Lets hear some jokes

[Rip_Tear]

Heard this one today, pretty good.

One day there were two boys playing by a stream when they saw a woman bathing naked. All of a sudden one of the boys took off running. The other boy took off after his friend.. After he caught up to him, he asked why he ran away. "Well," the boy said, "my mom told me that if I ever saw a naked lady I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard so I ran."

[Punk'd]

ROFL

[WOracing]

A man was mowing his lawn one day and he noticed his blonde neighbor run out of her house to her mailbox and she looked in, frustrated, she walked back inside her house. So the man was like ok that was strange and continued to mow his lawn. About 5 minutes later she did the same thing, ran to her mailbox, looked in ran back into her house looking frustrated. Then man at this point was getting to be worried but did not do anything about it, and continued mowing his lawn. So 5 minutes later she did it once again and the man ran over and asked her if there was a problem....she said yes there was, she is getting really mad because her computer keeps telling her she has mail and when she checks the mail box its empty...



not the funniest but the best i could remember :)

[WOracing]

come one people i thought this would be a good thread to get going, thats why i put in the second joke...:confused:

[ThyJuGGaLo]

whys michael jackson like twenty-eight year olds?








theres twenty of them.
its better if actually told instead of typed

[Mxjunkie]

subway is coming out with a new mj sub, 40 year old meat in a 7 year old bun

[JR3]

When Suzanne arrived home from work she was shocked to find her house ransacked and burgled. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels and a K9 unit patrolling nearby was the first on the scene. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash Suzanne ran out onto the porch, clapped a hand to her head and moaned, "I come home from work to find all my possessions stolen, I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send a blind policeman!"

[WOracing]

Originally posted by Mxjunkie69
subway is coming out with a new mj sub, 40 year old meat in a 7 year old bun

LMFAO

[JLanphear]

So....I was talking to my buddy the other day. He was telling me that he had went to the Doctors last week, thinking that he had some sort of Sexually Transmitted Disease.....Turns out the Dr. told him he was just allergic to wool :p

[Punk'd]

why did the chicken cross the road?

Originally posted by Punk'd
why did the chicken cross the road?

haha lol that one still gets me

[WOracing]

Originally posted by Punk'd
why did the chicken cross the road?

to get to the other side, plus thats where the rooster was;)

[nakomis0]

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says .."Hey buddy, why the long face?"

Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other "I'll man the guns, you drive."

:huh

[K_Banger125]

A secretary was helping her new boss set up his computer and asked him what he would like his password to be Wanting to embarrass his new secretary a bit and let her know where they stood he told her to enter penis Without saying a word she entered the passsword She then almost died laughing at the computers response: PASSWORD NOT LONG ENOUGH :D

[JWhite]

An old Indian chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two US government officials sent to interview him. "Chief Two Eagles," asked one official, "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his material wealth. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done." The chief nodded that it was so.

The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"

The chief stared at the government officials for over a minute and then calmly replied, "When white man found the land, Indians were running it. No taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, women did all the work, medicine man free, Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing, all night making love."

Then the chief leaned back and smiled, "White man dumb enough to think He could improve system like that!"

[Dan229]

Yo Mama so fat!…

When she dances she makes the band skip.
When she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease the doctor gave her 13 years to live.
She puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
Her butt has its own congressman.
Her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
When she goes to the zoo the elephants throw her peanuts.
Her high school graduation picture was an aerial photograph.
Her driver's license says "Picture continued on other side."
"Place Your Ad Here" is printed on each of her butt cheeks.
All the restaurants in town have signs that say: "Maximum Occupancy: = 240 Patrons OR Yo Mama"
When she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.
When she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down.
She was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.
She's got smaller fat women orbiting around her.
When I yell "Kool-Aid," she comes crashing through the wall.
She could sell shade.
When she crosses the street, cars look out for her.
People jog around her for exercise.
I ran around her twice and got lost.
She gets runs in her jeans.
Her blood type is Ragu.
When she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.
If she got her shoes shined, she'd have to take his word for it!
She has to put her belt on with a boomerang.
When she turns around, people throw her a welcome back party.
She can't even jump to a conclusion.
She went to the movies and sat next to everyone.
Her belly button doesn't have lint, it has sweaters.
Her photo weighs 12lbs.
She bent over on the street corner and 3 guys got in.

[theTman]

ROFLMAO^

[muddin300]

Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has screwed him for ten million bucks. This bookkeeper is deaf. It was considered an occupational benefit, and why he got the job in the first place, since it was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not be able to hear anything he'd ever have to testify about in court. When the Godfather goes to shakedown the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million bucks, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language. The Godfather asks the bookkeeper: "Where is the 10 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the 10 mllion dollars is hidden. The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about." The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about." That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple, cocks it, and says: "Ask him again!" The attorney signs to the underling: "He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!" The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win! "The money is in a brown briefcase,buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!" The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?" The attorney replies:"He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger"

[muddin300]

A married couple is driving down the interstate at 55 mph with the husband behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, “Honey, I know we’ve been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce.” The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60 mph. She then says, “I don’t want you to try to talk me out of it, because I’ve been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a better lover than you.” Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as he clenches his hands on the wheels. She says, “I want the house.” Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing 70 mph. She says, “I want the kids too.” The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster, until he's up to 80 mph. She says, “I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards too.” The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling, as she says, “Is there anything you want?” The husband says, “No, I’ve got everything I need right here.“ She asks, “What’s that?” The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph, “I’ve got the airbag.”

[MY450R]

a guy at a construction site putting up steel on the 3rd floor of this building starts to work when he noticed he forgot his saww on the ground so he yells to a guy on the ground
the guy cant hear him so he points to his eye then to his knee
then starts making a bach and forth motion
another way to say i need the saw
the guy on the ground pulls his pants down and starts to beat off
so the guy on the building runs to the ground and starts yelling at the other guy "what the hell are you doing?"
the guy goes "i was trying to tell you i was coming"

[WOracing]

Originally posted by K_Banger125
A secretary was helping her new boss set up his computer and asked him what he would like his password to be Wanting to embarrass his new secretary a bit and let her know where they stood he told her to enter penis Without saying a word she entered the passsword She then almost died laughing at the computers response: PASSWORD NOT LONG ENOUGH :D

LMFAO this is one of the funniest jokes i ever heard

[wilkin250r]

It's not very often I laugh at "Yo mama" jokes, but some of those were damn funny... :D

[fasterz]

michael jackson and bill clinton are on a plane with a bunch of little kids and 2 parachutes. the captain gives word that the plane is going down. Bill says to michael to grab the parachutes so they can jump out safly. and michael says "what about the kids" and bill replies "F--k um" and michael says "but bill we dont have time"

[popo]

Originally posted by Punk'd
why did the chicken cross the road?

Who let the chicken out?