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Honda TRX250ex
10-20-2005, 07:46 PM
hey guys i had this essay for Socal Studys and it was about 9-11 could you tell me what you think of it and what grade you would give me if you were my teacher


September 11th 2001

In the US history there has been only a hand full attacks on the US soil. On December 7th

1941 the Japanese attacked Peal Harbor. That tragic event struck the nation and swung America

into a World War. On September 11th 2001Terrorist hijacked three commercial air line jets. Two

of the jets crashed into the World Trade Center. Each building getting struck by one jet. A few

intense moments later the first tower fell and covered the city with debris of the remains of the

world trade center. A few minutes later the second tower fell. All across the country was stuck

with mixed emotion looking for someone to blame. The terrorist attacked on the USA will

change the life of New Yorkers, Citizens of the United States and the World.


On September 11th at about 9:15 in the morning you may remember you starting your

normal day off to work or school. But a single tragic move in history will effect the people that

were in NYC for ever. People that were on the ground by the world trade center most likely

wetness the horrifying image of a jet headed to the other side of the US full with fuel struck one

of the towers. People scrabble in intense fear having no clue what just happen or if it happened

for real. A few minutes later another jet stuck the second tower. People stood down in emotional

brake downs. These next few moment will change people forever. Something that the designers

of the Trade Center would never think could happen, the towers fell covering the city in a blanket

of hazardous debris. People rushed to take cover in near by building and stores. That day changed

people that lived in the city forever. Gave them more respect for the fire fighters police and

everyday people.





Across the US everyone knew about the trade centers before the second plane crashed.

Everyone was struck in disbelief and friends or family of the victim that worked in the towers

kept saying to them self that this is not happing. It was looked like it was straight out of a

science fiction movie. No matter where you were what you were doing some how you found out.

These events changed the way everyone proceeds to normal life styles. It costed the country

billions and billions of dollars to repair the damage of what had happened. Security tighten in all

air ports. Police and military forces were brought to protect are boarders from another attack. The

coast guard kept watch 24/7 protecting citizens from another attack on America soil.


The world was struck with fear of this happing to their countries. Their security tighten

as well. But the most considerable after math was the “War on Terrorism”. The United States

entered Afghanistan on a pre-empt d attack to find the leading terrorists to the attack on the US.

Other countries entered Afghanistan to help us fight terrorism.


September 11th will be a date that will be always remember not only in this generations

but the ones after ours. There was billions and billions of dollar of damage done to the US that

tragic day but no matter how much money it cost it will never replace the citizens that died in the

World Trade Center. Although there is always replacements for the police and firefighters than

ran into that building while people were running out, there will be no one that will ever replace

there lives and heroic lives. There is few people that will run into a building to save other

people’s lives and that those fire fighters and police gave their lives for people that they never

knew. I know that those firefighters and police died as heros and no one can take that away from

them.




thanks guys!

Doober
10-20-2005, 08:15 PM
i thought it was a good essay

omaits
10-20-2005, 08:33 PM
I read the first paragraph. I listed some comments below. I think the essay is good. What I listed was grammar stuff. Anyways, good luck adn I hope the stuff below can help you on the rest of yoru essay.

1) hand full attacks
2) always punctuate dates like: September 11th, 2001 rather than September 11th 2001
3) World War shouldn't be capitalized unless you specify a particular world war. I would say it "forced America enter World War 2.
4) air line jets <-- we can assume the jets are from an airline. I would say soemthing like "passenger jets" or soemthign like that.
5) Capitalize World Trade Center
6) debris of the remains of the world trade center. <-- Instead of this, I would say: The remains of the fallen tower covered the city.
7) You started consecutive sentences with "A few minutes/moments later." Not good practice.
8) All across the country was stuck with mixed emotion looking for someone to blame. <-- I woudl change this to something like: As a whole, the country was stricken with fear and rage. These emotions lead many to believe it was necessary to place blame.
9) not a complete: Each building getting struck by one jet.

The grade I woudl give depends on yoru grade. As it stands, for a highschool student, around a C.

If anyone is looking for essays, I got a bunch of them from college I woudl be willing to let go for the right price!