Screamin440
02-12-2005, 03:43 PM
I'm not sure if this has been posted before but this is great.
Please allow me to vent. I have had it! I've taken all I can stand and
I
>can't stand no more!
>Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men
prancing
>about, redecorating houses and talking about foreign concepts like
"style"
>and "feng shui." Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, transsexual,
>metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, and purple-sexual -- bogus
>definitions
>have taken over the urban and suburban world!
>Real men of the world, stand up, scratch, belch, and yell "ENOUGH!" I
>hereby
>announce the start of a new offensive in the culture Wars, the
>"Retrosexual"
>movement.
>The Code:
>A Retrosexual man, no matter what the woman insists, PAYS FOR THE
DATE.
>A Retrosexual man opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that only
>loosely fit that term because they are biologically female.
>A Retrosexual DEALS with IT. Be it a flat tire, break-in into your
home, or
>a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.
>A Retrosexual not only eats red meat; he often kills it himself.
>A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long
you
>live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still reading,learning,
>growing and can manage a drink now and again, I salute you. If you are
>still
>having sex with your wife, you are a legend.
>A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman.
Women
>have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap
>(possibly two endcaps if you include shaving goods.)
>A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic or Abercrombie
when
>he's 30 years old.
>A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if
need
>be.
>This falls under the "Dealing with IT" portion of The Code.
>A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" or "Queen" in the title.
>A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on
>national
>TV.
>A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for
women.
>Some is inevitable, but major reinvention of yourself will only lead
to you
>becoming a frou-frou, and in the long run, she ain't worth it.
>A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental
stress
>such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak
tree
>chipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different
city,
>favorite bird dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink
>because
>Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT,
and,
>when you screwed up, he DEALT with you.
>A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed
to
>conceal himself from prey.
>A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor or half Windsor knot when
wearing
>a
>tie -- and ONLY a Windsor style knot.
>A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound that he can brag
about.
>A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't
hammer a
>nail, or drill a hole straight, practice in secret until you can -- or
be
>rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be.
>A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that you are
riddled
>with fear, guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT.
Plus,
>it's just plain fun to fire one off in the direction of those people
or
>things that just need a little "wakin' up."
>Crying: There are very few reasons that a Retrosexual may cry, and
none of
>them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports
teams
>are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is
>swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual
can cry
>include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a good
bird
>dog, loss of a major body part, or loss of major body part on your
Ford
>truck or Jeep.
>When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a
>pregnant woman, heck, any woman gets on, that Retrosexual stands up
and
>offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other
so-called men
>still in their seats with a disgusted "you low-life" look on his face.
>A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the
correct
>emphasis and pronunciation. He also knows the words to the Star
Spangled
>Banner
>A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not
>understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they
offset
>the
>acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married, engaged or in a
>serious healthy relationship, e.g., hunting, fishing, boxing, shot
putting,
>shooting, cigars, car maintenance, or occasional drink.
>A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen
utensils.
>A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (heck, a blizzard) without sliding
all
>over or driving under 20 mph, without anxiety, and without
high-centering
>his vehicle in a snow bank.
>A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he
wants.
>Wherever it lands is where he darned well wanted it to land. Except on
his
>truck --that would happen only because of a "force of nature," and
then the
>retrosexual man's options are to Cry, or to DEAL WITH IT, or do both.
>A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any woman but
any
>elderly person or person in military dress (except 2nd Lt's). NOTE:
The
>person in military dress may turn down the offer but the Retrosexual
man
>will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their
>country.
>A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract -- a handshake is good
enough. He
>will always stand by his word even if circumstances change or the
other
>person deceived him.
>A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does
>something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in
the
>process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT!
>This is the code of ethics for the Retrosexual man.
Please allow me to vent. I have had it! I've taken all I can stand and
I
>can't stand no more!
>Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men
prancing
>about, redecorating houses and talking about foreign concepts like
"style"
>and "feng shui." Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, transsexual,
>metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, and purple-sexual -- bogus
>definitions
>have taken over the urban and suburban world!
>Real men of the world, stand up, scratch, belch, and yell "ENOUGH!" I
>hereby
>announce the start of a new offensive in the culture Wars, the
>"Retrosexual"
>movement.
>The Code:
>A Retrosexual man, no matter what the woman insists, PAYS FOR THE
DATE.
>A Retrosexual man opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that only
>loosely fit that term because they are biologically female.
>A Retrosexual DEALS with IT. Be it a flat tire, break-in into your
home, or
>a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.
>A Retrosexual not only eats red meat; he often kills it himself.
>A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long
you
>live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still reading,learning,
>growing and can manage a drink now and again, I salute you. If you are
>still
>having sex with your wife, you are a legend.
>A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman.
Women
>have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap
>(possibly two endcaps if you include shaving goods.)
>A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic or Abercrombie
when
>he's 30 years old.
>A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if
need
>be.
>This falls under the "Dealing with IT" portion of The Code.
>A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" or "Queen" in the title.
>A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on
>national
>TV.
>A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for
women.
>Some is inevitable, but major reinvention of yourself will only lead
to you
>becoming a frou-frou, and in the long run, she ain't worth it.
>A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental
stress
>such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak
tree
>chipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different
city,
>favorite bird dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink
>because
>Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT,
and,
>when you screwed up, he DEALT with you.
>A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed
to
>conceal himself from prey.
>A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor or half Windsor knot when
wearing
>a
>tie -- and ONLY a Windsor style knot.
>A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound that he can brag
about.
>A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't
hammer a
>nail, or drill a hole straight, practice in secret until you can -- or
be
>rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be.
>A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that you are
riddled
>with fear, guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT.
Plus,
>it's just plain fun to fire one off in the direction of those people
or
>things that just need a little "wakin' up."
>Crying: There are very few reasons that a Retrosexual may cry, and
none of
>them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports
teams
>are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is
>swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual
can cry
>include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a good
bird
>dog, loss of a major body part, or loss of major body part on your
Ford
>truck or Jeep.
>When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a
>pregnant woman, heck, any woman gets on, that Retrosexual stands up
and
>offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other
so-called men
>still in their seats with a disgusted "you low-life" look on his face.
>A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the
correct
>emphasis and pronunciation. He also knows the words to the Star
Spangled
>Banner
>A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not
>understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they
offset
>the
>acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married, engaged or in a
>serious healthy relationship, e.g., hunting, fishing, boxing, shot
putting,
>shooting, cigars, car maintenance, or occasional drink.
>A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen
utensils.
>A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (heck, a blizzard) without sliding
all
>over or driving under 20 mph, without anxiety, and without
high-centering
>his vehicle in a snow bank.
>A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he
wants.
>Wherever it lands is where he darned well wanted it to land. Except on
his
>truck --that would happen only because of a "force of nature," and
then the
>retrosexual man's options are to Cry, or to DEAL WITH IT, or do both.
>A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any woman but
any
>elderly person or person in military dress (except 2nd Lt's). NOTE:
The
>person in military dress may turn down the offer but the Retrosexual
man
>will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their
>country.
>A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract -- a handshake is good
enough. He
>will always stand by his word even if circumstances change or the
other
>person deceived him.
>A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does
>something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in
the
>process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT!
>This is the code of ethics for the Retrosexual man.