Sprite, I SWEAR), when we began to smell something horrible. Looking around, we spotted the dead cow. We quickly remembered having seen the cow before and prepared to move to a better location.
I was checking my front tire (for what I can't remember) and halfway hearing-halfway ignoring the conversation my buddies were having until I heard the words "I bet I can stick it in that dead cow".
I turned around to see just WHAT in the h.ell my buddies were arguing about when Chris (level headed) began to explain to Wally (braggart big-time) that #1. he didn't give a d.amn if Wally could throw a knife and stick it in the cow's belly or not, and 2, it was a disgusting and stupid idea to begin with.
Being a FIRM believer in instant kharma, I told Wally to go ahead and give it a try (having heard Wally brag a billion times about his knife-throwing prowess). After another argument about what to use (he didn't want to foul his knife-and who can blame him in retrospect? However we saw it as a sighn of him backing out of the deal....It would have been a h.ell of a throw...about 15 yards.)
After about 10 minutes of arguing, we agreed to let Wally use a stick instead. So my man picked up a stick and began to take careful aim....then he THREW it! Unfortunately it landed about 3 feet in front of the dead cow. (In his defense it DID stick in the ground). He was hopping mad. "Give me another chance", he begged. "Double or nothing".
We agreed to give Wally another chance. So he went running to pick up the stick, as he had sharpened it real carefully, and did not want to waste time sharpening another.
Replaying it in my mind, it is like in slow motion. I saw Wally running towards the stick, when suddenly he tripped on a pine root sticking out of the ground and fell TOWARDS the cow. His head hit the cow square in the center of it's bloated, rotten belly. All we heard was "THWOP" and wally's head dissappeared right INTO the center of the cow's belly, sinking him in up to his shoulders.
I turned to look at Chris and both of our mouths' were perfect O's. Wally pulled his head out of the cow and it made the SICKEST sound you could imagine, like pulling a riding boot out of the thickest mud. Poor Wally was screaming......and we were laughing.
I laughed until my stomach hurt, I laughed until I thought my back was broke, oh how I LAUGHED. (I am laughing as I type, hard to see for all the tears).
Poor Wally was UNSPEAKABLY nasty. He started puking. And then he puked again. And again. And then he would think about it some more, and then puke again. I bet you he puked 15 times on our way to a nearby stream, where poor old Wally just about jumped in head first. He washed his head thoroughly and STILL puked 12 times on the way home. His wife made him take a shower before she would let him in the car, and MY wife made us hose him down outside before she would let him in the house.
HHHHAAAAAAAHHHHHHHAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAHAHHAHHAH AHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!
If I live to be 500 years old, I will NEVER forget that!!!!!!!
As we were riding through tight, technical trails we came upon a dead cow that had been dead for a while. It was big and bloated and DISGUSTING. Figuring some poor cow had gotten away from some farmer, we just continued on our merry way and promptly forgot about it.
About three hours later, just as darkness fell, we stopped to eat a snack and have a drink (of Sprite, I SWEAR), when we began to smell something horrible. Looking around, we spotted the dead cow. We quickly remembered having seen the cow before and prepared to move to a better location.
I was checking my front tire (for what I can't remember) and halfway hearing-halfway ignoring the conversation my buddies were having until I heard the words "I bet I can stick it in that dead cow".
I turned around to see just WHAT in the h.ell my buddies were arguing about when Chris (level headed) began to explain to Wally (braggart big-time) that #1. he didn't give a d.amn if Wally could throw a knife and stick it in the cow's belly or not, and 2, it was a disgusting and stupid idea to begin with.
Being a FIRM believer in instant kharma, I told Wally to go ahead and give it a try (having heard Wally brag a billion times about his knife-throwing prowess). After another argument about what to use (he didn't want to foul his knife-and who can blame him in retrospect? However we saw it as a sighn of him backing out of the deal....It would have been a h.ell of a throw...about 15 yards.)
After about 10 minutes of arguing, we agreed to let Wally use a stick instead. So my man picked up a stick and began to take careful aim....then he THREW it! Unfortunately it landed about 3 feet in front of the dead cow. (In his defense it DID stick in the ground). He was hopping mad. "Give me another chance", he begged. "Double or nothing".
We agreed to give Wally another chance. So he went running to pick up the stick, as he had sharpened it real carefully, and did not want to waste time sharpening another.
Replaying it in my mind, it is like in slow motion. I saw Wally running towards the stick, when suddenly he tripped on a pine root sticking out of the ground and fell TOWARDS the cow. His head hit the cow square in the center of it's bloated, rotten belly. All we heard was "THWOP" and wally's head dissappeared right INTO the center of the cow's belly, sinking him in up to his shoulders.
I turned to look at Chris and both of our mouths' were perfect O's. Wally pulled his head out of the cow and it made the SICKEST sound you could imagine, like pulling a riding boot out of the thickest mud. Poor Wally was screaming......and we were laughing.
I laughed until my stomach hurt, I laughed until I thought my back was broke, oh how I LAUGHED. (I am laughing as I type, hard to see for all the tears).
Poor Wally was UNSPEAKABLY nasty. He started puking. And then he puked again. And again. And then he would think about it some more, and then puke again. I bet you he puked 15 times on our way to a nearby stream, where poor old Wally just about jumped in head first. He washed his head thoroughly and STILL puked 12 times on the way home. His wife made him take a shower before she would let him in the car, and MY wife made us hose him down outside before she would let him in the house.
HHHHAAAAAAAHHHHHHHAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAHAHHAHHAH AHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!
If I live to be 500 years old, I will NEVER forget that!!!!!!!