best/funniest one liners

[Alberta_Qaudin]

k so watchin dodge ball at lunch taday at work and the coach, O-houla han or what ever his name is says "like watchin reatards tryin to hump a door knob" damn near P*ssed myself.

sorry if that offends anyone but damn it funny. i work with a guy who's the poster boy for retard humpin door knobs.

post em if ya got em

[DONTBANME!!!]

(from anchorman) Hey garth hows the divorce..well i'll probaly never getta see my kids again.....Fantastic:p

[Night Rider]

Dumb and Dumber

Lloyd - I Sold Some Things In Town Before We Left To Billy In 4c
Harry - The Blind Kid!?! What'd You Sell Him Lloyd
Lloyd - Few Baseball Cards, Sack Of Marbles, Petey.
Harry - Petey! You Sold My Dead Bird To A Blind Kid, But Lloyd Petey Didnt Even Have A Head!
Lloyd - Harry, I Took Care Of It

[MXracer16]

Another from Dumb and Dumber

Harry: Nice pair of hooters you got there ( looking at owls)

Mary: Pardon me?

Harry: The owls.

Mary: Oh ha, so, what kind of business are you in?

Harry: Im invlolved with Canines, dogs for the simple people.

Mary: How are you involved with them?

Harry: I trim them, primp them, Ive even bread them.

Mary: Any unusuall breading?

Harry: Well, one time we succesfully mated a bulldog and a ****zu, we called it a Bull****!

Haha, thats so great!

[Hondadudeehhhh]

Napoleon Dynamite- Do the chickens have large tallons?

[Tantal]

All from FMJ...

Private Joker: How can you shoot women and children? Door Gunner: Easy... you don't lead 'em so much. [laughs] Ain't war hell?!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, Drill Instructor: Hell I like you, you can come over to my house and **** my sister.

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, Drill Instructor: I bet you're the kind of guy that would **** a person in the *** and not even have the god damned common courtesy to give him a reach around.

Private Joker: I wanted to meet stimulating and interesting people of an ancient culture, and kill them.

[MXRACER86]

From the movie "Old School"

"You crazy man!.... I like you!...... But you crazy man!"

[Joecool1264]

My LT. asking to take a complaint on a fellow Trooper.My reply " No , but thanks for asking. They can go kick rocks".

[Moto92]

Originally posted by Hondadudeehhhh
Napoleon Dynamite- Do the chickens have large tallons?
:D LMAO

[TheFontMaster]

From Anchorman

I ate fiberglass insulation, it wasn't cotton candy like the man said.....Now my stomach itches.

[400exrules]

Anchorman:

"I KILLED A MAN WITH A TRIDENT!"

[Honda4trax250x]

Anchorman:



Brick- I read somewhere that their [women] periods attract bears.....The bears can smell the menstration.

Brian- Bears?!?!? Now your putting this whole station in danger.

[DONTBANME!!!]

lmao ya anchorman is deff one of the funniest ive seen along with napolean


{anchorman}
its called sex panther is illegal in 9 countries...its made of bits of real panther........mmm stings the nostrils...ive gotta be honset with you that smells like pure gasoline :p

[Stevie-D]

Angrier than a 3-legged dog trying to bury a turd on a frozen lake.

Madder than a deaf mute playing bingo, getting bingo, and trying to yell "Bingo!"

Both from one of Larry the Cable guy's shows. Some funny chit on there.

[roostin_dale]

Napolian!!

"Ever take it off any sweet jumps?"

"Your Mom goes to college!"

"Idiots..gosh!"

and more, that whole movie kickazz

[TheFontMaster]

Here is a bunch of quotes that I have collected over the past couple months. Most of them are sporadic things that were just said.

"Oppinions are like *******s, everyon"s got one.-Steave-O

"I would never eat a hot dog in one bite, if I ever saw someone eat a hot dog in one bite I would slap then cause it's like eating a cock"

"PCP saved my life"- Steve-O

"I hate fat chicks that are hot"

"Not paying a hooker is considered shop lifting"

"The only difference between a slut and a hooker is money"

"I was drunk and she was desperatie, it was a perfect match"

"Don't question my stupidity, I will only proove myself wrong"

"I'm a fisherman, but instead of going fishing for bass, I go fishing for ***"

[bignorm]

napolian-

what do u think i used a fricken 12 guage god

-josh

[bulkdriverlp]

from "every which way but loose"
scrap it clyde

from "smokey and the bandit"
(when jackie gleason walks out of the bathroom at the restraunt and has toilite paper stuck on his glasses and the whole roll unravels outside)
nice lady

[2001-400ex'er]

Napolean Dynamite

Napolean: Kip hasn't done flippin anything today!!!

Kip: Napolean, you just jealous because I've been chatting online with babes all day.

[HtFoxChick]

from "smokey and the bandit"
(when jackie gleason walks out of the bathroom at the restraunt and has toilite paper stuck on his glasses and the whole roll unravels outside)
nice lady [/B][/QUOTE]

I love that movie!!!! "Remind me to slap momma in da mout"!

[hondaracer305]

Anchorman:

the guy puts on the panther cologne and walks into the office and everyone starts gagging and coughing, then you hear a woman shout "It smells like bigfoots dick!"

I about crapped my pants that was so funny

[trict_out]

Wayne's World

A gun rack? What am i gonna do with a gun rack? I dont even own a gun let alone many that would necessitate an entire rack. What am i gonna do with a gun rack?

