Understanding Engineers

[elite ATV1]

ENGINEERS

>> > Understanding Engineers - Part One
>> > Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
>> > "Where did you get such a great bike?"
>> > The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday
>> > minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She
>> > threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take
>> > what you want."
>> > The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice. The clothes
>> > probably wouldn't have fit."
>> >
>> > Understanding Engineers - Part Two
>> > To the optimist, the glass is half full.
>> > To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
>> > To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it
>> > needs to be.
>> >
>> > Understanding Engineers - Part Three
>> > A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
>> > particularly slow group of golfers.
>> > The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must've been waiting 15
>> > minutes!"
>> > The doctor chimed in, I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
>> > The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper.
>> > Let's have a word with him.... Hey, George, what's with that group
>> > ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
>> > The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind
>> > fire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire
>> > last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
>> > The group was silent for a moment.
>> > The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I'll say a special prayer for
>> > them tonight."
>> > The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
>> > ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
>> > The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
>> >
>> > Understanding Engineers - Part Four
>> > What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
>> > Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.
>> >
>> > Understanding Engineers - Part Five
>> > The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
>> > The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
>> > The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
>> > The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
>> >
>> > Understanding Engineers - Part Six
>> > Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
>> > possible designers of the human body.The first one said, "It was a mechanical engineer.
>> > Just look at all the joints."
>> > Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer.The nervous system has many thousands
>> > of electrical connections."
>> > The last one said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run
>> > a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
>> >
>> >
>> > Understanding Engineers - Part Seven
>> > Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
>> > Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
>> >
>> > Understanding Engineers - Part Eight
>> > An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better
>> > to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
>> > The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid
>> > foundation for an enduring relationship.
>> > The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because the passion
>> > and mystery he found there.
>> > The engineer said, "I like both."
>> > Both? "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume
>> > you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the garage
>> > and get some work done."
>> >
>> > Understanding Engineers - Part Nine
>> > An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him
>> > and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent
>> > over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
>> > The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into
>> > a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
>> > The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned
>> > it to the pocket.
>> > The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
>> > princess, I'll stay with you for a week and do ANYTHING you want."
>> > Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into
>> > his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you
>> > I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for a week and
>> > do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
>> > The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
>> > girlfriend, but a talking frog, now THAT'S cool."

[Quad18star]

ROFLMAO .... there's some good ones in there . The one about the Mechanical engineer and Civil engineer is soooooo tue .

Mechanical engineers builds the weapons ... us Civil Engineers build the buildings to try and withstand those weapons. :D

That last one was good also .

Part seven is great too ..... There's never enough features on something until it starts to break . :devil:

[XANDADA]

you forgot part ten, my favorite:

A man is flying a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me. Can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am." The man below says, "Yes, You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees N. Latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees W. longitude".

"You must be an engineer," says the balloonist.
"I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."

The man below says, "You must be a manager."
"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," says the man below, "you don't know where you are, or where you are going, You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault."

[TORO1968]

LMAO...those are soooo true! :D

[Tommy 17]

:D me and my engineering buddies got a kick out of that one...


the one where if it ain't broke add more stuff till it breaks... thats def my 406... i just couldn't leave it stokc and now its a POS thats falling apart:p