jokes

[YFZ450Ridr]

ok i herd this today and it made me laugh a good one so here goes....

2 men are sitting at a bar. Man # 1 says: After all the chit theyve been through thier still together.

Man # 2 says: Who?

Man # 1 says: your butt cheecks!

share some of your jokes too!

[MY450R]

thats a good one
ive heard it b 4 but its still good

[YFZ450Ridr]

ur avator is even better lmao

[MY450R]

glad you like it

[zephead400ex]

Q: How many kids does it take to paint a room red?
A:Only 1 if you throw it hard enough.

Q: What do you call an Ethiopian takeing a crap?
A: A show off

Q: What do you call an Ethiopian lady with a half eaten tampon?
A: Pregnant

Q: Why was the guy fired from the sperm bank?
A: Got caught drinking on the job

Q: What's the difference between a Jew and Pizza?
A: A pizza doesn't screm when it's in the oven.

Ok, that's enough, I see myself getting into trouble pretty quickly.:D

[ledofthezep]

Screwed one up man...the ethiopian chick one...
Q: How can you tell when an ethiopian lady is pregnant?
A: She pulls out her tampon & it's half eaten.
;)

Some more to share....

Q: Know why they put strings on tampons?
A: So you can flauss after you eat.:blah:

Q: If I had a rooster and you had a donkey and your donkey ate my rooster. What would you have?
A: 2 ft. of my cock in your ***.

Q: Why don't guys like to preform oral sex on a woman the morning after sex?
A: Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese sandwich?

Q: What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?
A: A quarter pounder with cheese!

[dunnonuttin]

Q: how many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: none, it turned itself in

insults:

yo momma so smelly, her sure deoderant is confused and her secret deoderant told on her.

you momma so fat, she saw a bus full of white kids go by then she yelled "TWINKIE" and chased it down the street.

yo momma so fat, the only way she can get to the other end of the house is to lube up the doors and walls and stick a twinkie on the other end.

yo momma so fat, when she walked in front of the tv, i missed titanic and 2 commercials.

yo momma so ugly, people at the strip club pay her to put her clothes back on.

yo momma so clumsy, she got tangled in a cordless phone.

yo momma so stupid, she threw a rock at the ground and missed.

yo momma so fat, not even bill gates can afford her life o-suction (however you spell it).

you are so smelly, the teacher gave you an A+ for NOT raising your hand.

you momma so fat, she went to KFC and said "i'll have the bucket on the roof"

yo momma so stupid, she called me to ask for my number.

yo momma so stupid, she saw the sign that said "clean restrooms" and pulled off the next exit.

yo momma so stupid, when she was goin to the airport, she saw the sign that said "airport left" and turned around to go home.

random jokes:

in iraq, theyre takin all the k-marts out and puttin in targets.

the man who wrote the hokey pokey died at age 93 the other week, but gettin him in the coffin was the trouble. they put the left leg in and thats where the trouble started.

the cross word champion died the other day. the buried him 3 down and 5 across

more yo momma jokes:

yo momma is like a garage, things go in and out of her.

yo momma is like a circus clown, she likes to juggle my balls.

yo momma is like a vacuum cleaner, she sucks, blows, and gets laid in the closet.

yo momma is like a hardware store, 50 cents a screw ( i know this ones old )

thats all i can post w/o gettion banned

[cknox88]

Hey I know that some of you guys wont like this one but i think its good.


What do Fords and Tampons have in common?







Both require tow ropes

[Honda4trax250x]

Originally posted by zephead400ex


Q: What's the difference between a Jew and Pizza?
A: A pizza doesn't screm when it's in the oven.



wow thats so bad

[zephead400ex]

Originally posted by Honda4trax250x
wow thats so bad

I know:ermm:

But I've since learned that I have to stop telling Jew jokes because I found out my Grandpa died in a concentraction camp....



He got drunk and fell off the guard tower!:devil:

[kssandduner]

Last night I got home from work, and my girlfriend had all her bags packed.
I said "Where you going?"


She said, "I'm leaving you!!"


And I said, "Why??"


She said, "I heard you're a pedophile!!"


And than I said, "Pedophile?? That's a mighty big word for an eight year old!!"

Joe

[Trujeepr]

Don't Talk to My Parrot

Mrs. Davidson's dishwasher quit working so she calls a repairman. Since she has to go to work the next day, she tells him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dish-washer, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you the check. Oh, by the way, don't worry about my bulldog; he won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my
parrot!"

