Let's hear em'

[BrandonBlackmon]

Let's hear some FUNNY jokes.

[LTandRaptorider]

A horse walks in to a bar... asks for a drink. the bartender pours the drink, asking the horse... "Why the long face?" :p

[fastmofo]

what does a rattle snake and a limp dick have in common?


you don't F**k with either!

[blondie69]

Knock Knock
Who's There?
Banana
Banana who?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Banana
Banana who?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say banana



I'm so cool:cool: HA I'm jokin. I'll maybe find some jokes later if I feel like it n post em:)

[LeGaCyGiAnT124]

ok there is this guy that is messed up in the head and he puts saranwrap (sp) all over him and he is naked. he goes to the doctor and says whats the matter with me.... the doctor looks down and clearly says i can see your nuts

lol i thought this was hillarious

[YFZ450Ridr]

what do women and airplanes have in common?


Both have c***pits.

[lol]

Why do golfers wear two shirts?

In case they get a hole in one :p

[Dannys440]

Here are a few:


Blonde & Turtle

Q: What do a blonde and a turtle have in common?

A: They're both screwed on their back.



>Blonde - Mating Call

What is a blonde's mating call?

''NEXT!''
>A Cucumber, a Pickle, and a Penis

One day a cucumber, pickle and a penis were all discussing how much their lives suck.
The cucumber says, "I get picked from my home, sliced up, and thrown a salad. My life sucks the most."

The pickle then says, "I get picked from my home, shoved in a jar, submerged in liquid thats smells awful. So my life sucks the most."

The penis then says, "Oh please! My life definitely sucks the most. I get a tarp wrapped over my head, stuck in a wet black hole, and rammed against a wall until I vomit."





I know good joke always come from the teenagers,right?

[crday98]

A man enters the hospital for a circumcision. When he comes to after the procedure, he’s perturbed to see several doctors standing around his bed.
“Son, there’s been a bit of a mix-up,” admits the surgeon. “I’m afraid there was an accident, and we were forced to perform a sex-change operation. You now have a vagina instead of a penis.” “What!” gasps the patient. “You mean I’ll never experience another erection?” “Oh, you might,” the surgeon reassures him. “Just not yours.”

another
A blonde who suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly, opens the door, and, sure enough, finds him naked in the arms of a redhead. Well, now she’s angry. She opens her purse and takesout the gun. But as she does so, she is overcome with grief and points the gun at her own head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don’t do it." "Shut up," she says. "You’re next."

another
A man walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. Paying for them, he bursts into laughter and walks out of the store. The next day he comes in again, again buys condoms, and again walks out laughing. Thinking this is somewhat strange, the pharmacist asks his assistant to follow the man if he comes back. Sure enough, the man comes in the next day and walks out laughing. This time the assistant goes after him, returning 20 minutes later."So did you follow him?" asks the pharmacist. "Yup."said the assistant "Well,where did he go?"asked the pharmacist. the assistant blurted "Your house."

last one
A man is walking down the street and sees a little boy riding a toy fire engine that’s being pulled by a Dalmatian. Unfortunately, the rope is tied around the dog’s balls, and as a consequence, the toy truck is going very slowly. The man says to the boy, "You know, son, that truck would go a lot faster if the rope was tied around your dog’s neck."
"I guess so," says the kid, "but then I wouldn’t have a siren."

[n00b on a 400ex]

what does a blonde and a hardware store have in common?
10 cents a screw

[allmixedup047]

a teacher decides to do an expieriment with her 1st grade class. she has three new flavors from jolly rancher: pineapple, kiwi, and honey. she gives the pineapple one to all the kids and not very long after about 6 kids shout out the answer. she says very good and proceeds to give them the next one. she gives them the the kiwi one next and an little girl in the front row gets the answer about 2 minutes after she handed them out. the teacher says very good. now the teacher gives out the last one. she passes out all the honey ones to the kids and goes and sits back down. 4 minutes pass by and not a single kid has figured out the answer, so the teacher decides to give them a hint. the teacher says its something your parents may call each other every once in a while. about 20 seconds later a kid spits his out and yells SPIT THEM OUT EVERYONE, THERE @$$HOLES

[MY450R]

what do you call a naked bleach blonde standing on her head...
a brunette with bad breath

[iceracer65]

i applied for a hearing aid in the mail...havent heard anything back yet.:ermm:

[sharkinthepool]

Why a Handgun is Better Than a Woman
You can buy a silencer for a handgun.
You can trade a .44 for two .22's.
You can have a handgun at home and another for the road.
If you admire a friend's handgun and tell him so, he will be impressed and let you try a few rounds with it.
Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a backup.
Your handgun will stay with you even if you are out of ammo.
A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
Handguns function normally every day of the month.
A handgun won't ask, "Do these grips make me look fat?"
A handgun does not mind if you go to sleep after you're done using it.
You can have more than one handgun living in the same house without having problems.
:D :D :D :devil: :devil: :devil: Boy I can't wait for the emails on this one!!!

