Buying my ex a house (kind of...)

[alimdar2times]

My ex, who has my two kids, is currently living in one of my rental units in the 4 family that my father and I jointly own. I've been wanting to get her out of there so we can free up the unit for rent and I can take over the garage for this unit (place to store stuff - my Sea-Doo and my Dakota currently live there). I would also like my kids to grow up in an actual house, having a yard to play in and not have to worry about making noise (the other 3 units are occupied by two older couples and one single guy). It looks like I'll be closing on "her place" sometime in the next couple of weeks. She'll be helping with the mortgage and paying all the taxes and utilities on the place, I'll act as landlord, and just take care of upkeep. My best friend thinks I am a sucker for doing this. I just think it's probably the right thing to do. Anyhow, I just hope it all works out in the end.

[daiglea]

Originally posted by alimdar2times
My ex, who has my two kids, is currently living in one of my rental units in the 4 family that my father and I jointly own. I've been wanting to get her out of there so we can free up the unit for rent and I can take over the garage for this unit (place to store stuff - my Sea-Doo and my Dakota currently live there). I would also like my kids to grow up in an actual house, having a yard to play in and not have to worry about making noise (the other 3 units are occupied by two older couples and one single guy). It looks like I'll be closing on "her place" sometime in the next couple of weeks. She'll be helping with the mortgage and paying all the taxes and utilities on the place, I'll act as landlord, and just take care of upkeep. My best friend thinks I am a sucker for doing this. I just think it's probably the right thing to do. Anyhow, I just hope it all works out in the end.
I think your a man of honor. Your kids are #1 and you have to take care of them. I have a son and i know that if me and my wife split i'll make shure that boy is in a place were he is confertable even if that means i have to live in a shack for the rest of my life.

[Regular_Joe]

Your a stand up guy. But the truth is she now has the opportunity to screw you over big time. Not saying she will, but things can get ugly sometimes.

1) Get it in writing what she is to pay. Have defined consequences of what is to happen if she doesn't pay. Make her sign it.

2) Have the means to pay for her share for 6-12 months.

In case something does go wrong, at least your credit won't be ruined since you have a good 6-12 months to figure things out before the debt starts accumulating. Plus if she signs a paper, you have something to fall back on (like in court).

[knighttime]

what are you gonna do if she re-marries and has more kids?

it might be easier to just get back with her, (unless she is a real ******, lol)

[zedicus00]

yes yur a stand up guy, and it sounds like u still care... prepare to b hurt.

[alimdar2times]

Originally posted by Regular_Joe
Your a stand up guy. But the truth is she now has the opportunity to screw you over big time. Not saying she will, but things can get ugly sometimes.

1) Get it in writing what she is to pay. Have defined consequences of what is to happen if she doesn't pay. Make her sign it.

2) Have the means to pay for her share for 6-12 months.

In case something does go wrong, at least your credit won't be ruined since you have a good 6-12 months to figure things out before the debt starts accumulating. Plus if she signs a paper, you have something to fall back on (like in court).



True, very true. She will be signing a "standard lease agreement" as a renter on the place. I suppose it's probably not a bad idea to have her sign some paperwork for the taxes and such. As far as the utilities are concerned, they'll all be in her name, so I don't have to worry about that. I appreciate the kind words, I think it's a good idea, at least for now. Hopefully she can be trusted in this. As far as her meeting and remarrying, well, I suppose that's inevitable and I'll have to cross that painful bridge when I get to it.

[Regular_Joe]

I say be cautious and prepare for the worst because for me thats what always happens.

When me and the ex split up it wasn't like a big blow out. It was coming and it was just rather understood. We loved each other but it just wasn't meant to be. I was super nice and let her take anything she wanted when she left. Things were still cool even a month after she was gone. We were still friends and all.

Then I started seeing someone else. Once she found out it was all over. She showed up later that same day, demanded a few last things, and basically eliminated me from her life. No phone, blocked on IM, etc ... You never know how people are going to be ....