When the repairman arrives at Mrs. Davidson's apartment the next day, he discovers the biggest and meanest Bull Dog he has ever seen. But just as she said, the dog just lays there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his business.

The Parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing, and name-calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid ugly bird!" To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"

[nosliw]

Originally posted by ledofthezep
Q: Why don't guys like to preform oral sex on a woman the morning after sex?
A: Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese sandwich?





*pukes all over computer desk*

[quad]

Originally posted by kssandduner
Last night I got home from work, and my girlfriend had all her bags packed.
I said "Where you going?"


She said, "I'm leaving you!!"


And I said, "Why??"


She said, "I heard you're a pedophile!!"


And than I said, "Pedophile?? That's a mighty big word for an eight year old!!"

Joe
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!! Thats great!!! yet sick lol:huh

[400exrules]

Q: why did the chicken cross the road?

A: cuz i told it too or it would be in a KFC bucket for $4.99


AHAHA i crack myself up ;)

[ThyJuGGaLo]

A Little Dumb Thanksgiving Joke I heard on Rocket 101.

Q: Why do Pilgrams Pants Keep Falling Down?

A: Because their Belt Buckles on their HAT

[n00b on a 400ex]

why arent there any mexicans in star trek?
apparently they dont work in the future either

what do you get when you cross a retard and a gangbanger?
someone who spraypaints on a chainlink fence

what did abe lincoln say after bieng drunk for 3 days?
i set WHO free???

you hear about the new car in israel?
not only can it stop on a dime, but it can go back and pick it up too

what do you call an ethopian with a pickle on its head?
quarter pounder

how do you start a foot race in ethiopia?
roll a doughnut down a hill

why do mexican cars have little steeriing wheels?
so they can drive handcuffed

how do you fit 100 cubans in a shoe-box?
tewll them its a life raft

did you hear about Ku Klux Knieval?
he gonna try and jump 50 ethoipians on a steam roller

why doesnt mexico have an olympic team?
because all the ones that can run, jump, or swim have already left the country

im gonna stop now, cause im pretty sure ill get banned if i keep going :chinese:

[lol]

Originally posted by zephead400ex
I know:ermm:

But I've since learned that I have to stop telling Jew jokes because I found out my Grandpa died in a concentraction camp....



He got drunk and fell off the guard tower!:devil:

umm i really dnt find ur jokes funny at all......

[D-4our]

i think this is right...
Q: have you heard about the gay midget?
A: he came out of the cuboard!

[n00b on a 400ex]

Originally posted by zephead400ex
I know:ermm:

But I've since learned that I have to stop telling Jew jokes because I found out my Grandpa died in a concentraction camp....



He got drunk and fell off the guard tower!:devil:

LOL HAHAHAHAHA

What is the difference between a pair of jeans and an Ethiopian?
A pair of jeans only has one fly on it.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One is white, made out of plastic, and dangerous for kids to play with and the other you carry your groceries in.

Who does Michael Jackson consider to be a Perfect "10"?
Two 5 year olds.

[zorg]

A man is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, "It's not a ship." The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It's not a boat." The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "It's not a raft."

Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and she says, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"

"Ten years!" he says.

She reaches over, unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!"

Then she asks, "How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?"

He replies, "Ten years!"

She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on the right, pulls out a flask and gives it to him. He takes a long swig and says, "Wow, that's fantastic!"

Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since you've had some REAL fun?"

And the man replies, "My God! Don't tell me you've got a quad in there!"
:blah:

[DaleJrFan]

good one ^^^!!

[markk]

Q: What's the difference between a Jew and Pizza?
A: A pizza doesn't screm when it's in the oven.


Now thats very very wronge lol, But i like it!!!!!!!!!! Keepm coming!

[n00b on a 400ex]

Originally posted by markk
Q: What's the difference between a Jew and Pizza?
A: A pizza doesn't screm when it's in the oven.


Now thats very very wronge lol, But i like it!!!!!!!!!! Keepm coming!

lol i know exactly where he gets those (belive it or not im a member of that site...88!!!)

