nowukno
07-10-2005, 08:43 PM
One of my friends sent these jokes in an email , they are pretty funny......I just hope the mods don't pull them. BTW my 400th post!
*Q: What has one hundred balls and screws old ladies?
A: Bingo.
*Q: Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men?
A: He thought it was a delivery service.
*Bruce comes home one day and says to his lover, "Please do me a favor. It feels like something's stuck up my butt. Could you check it out for me?" His roommate lubes up his finger (mercifully) and shoves it up Bruce's butt, feeling all around, and says, "I don't feel anything."
Bruce says, "Trust me, there's something up there. Try lubing up your whole hand and checking it out." So his roommate lubes his whole hand and sticks it up Bruce's butt. He feels around, and then pulls out a Rolex watch.
He says, "I found your problem. There was a watch stuck up your Butt." Bruce starts singing, "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you..."
*Q: What is the first sign of AIDS?
A: A pounding sensation in the a*ss
*A rich white guy decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited a few of his buddies. He also invited Leroy, the only black guest at the party. He held the party in the backyard of his mansion. Everybody was having a good time drinking, dancing, talking to the ladies. At the height of the party, the rich white guy said," I have a man-eating alligator in my pool and I will give anyone a million dollars if he is man enough to jump in."
All of a sudden there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool! HE WAS FIGHTING THE ALLIGATOR AND KICKING IT'S A*SS. He was doing head butts, jabs, chokeholds, all kinds of stuff. Water was splashing, the alligator was screaming. Leroy finally strangled the alligator and it sunk to the bottom.
Leroy then slowly got out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him. The rich white guy said, " Damn......I guess I owe you a million dollars..." Leroy said," No, that's okay." The rich white guy said," Man, I have to give you something, you won the bet. How about half a million?" Leroy said no.
The rich white guy said" Come on, I insist on giving you something......how about stock options....a Rolex......maybe a Porsche......? Again, Leroy said "No". The confused rich white guy said, "Well Leroy, what do you want?"
Leroy said," I just want the MuthaFu**er who pushed me in the pool."
*Two men are having a beer, talking about various sex positions. The first man says that his favorite position is the "rodeo."
The other man asks what the position is and how to do it.
The first replies, "Well, get your wife on all fours and do it doggy style. Once things get underway and she's really enjoying it, lean forward and whisper in her ear, 'Your sister likes this position as well.' Then try and hang on for 8 seconds."
*Q: What's green, slimy and smells like Miss Piggy?
A: Kermit's Finger
*Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing. The other whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps out to the operator, "My friend is dead. What can I do?"
The operator, in a calm soothing voice, says "Just take it easy. First let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says "OK, now what?"
*Q: How do you paralyze a woman from the waist down?
A: Marry her.
*Q: What has one hundred balls and screws old ladies?
A: Bingo.
*Q: Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men?
A: He thought it was a delivery service.
*Bruce comes home one day and says to his lover, "Please do me a favor. It feels like something's stuck up my butt. Could you check it out for me?" His roommate lubes up his finger (mercifully) and shoves it up Bruce's butt, feeling all around, and says, "I don't feel anything."
Bruce says, "Trust me, there's something up there. Try lubing up your whole hand and checking it out." So his roommate lubes his whole hand and sticks it up Bruce's butt. He feels around, and then pulls out a Rolex watch.
He says, "I found your problem. There was a watch stuck up your Butt." Bruce starts singing, "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you..."
*Q: What is the first sign of AIDS?
A: A pounding sensation in the a*ss
*A rich white guy decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited a few of his buddies. He also invited Leroy, the only black guest at the party. He held the party in the backyard of his mansion. Everybody was having a good time drinking, dancing, talking to the ladies. At the height of the party, the rich white guy said," I have a man-eating alligator in my pool and I will give anyone a million dollars if he is man enough to jump in."
All of a sudden there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool! HE WAS FIGHTING THE ALLIGATOR AND KICKING IT'S A*SS. He was doing head butts, jabs, chokeholds, all kinds of stuff. Water was splashing, the alligator was screaming. Leroy finally strangled the alligator and it sunk to the bottom.
Leroy then slowly got out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him. The rich white guy said, " Damn......I guess I owe you a million dollars..." Leroy said," No, that's okay." The rich white guy said," Man, I have to give you something, you won the bet. How about half a million?" Leroy said no.
The rich white guy said" Come on, I insist on giving you something......how about stock options....a Rolex......maybe a Porsche......? Again, Leroy said "No". The confused rich white guy said, "Well Leroy, what do you want?"
Leroy said," I just want the MuthaFu**er who pushed me in the pool."
*Two men are having a beer, talking about various sex positions. The first man says that his favorite position is the "rodeo."
The other man asks what the position is and how to do it.
The first replies, "Well, get your wife on all fours and do it doggy style. Once things get underway and she's really enjoying it, lean forward and whisper in her ear, 'Your sister likes this position as well.' Then try and hang on for 8 seconds."
*Q: What's green, slimy and smells like Miss Piggy?
A: Kermit's Finger
*Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing. The other whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps out to the operator, "My friend is dead. What can I do?"
The operator, in a calm soothing voice, says "Just take it easy. First let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says "OK, now what?"
*Q: How do you paralyze a woman from the waist down?
A: Marry her.