[MY450R]

haha dude your a real sap !!
im never getting married again instead ill find a chick i hate and just buy her a house

[alimdar2times]

Originally posted by MY450R
haha dude your a real sap !!



Yeah, I can see how wanting to provide the best for my kids makes me a sap....:rolleyes:
Thing is, I have the means to and I am in a position to do this. If I get screwed, well then I guess I have another piece of rental property. Not too bad of a spot to be in.

And Joe, thanks for the warnings. It was pretty much the same with us, it just isn't meant to be. She knows I am seeing someone else and has even met the girl (due to the fact that the new one is around my kids). So far so good. We'll just have to see how it plys out I guess.

[represent618]

Have a lawyer Note Some LEGAL AGREEMENT, dont get yourself in to something that it takes years to get out of.

Definitely have her sign for as much as possible, her word is nothing legally, she'll just deny it.

Its real honorable of you to be buying a house so your kids can grow up in one, and youll get money out of renting another unit too. Alot of guys would try to be vengefull and make her life sh*tty after divorce and end up screwing theyre kids in the process.

[citizennobody]

I have 4 kids and a tumultuous relationship at best. She swears I love the quads more than her and she is CORRECT. But if we ever did split I would do whatever it took to keep her happy and sane until my youngest was at least 18, because I dont want a crazy beeyatch caring for my kids. After they are on their own...then its a whole other story.....

[tdsongster]

You need to think with your head and not your emotions. What if she decides not to pay, what then, you throw her and the kids out? This whole situation is wrong and your gut is telling you so, that is the whole reason for doing this thread. Talk with an attorney, don't even presume that family law makes sense, or is binding in any way, the judge can do whatever he feels like. I can tell you he won't let you throw out your ex wife and kids, no matter what was signed. That is not in the children's best interest. Divorce is adversarial, accept it. Life is not easy, but you have to be able to stand on your own two feet.

Someone else made the comment about what will happen when she decides to see other men. How awkward is that gonna be with your ex wife, another man and your kids all together in your rental unit. I know right now things like that seem far off, but if will be a reality in less then 6 months, at most.

At least get advice from your peers, what does your father think of this? What do other people who have been through similar situations suggest?

Don't ask an ATV thread. You have know idea who these people are, if they are trustworthy, or old enough to even be in a marital situation.

Personally, I think you know what needs to be done, but don't have the courage to face your ex wife.

Do as you will...

[Jay99400ex]

Ah you'll be fine... like you said the worst you'll end up with is more rental property, and my motto is he with the most rental propery wins!

[alimdar2times]

Originally posted by tdsongster
You need to think with your head and not your emotions. What if she decides not to pay, what then, you throw her and the kids out? This whole situation is wrong and your gut is telling you so, that is the whole reason for doing this thread. Talk with an attorney, don't even presume that family law makes sense, or is binding in any way, the judge can do whatever he feels like. I can tell you he won't let you throw out your ex wife and kids, no matter what was signed. That is not in the children's best interest. Divorce is adversarial, accept it. Life is not easy, but you have to be able to stand on your own two feet.

1st response:
I have given this a great deal of thought, and I will be the first to admit that my emotions are playing a huge role in this decision. My emotions towards my children. I love them and would suffer a thousand losses to see them happy. I will not throw them out, everyone involved in this deal knowws that. As far as the attorney goes, my father's best friend is our family's attorney, and he drew up the child support agreement when we split. As far as standing on my own two feet, I approached my ex with this idea, not the other way around.

Someone else made the comment about what will happen when she decides to see other men. How awkward is that gonna be with your ex wife, another man and your kids all together in your rental unit. I know right now things like that seem far off, but if will be a reality in less then 6 months, at most.

2nd response:
She is already seeing another man, and I have another woman in my life as well. It is a it awkward, but that is life. Will he live in the home that I am putting in my name? I don't know; I can honestly say I hope not, but if that bridge needs to be crossed, we'll deal with that then.

At least get advice from your peers, what does your father think of this? What do other people who have been through similar situations suggest?

3rd response:
My father thinks it's a great idea. He would like to see the rental unit that she's currently in (and living rent-free) open up to being an income again.

