elite ATV1
01-12-2005, 01:23 PM
ENGINEERS
>> > Understanding Engineers - Part One
>> > Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
>> > "Where did you get such a great bike?"
>> > The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday
>> > minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She
>> > threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take
>> > what you want."
>> > The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice. The clothes
>> > probably wouldn't have fit."
>> >
>> > Understanding Engineers - Part Two
>> > To the optimist, the glass is half full.
>> > To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
>> > To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it
>> > needs to be.
>> >
>> > Understanding Engineers - Part Three
>> > A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
>> > particularly slow group of golfers.
>> > The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must've been waiting 15
>> > minutes!"
>> > The doctor chimed in, I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
>> > The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper.
>> > Let's have a word with him.... Hey, George, what's with that group
>> > ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
>> > The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind
>> > fire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire
>> > last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
>> > The group was silent for a moment.
>> > The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I'll say a special prayer for
>> > them tonight."
>> > The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
>> > ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
>> > The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
>> >
>> > Understanding Engineers - Part Four
>> > What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
>> > Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.
>> >
>> > Understanding Engineers - Part Five
>> > The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
>> > The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
>> > The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
>> > The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
>> >
>> > Understanding Engineers - Part Six
>> > Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
>> > possible designers of the human body.The first one said, "It was a mechanical engineer.
>> > Just look at all the joints."
>> > Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer.The nervous system has many thousands
>> > of electrical connections."
>> > The last one said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run
>> > a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
>> >
>> >
>> > Understanding Engineers - Part Seven
>> > Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
>> > Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
>> >
>> > Understanding Engineers - Part Eight
>> > An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better
>> > to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
>> > The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid
>> > foundation for an enduring relationship.
>> > The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because the passion
>> > and mystery he found there.
>> > The engineer said, "I like both."
>> > Both? "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume
>> > you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the garage
>> > and get some work done."
>> >
>> > Understanding Engineers - Part Nine
>> > An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him
>> > and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent
>> > over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
>> > The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into
>> > a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
>> > The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned
>> > it to the pocket.
>> > The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
>> > princess, I'll stay with you for a week and do ANYTHING you want."
>> > Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into
>> > his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you
>> > I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for a week and
>> > do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
>> > The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
>> > girlfriend, but a talking frog, now THAT'S cool."
>> > Understanding Engineers - Part One
>> > Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
>> > "Where did you get such a great bike?"
>> > The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday
>> > minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She
>> > threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take
>> > what you want."
>> > The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice. The clothes
>> > probably wouldn't have fit."
>> >
>> > Understanding Engineers - Part Two
>> > To the optimist, the glass is half full.
>> > To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
>> > To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it
>> > needs to be.
>> >
>> > Understanding Engineers - Part Three
>> > A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
>> > particularly slow group of golfers.
>> > The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must've been waiting 15
>> > minutes!"
>> > The doctor chimed in, I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
>> > The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper.
>> > Let's have a word with him.... Hey, George, what's with that group
>> > ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
>> > The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind
>> > fire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire
>> > last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
>> > The group was silent for a moment.
>> > The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I'll say a special prayer for
>> > them tonight."
>> > The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
>> > ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
>> > The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
>> >
>> > Understanding Engineers - Part Four
>> > What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
>> > Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.
>> >
>> > Understanding Engineers - Part Five
>> > The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
>> > The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
>> > The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
>> > The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
>> >
>> > Understanding Engineers - Part Six
>> > Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
>> > possible designers of the human body.The first one said, "It was a mechanical engineer.
>> > Just look at all the joints."
>> > Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer.The nervous system has many thousands
>> > of electrical connections."
>> > The last one said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run
>> > a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
>> >
>> >
>> > Understanding Engineers - Part Seven
>> > Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
>> > Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
>> >
>> > Understanding Engineers - Part Eight
>> > An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better
>> > to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
>> > The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid
>> > foundation for an enduring relationship.
>> > The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because the passion
>> > and mystery he found there.
>> > The engineer said, "I like both."
>> > Both? "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume
>> > you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the garage
>> > and get some work done."
>> >
>> > Understanding Engineers - Part Nine
>> > An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him
>> > and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent
>> > over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
>> > The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into
>> > a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
>> > The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned
>> > it to the pocket.
>> > The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
>> > princess, I'll stay with you for a week and do ANYTHING you want."
>> > Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into
>> > his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you
>> > I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for a week and
>> > do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
>> > The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
>> > girlfriend, but a talking frog, now THAT'S cool."