[droopie31]

Ha Ha theres to many that i quote constantly, but waynes world that is great. "would you like to have dinner sometime, oh i like to have dinner every night" ha ha great movie. You guys pretty well cover it except for christmas vacation when cousin eddys out side in his tighty whiteys and has a beer. "top of the mornin to ya, ****ters full, merry christmas!"



drew

[trict_out]

Im out like a fat kid in dodgeball!
Your about as useful as a one legged man in an *** kickin contest

"yea thatll go over like a turd in a punchbowl"

"kick rocks pal"

"you know what man.. your a knuckle draggin fu*kheaded c*mbubble!"

"slop jaw ***got" -- preditor

All i can think of right off hand.. again, hope it doesnt offend anyone.. ive got a ton more but cant think of any right off hand.. its more a spur of the moment type of thing.. after all you cant bullsh*t a bullsh*tter!

Jesse

[SixthFloorFreak]

:Nihilist is holding The Dude's bowling ball and asks what it is:

The Dude: "Obviously you're not a golfer, man"

Big Lebowski > all

[FourFiftyFour]

Originally posted by Hondadudeehhhh
Napoleon Dynamite- Do the chickens have large tallons?

LMAO that is the best part!!!!!!!!!!!! I was cracking up when i heard that!

oh and

"I dont have any skills....like numchuck skills, bowhunting skills, computer hacking skills..........."

[EXtremeEXer50]

hi buddy the elf whats ur favorite color?

[theTman]

napolian

uncle rico- Watch me throw this peice of steak
-hits napolian in the head.....haha funny part

[hon400ex]

"you don't pay a hooker for sex, you pay a hooker to leave" Johnny Dare [local dj]

[sam the brave]

animal house
my advise to you is start drinking heavily

[js3350z]

find a hot girl and say:

your hotter then a porsche in the projects

[dober250R]

Happy Gilmore:
Shooter McGavin: I eat pieces of Sh*t like you for breakfast
Happy Gilmore: You eat piece of sh*t for breakfast!!!!!
Shooter McGavin: NO!!


Tommy boy:
Tommy: Richard, my face really hurts, not here, or even here so much, but right here. Is there a mark?
Richard: Nope, ship shape.
Waitress: Oh my god, what the hell happend to your face.
Tommy: Dang it richard, i knew it.

[Rancher350Angel]

Originally posted by bignorm
napolian-

what do u think i used a fricken 12 guage god

-josh

its What do you think i used? it was a friggin 12 guage GOSH!!

-srry :-)

[250xridamatt]

Fat man in a little coat, Fat man in a little coat Riiiiiipp.


Remember. Control your friend population, have your friends spayed or nutered.

Thats what a local dj says everytime its gets off the air. ^^

[DaleJrFan]

from Tombstone, Doc Holiday says

"I'm your Huckleberry"

the man was a bad a**

[Dumontexrider]

"Texas, holy dog sh*t, only steers and queers come from Texas and you dont look much like a steer so that kind of narrows it down"

"I think we should all shave our eyebrows and take perminate markers and make little lines, and it will look like were mad all the time."

[gutt_72]

"I love technology... but not as much as you, you see... but I still love technology... always and forever." Kip Dynamite

[400exrules]

Kip: "Napolean, you know im training to be a cage fighter"

Napolean: "Kip, you have like the worst reflexes EVER"

Kip: "Why dont you come down here and say that to my face

Napolean: "What?"

Kip: " You heard me, come down here and try to hit me"


(may not be word for word but it went somethin like that lmao)

Originally posted by Rancher350Angel
its What do you think i used? it was a friggin 12 guage GOSH!!

-srry :-)

aha that parts aweasome,

Napoleon what did you do over the summer?

I went wolverine hunting(something like that)

did you kill any?

OF COURSE! what would you do when they were attacking you(something like that)

What kinda gun did u use?

what do you think i used? it was a fricken 12 quage GOSH

[gutt_72]

lets try and keep the "something like thats" and the "not word for words" to ourselves. It really defeats the purpose of a one liner.

[Punk'd]

(Kid on school bus): Napolean what are you gonna do today?

Napolean WHAT EVER I FEEL LIKE GOSH!!!






Napolean: tina you fat lard come get your dinner

(tina is his pet lama)

That movie is so stupid but its funny at the same time lol

[400exrules]

"Tina you fat lard, come get some supper!"


"What kind of bike do you have"

".........its a sledgehammer"

"Nice bike, you take it off any sweet jumps yet?"

[chunky]

from orange county when shawn gets rejected from stanford

shawn(reading letter):we regret to inform you that your application to stanford university has been rejected

lance(jack black):its ok shawn you dont need college, i didnt go to college and look at me, im kickass....

[250xridamatt]

Hey look, its flam in a can!

Envy was a weird movie, but still pretty funny.


Stick it to the man!

Another jack black one

[dbsbl1]

Ah man, you don't need a million bucks to do nothing. Look at my cousin, he's broke and don't do ****. - Office Space

Ah..Jesus, I like him very much, but he is no help for curveball.
Are you trying to say Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball?
God damn it Harris, don't go starting a holy war in here! - Major League

Thompson's gonna need a rocket up his *** to get that ball. - Major League

Unless that's Shaq in centerfield, that ball's a goner. - Major League

Inconvience to you. Wrong Mr. Pickford all together. - Dazed and Confused

Guys, don't go gettin' soft on me this summer. Ya know, sittin' by the pool all day..chasin' the muff around. - Dazed and Confused

Your days of finger-banging Mary Jane Rotten Crotch are over. - FMJ