Don't ask an ATV thread. You have know idea who these people are, if they are trustworthy, or old enough to even be in a marital situation.

4th response:
Yes, you're right.

Personally, I think you know what needs to be done, but don't have the courage to face your ex wife.

5th response:
I face her every day of my life, as I get to see my kids whenever I want (leaglly binding). I want her to be happy, believe it or not, as I have no ill will towards her.

Do as you will...

Don't take any of the above as unappreciative, as I put this out there for responses to be made. I appreciate every last one of the opinions I've received on this thread, but in some cases, I disagree.

[Plante400]

i say.. go back to court and get your kids and tell the judge u want them to live in a real house with u

[tdsongster]

This guy is a schmuck, he obvioulsy doesn't have a pair. He is gonna do it no matter what anyone tells him. Talk about PW!!!

[alimdar2times]

Originally posted by tdsongster
This guy is a schmuck, he obvioulsy doesn't have a pair. He is gonna do it no matter what anyone tells him. Talk about PW!!!

As stated quite openly before, I put this out there for opinions, so I'm not going to get into a flaming situation with this. Yeah, I am going to do it. Why? Because I want to, and because I am financially sound enough to do so without creating a great deal of stress for myself. Does this make me a schmuck? Nah, I don't think so. Does it make me PW'ed? Nope to that as well. Does it mean that (once again, the last time) I would do anything for my kids to have a good life, as good as I am able to provide? Absolutely.

[tdsongster]

Great idea, the least you can do is provide a house for your ex-wife and her boy friend. You are the one that asked the question, sorry pal but this is gonna blow up in your face. You know, I am tired of this. I hope you don't listen to anyone. Go ahead do it. Obviously everyone else is wrong and you are right. *EDITED*

**** Alright, you have stated your opinion which is exactly what he asked for. Lets not resort to name calling though. OK****
Quadfamily

[AlbaKFX]

limdar2times, is tdsongster your new girlfriend? Seems as if he's almost mad at you for not getting him a house. Mid-life crisis?

My parents were in this identical position a few years ago, and my father gave everything he could to my mom and slept in his truck just so he could afford to give me and my sister everything we had when they were together, so we wouldnt be effected by some crap we had no control over.

It has nothing to do with your caring for your ex, you care about your kids, and this is the exact same thing i'd do for my own if it came to it. There needs to be more guys like you, and less idiots who get their girlfriends pregnant and split to get off with just paying a couple hundred bucks a month or whatever for child support.


Once your kids get older and the situation can be explained to them, there will be no better gratification than having them thank you as adults for your sacrafices.

[tdsongster]

Alba must not have a pair either... The world is hell bent on domesticating men, they become all whiny *****es like Alba...

[Hammer trx450r]

Make sure you document everything, and keep copies of all checks and pay for everything in check form;)

[QuadJunkies]

I think this is a touchy situation,but I commend you on your kids. Thres alot of guys out there now says( and some women too!:grr: ) that dont think about the kids well being after the Marriage is gone. I know MANY freinds of mine who are divorced that ther eFathers dont even call there kids anymore since the parent both moved on with ther e lives... That crap just ticks me off...:mad: .
Sounds like you have your eyes open, like everyone already stated.. Just be Precautious;)

[Bush0102]

What you're doing is honorable in my opinion. I dont know whats up TDsongster's ***, but i'm sure glad he isn't my dad. I'm just curious though, if your kids are so important to you, why dont you have custody?

I'm impressed you've moved on enough not to care what your wife is doing with her new boyfriend...TDsongster acts like its a big deal she's going to be living with him. After all, you are divorced...but is it a confirmed fact that they are moving in together? If so, i would be surprised if he wasnt the one who wound up paying rent.

In reality, if the divorce wasnt a nightmare, she's probably going to be appreciative and not try to screw you. But always be cautious and make sure all the legal details are worked out and there are no loopholes.


If my parents were divorced, i sure would be proud of my dad to make such a sacrifice. Dont take TDsongster seriously at all- its obvious he doesnt have kids and is a lonely, bitter man. You're an honorable man, and decisions like this are going to take you far in life. Good luck!