[sharkinthepool]

Not used anymore

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip and was shocked to find her husband in bed with a lovely young woman. Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband called out, “Perhaps you should hear how all this came about…”
I was driving home on the highway when I saw this young homeless woman looking tired and bedraggled. I brought her home and made her a meal from the roast beef you had forgotten about in the fridge. She was barefooted so I gave her your good sandals, which you had discarded because they had gone out of style. She was cold so I gave her the sweater, which I bought for you for your birthday but you never wore because the color didn’t suit you. Her pants were torn, so I gave her a pair of your jeans, which were perfectly good, but too small for you now. “Then just as she was about to leave, she asked, ‘Is there anything else your wife doesn’t use anymore?”

[sharkinthepool]

ALWAYS ONE HOLE BEHIND!

A guy was playing golf one day and he got lost.
He saw a lady up ahead of him and went to her and said
"Can you please help me, I don't know what hole I'm on."
She told him
"You are one hole behind me. I'm on 7; you're on 6."
He thanked her and continued playing golf.
On the back nine he got lost again.
He saw the same lady and went to her again kind of embarrassed.
"I'm sorry to bother you again but I'm lost again, can you please tell me what hole I'm on."
She told him
"You are one hole behind me. I'm on 14; you are on 13."
Again he thanked her and continued playing golf.
When he finished he saw her in the clubhouse.
He went up to her and asked if he could buy her a drink for helping him out.
She accepted. As they were drinking and talking he asked her what she did for a living.
"I'm in sales." He replied, "no kidding so am I. "
What do you sell?" She said it's too embarrassing to tell.
But after he kept pleading to know what she sold she said she would tell him if he promised not to laugh.
He promised.
She said, "I sell tampons".
He immediately fell to the floor laughing hysterically.
She said, "You promised you wouldn't laugh".
He replied "I'm sorry, but I couldn't help it. I sell toilet paper. I'm still one hole behind you."

[sharkinthepool]

One Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn chair, drinking a beer and watching my wife mow the lawn.

The neighbor lady from across the street was so outraged at this that she came over and shouted at me,

"You should be hung!"

I calmly replied,

"I am. That's why she cuts the grass."
:devil: :huh

[sharkinthepool]

PRICELESS

This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University. It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it.
It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception. As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party, was a manila envelope. He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope. Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man. The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them.
After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, "F--- you!" he turned to his bride and said, "F--- you!" Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm outta here." He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning. While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong.
His revenge ... making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300 guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of 300 friends and family members. This guy has balls the size of church bells.
Do you think we might get a MasterCard "priceless" commercial outta this?.........
Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends.....$32,000.
Wedding photographs commemorating the occasion....................$3,000.
Deluxe, two week honeymoon accommodations in Maui..............$8,500
The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the bride
humping the best man.......priceless.
There are some thing's money can't buy, for everything else there's


MASTERCARD!!!

[LTandRaptorider]

A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in
bed.
> > >> She
> > >> put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen
> table
> > >> with
> > >> a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be in deep thought,
> just
> > >> staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a
> sip
> > >> of
> > >> his coffee.. What's the matter dear? Why are you down here at this
> time
> > >> of
> > >> night?" she asked.
> > >>
> > >> "Do you remember twenty years ago when we were dating and you were
only
> > >> 16?" he asked.
> > >>
> > >> "Yes, I do," she replied.
> > >>
> > >> "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my
car
> > >> making
> > >> love?"
> > >>
> > >> "Yes, I remember."
> > >>
> > >> "Do you remember when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said
> ,'Either
> > >> you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail?"
> > >>
> > >> "Yes, I do," she said.
> > >>
> > >> He wiped another tear from his cheek and said,
> > >> " You know...I would have gotten out today."

[sharkinthepool]

That is funny!!!

[markk]

What do Mechanics, and Lesbians have in common??


They both on SNAP-On tools!!!

[Bush0102]

So a guy walks into a bar and says.....























Ouch.:)

[theTman]

there is a girl sitting on the beach with no arms and no legs crying..the 1st guy walks up to her and says,"whats the matter" the girl replys" ive never been f***ed. the man says " oh im sorry" and walks away
the 2nd guy walks up and says, "hey baby whats wrong?" she says, "ive never been f***ed" the man says sorry and walks away
the 3rd guy walks up and says, "whats wrong?" the girl says, ive never been f***ed" the man says, " i can take care of that"
so he picks her up, walks into the ocean, and drops her

[quadracer511]

what do u call a fat,round,and big thing

















































































































brian-250:devil:

[crap-banshee32]

Originally posted by sharkinthepool
One Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn chair, drinking a beer and watching my wife mow the lawn.

The neighbor lady from across the street was so outraged at this that she came over and shouted at me,

"You should be hung!"

I calmly replied,

"I am. That's why she cuts the grass."
:devil: :huh

That is the best^^^ HAHA

[Cody_300ex]

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3.Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

5. Are You Andy or Barney?

6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

8. I pay your salary!

9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other

cars around.. That's how far ahead of me they are.

12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been

drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyeslook glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"