[zorg]

mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Honda, when he spotted a world-famous heart surgeon in his shop. The heart surgeon was waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his quad. The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc can I ask you a question?" The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the quad. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I also can open hearts, take valves out, fix'em, put in new parts and when I finish this will work just like a new one. So how come I get a pittance and you get the really big money, when you and I are doing basically the same work?" The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic: "Try doing it with the engine running!" :eek2:

[YYfs200rider03]

whats the best part of having sex with 29 year olds?
there's 20 of them.

and not really a joke but still funny,, THIS IS THE BEST PICK UP LINE..........''does this rag smell like chloroform?''

[zorg]

A quad riders greatest achievement was his brood of six kids. He was so proud that he continually called his wife: Mother of Six, which pissed her off a lot. But he kept referring to her as Mother of Six no matter where they went.

At the end of a poker run, he shouted across the bar, "Hey, Mother of Six, you ready to go home?"

His irritated wife screamed back: "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"
:huh

[n00b on a 400ex]

i dont get it

[Honda4trax250x]

Originally posted by n00b on a 400ex
i dont get it

the other 2 kids are not his, she cheated on him and got knocked up

[zorg]

A quad riding home from the watering hole bites the dirt and goes to meet his maker. The Almighty welcomes him with open arms but asks him for his opinion of His greatest creation... woman. The quad rider thinks for a minute and responds, "Oh, she's wonderful. But let me ask you something. Why'd you make her so pretty?"

"Oh, I did that so you'd like her."

"And why'd you make her so sexy?"

"I did that so you'd like her too."

"Well then, why'd you make her so freaking stupid?"

"OH, I did THAT so she'd like YOU!"

[TCracin440ex]

Q: what do you call a homosexual in a wheelchair
A: Roll-Aids

[TCracin440ex]

Four men got together to play golf one sunny morning. As they were heading out to the course, one of them was detained by a phone call.

The other three were discussing their children while walking to the first tee.

"My son," said one proudly, "has made quite a name for himself in the home building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful, in fact in the last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift."

The second man, not to be outdone, boasts how his son began his career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "He's so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave a friend two brand new cars as a gift."

The third man brags that his son has worked his way up through a stock brokerage firm, and has become so successful that in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift.

As the fourth man arrives at the tee box, the three smugly tell him that they have been discussing how successful their progeny are, and ask what line of work his son is in.

"To tell the truth, I'm not very pleased how my son has turned out," he replies. "For fifteen years, he's been a hairdresser, and I've just recently discovered he's gay."

As the other three recoil in horror, he continues, "but on the bright side, he must be good at what he does, because his last three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, two new cars, and a big stock portfolio."

[TCracin440ex]

I went to the store the other day, I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out there was a damn motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, 'Come on buddy, howabout giving a guy a break?' He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil necked nazi. He glared at meand started writing another ticket for having bald tires!! So I called him a horse ****. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he startedwriting a third ticket!! This went on for about 20 minutes, the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't give a damn. My car was parked around the corner...

[Narly R]

What does disneyland and Viagra have in common?


They both make you stand in like for an hour, for a 2 minute ride!

[Dan229]

SIPPING VODKA


A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ***.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.

8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the s--t out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ***.

10)We do not refer to the cross as the Big T.

11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, take this and eat it for it is my body. He did not say " Eat me" .

12)The Virgin Mary is not called Mary with the Cherry,.

13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St.Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

[zephead400ex]

Originally posted by lol
umm i really dnt find ur jokes funny at all......

If you don't like what's on the station....change the channel.

LOL!! Priest one is funny!

[Got Roost?]

Q: what's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
A: one is $1.99 and the other is under a buck

[n00b on a 400ex]

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One is white, made out of plastic, and dangerous for kids to play with and the other you carry your groceries in.

After his wife had a baby, Michael Jackson asked the doctor when it would be OK to have sex again.
The doctor told him he should wait until the kid was at least 12 or 13 years old.

A priest and a rabbi were walking down the side walk. On the other side of the street they see a 12 year old boy. The priest says "Lets go fu(k him." The rabbi looks for a minute and then says "Out of what?"

What's the first thing taught in a ghetto driving school?
How to unlock a car with a coat hanger.

How can an Ethiopian woman tell when she's pregnant?
When she pulls out her tampon and it's half eaten.

How does Santa Claus know he's at a Jewish house?
There is a parking meter on the roof.

[yamahonda]

Originally posted by zephead400ex
If you don't like what's on the station....change the channel. you know they ruined a good ******* by putting teeth in your mouth .....
















j/k you heard this before preston!!!lol