[knighttime]

Originally posted by tdsongster
Alba must not have a pair either... The world is hell bent on domesticating men, they become all whiny *****es like Alba...


lmfao, i kinda agree for the most part.

I wonder if this dude put sound proof insulation in his ex-wifes and her bf's new bedroom :rolleyes: :eek2:

sorry, but i can see this as being trouble, not because he is providing for his kids, but because of how they are gonna be living so close together with the ex's and all.

[AlbaKFX]

If either of you would like me to prove to you I have a pair, i'll be more than glad to slap them on your foreheads?


Hopefully neither of you have any kids, because when they get older and realise you would rather watch them live in a Housing complex than deal with their mother and give them a roof over their heads, their likely going to send you to a nursing home and watch you too rot.

Do to others as you would like done to yourself. I respect my father for dealing with my mother when he hated her, handing her money for us. I think you need to grow up in order to take this situation seriously... too many people here are stuck acting like kids, and think the macho way is the only way.


Bush0102, Alot of times, Judges do not want the father to have full custody, or primary custody... thanks to people like knighttime and tdsongster, men are now considdered irresponsible and cant barely take care of themselves.

[knighttime]

Originally posted by AlbaKFX
If either of you would like me to prove to you I have a pair, i'll be more than glad to slap them on your foreheads?


Hopefully neither of you have any kids, because when they get older and realise you would rather watch them live in a Housing complex than deal with their mother and give them a roof over their heads, their likely going to send you to a nursing home and watch you too rot.

Do to others as you would like done to yourself. I respect my father for dealing with my mother when he hated her, handing her money for us. I think you need to grow up in order to take this situation seriously... too many people here are stuck acting like kids, and think the macho way is the only way.


Bush0102, Alot of times, Judges do not want the father to have full custody, or primary custody... thanks to people like knighttime and tdsongster, men are now considdered irresponsible and cant barely take care of themselves.

Alba, tdsongster is right about the ****** thing, jeez dude, chill the heck out. I'm not against anyone taking care of their kids(why would I), its just that this "controlled~situation" he has created is doomed.

dont rip on me n tdsongster, we know that you can do the right thing w/o being a schuck while ya do it!!!:cool:

[AlbaKFX]

I'm not trying to diss either of you, i'm just saying people throw opinions out like you two did, but in public voice to judges and they frown upon that, which results in frowning upon all males who want custody of their kids.


The situation he's in just is not a controlled situation. Theres no 'smart' way to go about it. He's not buying her a house, hes trying to get his kids somewhere nice to live. If she takes her new boyfriend in the house, than thats life. I'm sure he dosnt expect her to stay single... I wouldnt. I'd just keep giving her money to make sure my kids were taken care of, and when I got them i'd make sure the new guy wasnt being an arse to them. As long as my ex wasnt doing the evening deeds on the couch in front of my kids, I couldnt care less as long as their fed and happy.

[alimdar2times]

Originally posted by Bush0102
I'm just curious though, if your kids are so important to you, why dont you have custody?
I'm impressed you've moved on enough not to care what your wife is doing with her new boyfriend...

In all honesty, she is a wonderful mother. It's as simple as that. We have open/joint custody, which means I can see them whenever I want to, and it's worked out great so far.

As far as her new man goes, he's not a bad guy, because if he was, there's no way she would let him anywhere near her or the kids. She is a very attractive and confident woman, and I don't see her allowing herself to be taken advantage of.


Originally posted by AlbaKFX
I'm sure he dosnt expect her to stay single... I wouldnt.

Alba hit the nail on the head with that one right there. We just didn't work, and it wasn't for lack of trying. I do not expect her to waste away in a room somewhere, pining away for me, and end up lonely for the rest of her life. She will move on (already has to a degree) and that is just life.

[Jackie]

Do a land contract so when she defaults you have it back. Also how are you going to feel if she has a man live there on your buck.
I am so glad I never had to depend on any of my ex's for support. The moral to this story is marry a woman with a good paying career.

:devil: