Foxyangel0425
11-08-2004, 03:07 PM
A TRANSCRIPT OF THE NEW ANSWERING SERVICE RECENTLY INSTALLED AT THE MENTAL HEALTH INSTITUTE. Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline: -
If you are obsessive-compulsive - press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent - please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities - press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid - we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional - press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic - listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive - it doesn't matter which number you press, no-one will answer.
If you are dyslexic - press 9696969696969.
If you have a nervous disorder - please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia - press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder - slowly and carefully press 000.
If you have bi-polar disorder - please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss - press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss - press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss - press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss - press 9.
If you have low self-esteem - please hang up, all our operators are too busy to talk to you."
If you are obsessive-compulsive - press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent - please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities - press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid - we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional - press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic - listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive - it doesn't matter which number you press, no-one will answer.
If you are dyslexic - press 9696969696969.
If you have a nervous disorder - please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia - press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder - slowly and carefully press 000.
If you have bi-polar disorder - please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss - press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss - press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss - press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss - press 9.
If you have low self-esteem - please hang up, all our operators are too busy to talk to you."